23 Things You Never Want To Hear A Doctor Say

I wondered whether to post this in Creative Writing Center or in Fellowship Court. It is a joke I wrote about things you would never want to hear your doctor say. Here goes!
Things you don’t want to hear your doctor say:
1: I’ve never seen this illness, outside of my tour in Southeast Asia.
2: (on the phone to spouse) Hey, honey, we’re going to the Bahamas after all!
3: Hmm, where is the gallbladder anyway?
4: (to another doctor) Yeah, I know a great malpractice lawyer.
5: That, uh, depends on exactly how you define “quack.”
6: I wanna nother drink before I lookatya problems.
7: I have to be in court again? My last case only ended yesterday!
8: Before I issue a bill, I want to see the size of your wallet.
9: The hospital? No! You should be quarantined on a desert island! Goodbye. . .
10: Like, this is sooo cool!
11: (After surgery) Where’d I ever leave my keys, anyway?
12: NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE! NOOOOOOOO!
13: What do you mean, “they canceled my medical license?”
14: Hey! Aren’t you that complainer who got me thrown out of my last hospital job?
15: Forget about traditional billing-This is a robbery! Give me all your money!
16: I can’t help your broken right leg. I’m a left leg specialist.
17: (To receptionist) Get that patient with the stubbed toe his narcotic prescription, now!
18: It’s nice talking to you. All of my other patients are in comas.
19: What a mess . . . No, not you. My garbage can. I haven’t emptied it all week.
20: (Talking to a person in waiting room) I’m under arrest? Why? I didn’t do it this time!
21: I have never considered my incompetence as a barrier to practicing medicine.
22: Are you my autopsy patient?
23: Our records show that you never came here. In fact, they show that you were never even born.

Thanks!

I will post more soon!

You may send these to people or post them elsewhere, whatever, (same for my other thread about mechanics). They aren't copyrighted yet, however.

Thanks

-bump-

LOL !