Newbie needs help

First of all

I feel for you and in many ways understand and have been (still am in ways) where you are.

What gets someone through this?

Yes people say that, "You need to give it over to God." and things like that. While that is true, it doesn't help some of the time because of other things.

What would be better said is "Give yourself over to God and obey Him in all that you do."

What I have found out the hard way many times that it doesn't help to give a issue over to God in prayer when you are not giving your life over to Him daily and obeying Him in all that you do. I struggled with anger and rage for so many years of my life. This brought on depression and feelings of dispair and helplessness. I would pray and ask God to help me and take my anger and rage from me and yet nothing ever changed. Why? Because I was asking God to help me and yet was not living accourding to His Word. I was for the most part living my own life. Once I started to obey Him and give my life over to Him daily, my anger and rage was dealt with. God opened up a door which almost instantly resolved my anger and rage (you can read my testimony on my website for more).

I have always noticed that once I stop praying and reading the Word on a daily basis, life starts to get harder and harder. Depression, feelings of helplessness, anger and rage start to slip back in. Why? Because I am trying to make it through on my own strength and that is impossible.

As soon as we stop putting effort in to our relationship with God, we start letting down our gaurd and armor. We make ourselves vulnerable.

I hope that this doesn't sound like a easy pat answer, cause it isn't. Giving our lives over to God and obeying Him every day is not a easy thing. It doesn't guarntee that life will be easy - there is no such thing. But it does mean that we are not trying to make it through life on our own strength, but by the strength and grace of God.

Do not dispare, for we have a mighty and wonderful God who will hear our prayers and help us.

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Joshua 22:5 "But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."

Psalms 18:2 "The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

Psalms 37:5 "Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

God bless.

Well put oracleX.

I was blessed and spared from cronic depression. Though my dad has it and my brother as well as my grandparents. I know the trials of it by watching them. Though they are not christians.

I myself was sliping into it when God called me and snatched me from it. Some times you just don't feel like there is a reason for your life. I know that feeling. But ya know...we touch others in MANY ways. Just as I am sure you do. Hang in there.

Missionarypoet, You sound pretty smart for a 15 year old, better English than mines... yeah well, I'll just try to give you some advice, they're not the best, but some things you should consider doing....missionarypoet, stop focusing on the fact that you are depressed...because the more you think about it the more you get depressed about being depressed. give yourself time to think about your walk with God...and are you grateful for the days that you are alive...stop crying(if you are), because it won't help...I mean crying when something bad has happening is okay, but not just crying because you're sad or depressed. Get some exercise, go out for a walk in the park, make a new friend, open up your windows, and set a goal to achieve for the day....you know...help a member in the forum by explaining a verse from the Bible or something...don't waste your time being sad....a few years back I was really depressed and afterwards I found that I've wasted so much time being sad when I can be happy that I was alive and that God loves me....from then on I wanted to do God's will and live everyday to it's fullest....when you smile to others, be sure that you mean it....and don't hide who you are in the inside.....don't hide your depression....how can your family and friends help you if they don't know you're depressed? Find out what's making you sad...and then solve it...and go out for a movie.....eat healthy and thank God that you're alive, and for this beautiful world he has created. Thank God for the sunrises, for the trees, birds, and everything else......."This is the day that the Lord has made," so be glad in it....... A new friend?, Bain_adaneth

I'm so glad to see you here. I've read the other posts and feel very positive about the advise you have received. I encourage you to try to apply it to your life and contiue on. We know this life is but a vapor and there will be no depression in the kingdom of heaven where we will spend eternity with our Lord Jesus. It is exciting. The King is coming for us. Praise God!

Hello Missionarypoet,

My heart is with you, my cries to God are heard on your behalf. I say this with confidence for I know without doubt He always hears my prayers. I also know He doesn't always do what I want. I want to tell you a little of my story. It will be long and some may think me "crazy" but I know the things I have seen and heard and it's time I told it as much for my sake as for others.

I was born knowing God. My household was not Christian or for that matter Godly/religious in any way. But I knew His presence with me as far back as I can remember. I thought that was the "norm" for everyone. I thought everyone knew how much they are loved, forgiven and even, (I dare say it) delighted in by God. It wasn't until I went to school did I realise that it was far from the norm. This awareness developed over a couple of years but when it's implication finally dawned on my young mind I was devastated. I couldn't imagine how people survived not knowing God but then I started to think maybe I was imagining. Maybe the problem was really me. At the tender age of seven I began to doubt my own sanity and I was too afraid to speak to anyone lest they "lock me up". But then a new thing began to happen and I cannot explain it nor do I try anymore. I started to come under attack by demons. Not just figuratively but in a real way. I could see them, hear them, feel them. I won't go into all the details for even today some of the memory still haunts me a little. Suffice it to say I knew what they were and it both added to my "insanity distress" as well as confounded me for I belonged to God. I didn't understand how/why He would allow such a thing. At first, when the attacks became unbearable the Lord would step in and "hide" me under His wings. As I grew older and heard of Jesus, I would call on Him and though it seemed to me He was standing right there, He would never deliver me. I couldn't understand this. Did He not do it for others? I had read the stories in the Bible, He did deliver people, why not I?! My heart and mind would be filled with such doubt about Him, about me. If He would not deliver me who could? Yet, as I would lay beaten, defeated, it was as if He would stand by me and say "it will not always be like this." I couldn't believe but it was all the hope I had that one day things would change. I clung to it!
I spent almost thirty years being tormented, pleading with God, trying to understand why, enduring. The more I tried to seek Him the worse the attacks would be.
Then when I could finally endure no more I told God to go away. Which He did! The attacks stopped but no longer could I sense God's presence anymore either. I felt nothing, heard nothing, tasted nothing, thought nothing. I was like a "walking dead", I did everything by remote control. No joy, no sorrow, nothing, nothing, nothing! I don't know how it happened, but one day while I was putting the weekly shopping away I found myself standing in the pantry with a bucket of icecream in my hand. Something was wrong. It was like working a computer in DOS mode and inputting a "bad file command." Then it was as if "something" just clicked inside me and I woke up. They say a drowning man's life flashes before his eyes in those last moments, it may well be true for it was like that for me. I fell on my face in absolute horror and despair with only one prayer on my lips. "If you don't save me God, there are none left who can." It never crossed my mind He would... but He did, dramatically. I went down dead, I came up alive. It took me three days to get over the shock. I told no-one what happened in that time. I was "disbelieving for joy" myself. That moment began a new journey. I was still in a demon's prison but not for much longer. One by one they were dealt with and sent packing. Over a four year period the Lord led and guided me and when the last finally fell (the one I call the ringleader for he was more subtle and more powerful than the rest) I remembered His promise to me "that it will not always be like this" and I knew I was "free indeed".
Now I have told you this story not to make you afraid or to suggest that demons might be the cause of your trouble but rather so you will believe that with Jesus there is always hope! I had to wait a very long time and I still don't understand why, not fully at least. But this I know, I am what I am today because He is who He is. I have learnt to trust and to stand because of what Christ has done not because of what I am. When I look back I think the one thing I have come to understand more than anything is that Jesus Christ is Lord "of all, in all" therefore I can go anywhere and face anything even with the tiniest amount of faith. If I can offer any practical advice for your troubles it would be to stop asking Him to rid you of your depression. Present yourself to Him exactly as you are...ask for nothing, knowing He is before you, in the good and the bad. Thank Him He is in the midst of your sadness. Don't be afraid when it seems to overcome you for He is there! As you fall, His arms will catch you, when you stumble His hand will steady you. When you weep, His love will comfort you and when you despair His grace will overcome. Do not be afraid. Do not be anxious. He is true even when we are not. These are the things to which you must hold, not how you feel or what you think the Lord is doing or not doing in your life. Re-read your original post and understand where you have gone wrong in your thinking...eg "all I see" phrases and "..I wiil die..". You do not know the future you cannot tell what it will hold. You are young, yet God has given you a gift of wisdom beyond your years. Use your gift accordingly.
All my love is with you, all my prayers are for you.
take care


"I seek the throne of the King of Kings. ...... Then you must follow the path of pain and death."

lol very hard sometimes. I know the having to DO something feeling. LOL, I think I found that we do the most when we are not tring to do anything though lol. A simple hello or a single prayer time with God can change a life. But when you are all alone in the middle of the night it is the hope of the dawn to come and all it may be that helps me. Many times I say "Who may know what tomarow may bring?". God makes the day, we get to see what all is in it.

Ya know, I found a lot of support here myself. I don't have people to talk to either. But I am glad there are those here to speak to. I done found prayer parteners and good friends here. Gods love wasn't limited by the distance between us. And our love is not limited to our own homes. He wrote a love story in the form of the bible. We wright through the net.

missionarypoet

know that the truth is, you can be free of this. dont ever begin to believe that you were just born with this and youll die with this.
there is nothing you cannot recieve from God in prayer.

yes Jesus did say he came to give us life, and life more abundantly.
that is John 10.10
it is good that you have taken that scripture and held it up against this problem you are having, becuase that is the way to be free.
THAT IS THE KEY TO YOUR FREEDOM.

we need to remember that God didnt promise to keep us, but he did promise to keep his word.
and when we speak his word and live our lives in his word, then hell keep us, becuase hes keeping his word.

the bible says the word of God is a sword, and that it is sharper than any two edged sword and divides asunder the soul and spirit, and the bone and marrow.
it can utterly cut down and into peices the attacks of the enemy.

i could give you many scriptures on how the key to power and victory is the word of God.
but it is true..

this is what some people dont know to do and think is foolishness but they are decieved.

you need to fill yourself with the word of God.
THE AMOUNT THAT GOD MOVES IN YOUR LIFE, IS IN DIRECT CONNECTION TO THE AMOUNT OF THE WORD OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE.

1. you need to speak the word of God.
speaking the scripture is like weilding a sword.
Gold told joshua to not let the scriptures depart out of his mouth.
he was to always have the scriptures on his tongue, and it would change his life.
becuase God moves to confirm the scriptures when we speak it.

this sounds strange but it is the truth, and ive seen it in my life.

you have to begin to say
"this is going to happen! i will live and not die! i will be happy and full of Joy and not depressed! i will not have depression!" that causes you to have faith and faith sets you free.
you have to declare what you desire to be and what you desire to come to pass, and command it in Jesus name to take place.

the last thing i want to say is something people wont believe, so ill give scripture to prove it first.
isaiah 45.11
thus saith the Lord, the Holy one of isreal, and his Maker, ASK ME of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the works of my hands COMMAND YE ME!

God literally told us to command him to do things in our lives.
and it isnt that God is now under us and in our power, but it is that God has so promised to answere all of our prayers and give us our every desire. IF WE WILL HAVE FAITH in the fact that he promised to give us anything we brought to him in prayer.

we need to come to the place of having so much faith, all we do is say "God do this" "God do that" and put commands on the holyspirit.
not because we are greater than God, but becuase he has promised to answer our every need if we will only believe he will.and he has told us to command him.
thats not having power over God, but it is absolute faith.

say "i put a command on you today God according to your word, set me free from depression!"

say "I will not be bound in chronic depression! for it is written, Jesus came to give me life and life more abundantly!"

God has it for you, but it wont come without a fight, the devil will resist you. thats why prayers arent answered immediatly.
but you have to be commited and determined to fight for it.
stay in prayer, and stay in faith, never give up hope, and keep speaking to your mountain and declaring the word of God over your life so that God can bring it to pass.
have the mindset that you are going to have it or die without it, but you wont live without it another day.
some people get started good, but dont have the determination to see it through and give up and settle to live without it.

and have faith, TODAY IS A GREAT DAY FOR A MIRACLE!
today is as good a day for a miracle as any. have faith in God.
pray and seek the Lord still, you have done more than you know already, dont give up. and declare what you desire to come to pass and speak the word of God.
God moves to confirm it, when it is spoken.

i am going to be praying for you and with you.
Lee.

missionarypoet said:

Maybe God is telling me to just sit back and let Him be God. It's hard to do that sometimes isn't it.
-missionarypoet

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LOL! There are no maybes about it. Do you not remember what Eve said when the serpent had tempted her? "How nice it would be to be God!" (my paraphrase)
Why do you think we constantly find out the hard way "It just ain't so nice after all trying to be God!"
Just keep taking one step at a time, with each one on the Word of God, and you will finish the race and gain the prize!
Here if you need us Missionarypoet.
take care

missionarypoet said:

...... Joy is something you can have even in the most painful times in your life. That's what I've truly been searching for.
-missionarypoet

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Amen!

Hello Missionarypoet! Good to meet you! It's good to have you here with us on 'the boards'. I have a little quick something to add to your above post:

I have only recently been accepted into God's Army, a little over six months ago. My life has been changed very dramatically!

Three days ago, I buried my mother. This has been the first funeral I have attended since becoming a christian. All other funerals I've attended in my previous life have been pretty harsh and somewhat devestating. So, you would figure that this has been a painful time in my life, but there has been something different about this particular funeral.

My mother has been a very great person, both with God and with just about everyone she has come into contact. She had been with Christ (guessing) for 40+ years. The joy from this knowledge and knowing that she is in a far better place with our Lord has quenched my sorrow of her passing. She is my mother and I love her and will miss her until the appointed time has come, but the sadness of her death was almost non-existant.

Through this whole 'funeral business' I sat and watched people come and go. Some stifling back pain and sorrow, some breaking down and letting it fly. I caught myself thinking "...these people should be happy for her! She is with our Father now, and far happier that she could have ever been on this Earth!!

I guess the point I am getting is that you are correct in saying joy is something you can have, even in the most painful times of your life.

Things will be better for you, have faith in knowing that. Faith is like any one of your bodily muscles. Your muscles need exercise or they will atrophy and become weak and useless. Faith needs exercise just like any one of those muscles. The trials you face throughout life are "the exercise for your 'faith muscle' " More exercise your muscles get, the bigger and stronger they become. More trials you sucessfully face, the bigger and stronger your 'faith muscle' becomes. One thing necessary for this idea to work is patience. Be patient in knowing your trials won't last forever.

I hope I made sense for you, and will be keeping you in mind while in my talks with God. Please keep me in mind as you talk to God also? I become very weak at times and need strength. Thank you and God bless you and your family!

James 1:12 Amen!

Actually, your story sounds uncomfortably like mine at times. I turned to God at about 6, felt called to missions from the start, battled depression from a very young child to this very day. As I read this thread, I see some very good advise, but what concerns me is some of the issues I have heard in your post that are not being addressed.

Some of the issues I found along the way, added to the depression and at one point, drove me to anoxia. You are so right, that having someone to talk to can make all the difference in the world. It is also true, that pat answers do little to heal a heart. One overriding rule I have discovered over time is that I can say anything to God, He is a good listener. Don't ever be afraid to tell God how you feel, He will understand, I guarentee it. If you ever want to talk apart from the forum, PM me, I know all to well what you are talking about. If it hadn't been for God, I would have self destructed so very long ago, I will testify to His power, strength, and Love, one day at a time.

missionarypoet, Do you have a diary? if you don't get one, write everything that you are feeling all the bad feelings and all the good. I hope that helps.