God's Signs in Relationships...

My ex-girlfriend and I are going through a separation. Those of you that have read my other threads know some about it. Anyway, in this relationship there were a lot of signs telling me the relationship was right. The Lord provided when I needed strength, money, time, and so much more. I even remember one day when we had had an argument and I was going down there to straighten things out, I saw a cross drawn in the sky, and the tail of it pointed to where she was, where I was going. And when I got there we sorted things out and it was so much better.

Anyway, now her Mom has split us up again. There were a lot of lies in our relationship to her Mom (her Mom, who I've never met due to her Mom's choice, doesn't want us together because my Mom's side of the family is Jewish, even though my family is Christian) I digress. God gave me all the signs to stay in the relationship, brought me through all the difficult times. I always prayed that if the relationship was to be over, let our hearts be hardened, let difficulty come, let my finances not be met, something. But instead it was all laid out for me. For us.

But now I'm finding out that she's given up and has let her Mom take over her life, and indeed is letting her Mom make all the decisions (yet another long long story) I will admit the mistakes of our relationship, but now I ask the Lord that if our relationship is over, let me see a sign to end it. Let me see a sign from him that I am to heal my heart, move on to be ready for his will. I just want to know that I'm on his path.

I just question if God is doing a work in her family, if I'm to pray and wait, which I know most of you will say is wrong. Or am I to move on. Is this my punishment for the mistakes of our relationship. One mistake of our relationship is that we became of one flesh (good biblical term there for all the kiddies to not understand!) Anyway, I know it was wrong of us to do this, and I know that biblically most would consider that married in all but paper. But now she's torn from me, if I go near her her Mom will hurt her even more.

The last we communicated we decided to break things off until we could be together in truth. It was very amicable and we were both happy to be moving further in the Lord's will to not be living in lies. But the next day her Mom found out I was in the same city (for a car event) and came down on her again, and then it got even worse for her.

Blah, long post yet again John. If you're still reading and can help me, how do I interpret the fact that God's signs were with our relationship? Was it mistake or me seeing what I wanted to see? And now do I not deserve a sign? I don't know, I just feel so lost.

Thanks. This entire time has been so difficult. I just dropped all my classes for the quarter, and am returning to working full time. It's the first time I have been a full time employee in a long time, and the first time I'm not taking any classes at all in a great many years.

I have prayed so many prayers, and I let the relationship go and prayed that if we were meant to be together God would let us return to eachother in truth and honesty. However when we let it go, suddenly there was another attack, and it drove us even further apart.

It's not disobeying her parents, because in all reality it's just her Mom. Her Dad is not a part of raising and disciplining the children. And it is not God's wisedom because her Mom just uses church to inflict guilt and manipulate them. It's really quite disgusting in everything I've seen. And very painful too.

I've been praying that the Lord would give me some sort of closure. I just feel like after all I tried to get closer to God's will for us to be honest and open, and giving God the chance to see us through to truth, then suddenly it came that we had to be even further from eachother. This is all compounded by the fact that we had sex, so my feeling of commitment to her is so great. In a very real sense I feel married to her, and I know that's the mistake of having sex before marriage.

I see what you mean about interpretting signs. I did exactly the same thing you did, and gave up the relationship to let the Lord bring it back in truth. But instead of letting it drift from eachother's lives it was torn even further. I just feel like half of me is out there trying to survive, and the half of me that is here is expected to just keep moving, but can't.

E-beth said:

Read the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. Then read Jer 29:11 and keep it in your heart.

One question though...if you were to meet a girl now that you felt an attraction to, or if someone expressed an interest in you, would you explore a new relationship, or would you hold out hoping that your ex and you get things straightened out?

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Ironically I just read the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel just a few days ago.

If I met another girl who I was attracted to right now I would not be able to pursue it. My heart is still holding onto hope and I am still praying each day that the Lord would do a work in her family that would allow us to be together. I'm also pursuing work that would make a way for us to have a life together. Yes, I realize what the implications of this are. I'm not saying it's going to happen but it's something I just feel I must do.

If anyone believes that sex before marriage is "ok" and "doesn't hurt anyone", send them my way, I'll set them straight very easily.

I am still crying at night thinking of her, still hoping for her to call, still dreaming of seeing her online, or something. I just keep holding onto anything. I gave her everything of me, and I'm waiting on the Lord to move in my life if he wants me to move on. I have started to begin reclaiming my life, but my heart is still with her, my prayers are still for her. No, I can't think of being with anyone else. And if someone else were to express interest in me the Lord would have to give them the persistance and the patience of a Saint, because in no other way could they be seen as an interest to me.

It's amazing how much I feel my life is a cliche right now. I feel like everything I say or do is just something everyone says when they break up. Er, at least people who were really involved in the relationship. I just wonder if I will ever truly be able to let go.

But really I don't want to let go. I guess that's part of the problem. I am praying for redemption of our relationship, that we may be made whole, that I may honor the commitment of the union which I made with her. She is a wonderful woman who I love and adore, and who is so pressured and broken by her circumstances. But I don't feel I can move on, I feel like I'm waiting outside the prison gate for her to break free, sitting patiently for her to find the strength to get away.

I just don't know how to move on, how to leave her bound behind those gates, and how will I feel if she breaks away and I am not there. I know I'm a cliche, the waiting lover for whome there is no rest, but I just don't feel the will in my heart to move on, and it will take the will of God to press me to move on.

Heh, while I don't know the exact term for it, I do know that even when we sin God can use it to further his purpose for our lives. Or at least make purpose out of our mistakes. I don't know if that's what's "in the wings" so to speak, but that's just how I feel about it.

In Matt 1:25 it talks about how Joseph took Mary home as his wife, but had no union with her. Because she was with child, obviously. The bible acknowledges a bond between a man and a woman who have had sex. And it talks about this bond throughout the scriptures.

I just still feel guilty for abandoning her, a feeling like I have left a part of me with her, and I still feel the pain of what she's going through. Maybe I'm just too sympathetic, I don't know.

In the bible it talks about forming a union with those of ... "ill report" shall we say? I know in a lot of families those who have had sex are immediately married, regardless of the circumstances or such. Because that bond is there, so the only thing left is really to fulfill it in the eyes of the law.

Still, you're right, God would not put signs of what was against his will. And no I'm not saying it was God's will for us to have sex. But at the same time I would just like to believe God can use this. Maybe I'm just seeking some sort of rectification for my own personal feeling, who knows.

msjones21 said:

I wish someone would tell this to the guy who dropped me like a bad habit to go running back to his ex. Oh well. Sorry to hijack the thread there. I just needed to vent.

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It's ok, I've heard it all too often, "I just wish he would be more like you..." Blech.

drfeelgood said:

* drfeelgood looks for a sign to eat the chips or not to eat the chips.. This is the question.

"If you want me to eat these chips, give me no sign"

mrstace has the right idea I think We will conjure stuff out of thin air, and I can actually speak from experience on that one. Looking for signs is not a healthy practice, I don't believe. I think it's safer to grasp what the Bible has to say about healthy relationships and what professionals have to say as well. The two mixed together, keeping Biblical facts at the forefront, is an unbeatable combination.

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While I remember the Simpson's episode with the "give me a sign", I don't believe this is on par with eating chips. But yeah, I know what you mean.

I prayed for signs, and I prayed for confirmation of the signs. This was not just a "Oh, if you squint and look sidelong at that cloud there, it's her!" Though I do understand how signs are often conjured up. I won't get into what the signs were or how they were an answer to prayer, but I do believe in them.

As for now, I've been praying for a redemption and a renewal of our relationship. That the Lord would give me a chance to honor the union I have made with her, but at the same time I have given him the relationship as a sacrifice, that he may birth it new in each of our hearts, holy and according to his will, if we are to be together. I know that he knows my heart, and my desire. It's been a trying time, and the pain of what I lost is still so present.

I guess in a way I want to get past it, but I believe that's my flesh trying to protect itself, to be "big" and "let it all go". In my heart I still hold her so close to me, still want to be with her, and still love her so much. I guess it's just easier to see signs that confirm what my heart has felt. For all the major milestones in my life there have been signs, changes that only the Lord could bring, and other such wonders. Sometimes they are according to prompting in my heart, but other times they are out of the blue.

I don't believe looking for ONLY signs is right, but I think praying for signs and watching for them is proper.