Struggling with PPD and trying to be a mother

Hey hunny, I have been where you are first off what you need to do is back up and cool off, if you have to put him in his bed and let him cry don't feel bad just do it, its better then ending up like the Yates woman and drowning her kids. You know you have a problem and that something isn't right you have made the first step. Now what you need to do is call your doctor and tell him that the medication he gave you is not working, you may need to go and get help like I did, I had to be placed in a Psycatric ward, it sounds worse then it is, but you will get help and you will be able to be the mother your suppose to be to that child. Now your son sounds like he has colic, I"m not a doctor but my son also had it, try talking to the pediatrician about getting him on some kinda colic medication or changing his formula, he may not be getting fed enough, the formula may not be feeling him up, if you have tried giving him some cereal then try some baby foods. The peditricians say no but if your kid is hungry and your not getting any rest then I say go for it. My son had it and it worked, my mother inlaw started feeding him (shes a nurse) baby banana's at 2months old and he started to sleep all night long and I felt better. Something will help you just either have to face your fears and get it or something... If you really love your baby get more help then you have right now. PPD is not something to miss around with trust me, I couldn't give my son a bath I was afraid I would drowned him, I was afraid to be alone with him. I was afraid to be by myself expecialy around sharp objects. I was afraid for my life and my sons life because this deperssion isn't you, its satan and its evil and its gonna get worse if you do not get help quick.

I've also experienced it, but not in the same way. I never had thoughts of hurting my children, but PPD just literally turned me into somebody else. I look back and I don't recognize the woman that I was. The worst it ever got, I took off and just left...for 3 days, left my husband and my babies. I drove 1500 miles before I came to my senses and turned around and went home.

My cousin just had a baby and she was experiencing the same sorts of thoughts and feelings that you are. She was also taking Zoloft (had been taking it even before the baby came). She went back to her doctor and found out that Zoloft was making the problem worse. They switched her medication and she's fine now.

Go to your doctor and let her/him know that something is wrong. Let them know how your feeling and the thoughts you've been having. This is NOT uncommon and it doesn't make you a monster. There is help for it, so don't be afraid to admit your feelings and ask for help.

Praying for you.

I took effexor and Geodon

Wow... you have said some of the exact things my wife has said. My wife has struggled with PPD on and off over the past 5 years with all the miscarriages and it hits her very hard. Quiet frankly she scares me when she hits some of the lows. I am afraid of what she might do to our daughter herself or myself. She did go on medication once and it did help her. It mellowed her out. She didn't have the deep lows but she didn't have any reall highs either. This was better than the alternative at least.

My guess is that part of what is happening to you is probably from you being tired. I know that my wife has a much harder time dealing with things when she is not properly rested. It makes things 10x worse. Everything starts to become a mountain when she hasn't had a good night sleep.

I know it is the last thing you want to hear but it does get better with time. For us it has taken years and things are still not 'perfect' with this. The one thing that I try to be very conscious of is my wifes well being and mood. I have to watch her warning signs and react to them right away to keep things level. My wife and I are opposites which help. I stay calm even in the blow ups which is what she desperatly needs, which is what you desperatly need. You need your husband to see your warning signs and step in. There has been times when both my wife and myself have been run down and what we end up doing is taking short 'shifts' with our daughter. 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. Whatever it takes to get through without losing it. It seems silly to do the shift thing but it does work. If your husband doesn't see the your warning signs then you need to help him see them. You need to tell him that you need a break. You both have to work together to make sure that you both are getting the rest that you both need.

As Sara said, make sure you keep in contact with your doctor. They can help you get through things. Many times it can be a simple chemical inbalance that can be fixed with a perscrition and then diet. It also would be good for you guys to talk to your pastor or a counselor to help you guys learn how to wade through the stresses and challenges. They can help you and your husband work together as a well oiled machine. They will help you guys work off each other and reinforce each other. Parenting is one of the most important and hardest jobs a human can have. It is also one of the most rewarding and fullfilling jobs we can have.

Above all things, the thing we have seen that gets us through is our love for our child. She is a precious gift from God and doing our best to keep that our focus goes a long way. God can help. It may seem like He is silent and that is very hard to deal with. He is there. He does love you, your husband and your child. He has the power to change people in the most basic of ways. Have faith. Don't stop praying. Don't stop reading your Bible. Do this together with your husband. God will come through for you.

God bless you and your husband and your baby. May your never forget His love and His power and His presence in your life.

Proverbs31girl said:

I'm a new mother of an 8-month-old boy. From the time he was born, I have been struggling with some serious PPD. I am currently taking Zoloft for it. It has helped take the edge off some, but not much.

My husband does help out but I stay at home with him all day. I breastfeed so I'm the main one that deals with him at night. I have no relatives here that can help me.

Click to expand...

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this... I hope things improve for you soon!

I noticed these 2 things. That you are breast-feeding and taking Zoloft. Is it possible that your Zoloft is getting into your breast-milk and causing your son to be high-strung and irritable? Is it possible that you could switch to formula only? I know doctors say that meds. aren't passed along--but, I feel it's only logical to think it would. And doctors are only going by what the drug companies tell them--and those companies want to sell as much of their product as they can. Plus, by switching to a formula--that would allow your husband to feed the baby at night and let you get some much needed rest.

Of coarse, I can't tell you what you should do--but I, myself, would try to find a nice and respectable baby-sitter or day-care center that you could use. It could be for just a couple of days a week, for a few hours. Just so you could get some rest and do things that you enjoy--recharge your batteries, so to speak.

I hope things improve for you!!

Take Care,

Chrystal

My first one wasn't a sleeper either! He didn't sleep through the night til he was over 2. The second one was sleeping through the night first Dan loved to be held, and movement- the swing chair, back pack, front sling, etc. I kind of made up my mind that there isn't anything more important than caring for the baby- not cleaning, not cooking, nothing. I was a wreck.

Since you are so unhappy right now, you might want to think about switching from breast feeding to formula and baby food. It might help to even out your hormones, and your tension with you son is probably having an effect on his feeding, and your milk. You have done a great job so far. Now is the time to let someone else help out in the feeding department. It won't hurt your baby!!

I admire you for coming on here and seeking advice! That was the bravest thing I have seen here! This is such a taboo topic, and most loved ones do not find out that there was a problem until it is too late. I will be praying for you.

I didn't read the other posts, but honestly, at 8 months old, having serious trouble sleeping at all, have you discussed this with his ped. Has the ped. run any tests to find out about sleep apnea or any other disorder that may cause him to have serious trouble sleeping. This may be a physical problem. 8 months old is a little to old for typical colic, so don't let the ped. tell you that. Make them test the poor child for other problems. I am serious, that is WAAY too old to still be having those problems.

There is not a Mom alive who has not had the feelings and thoughts that you are having. Honest. Why mothers all lie to each other is beyond me. Sometimes, parenting is hell - no two ways about it!

Katydid raises an excellent point - talk to your ped.

What's in your diet? Some foods Mom's eat can cause major problems for kids who are breastfed - caffeine, chocolate, spicy foods, high gas producing foods...

I am a HUGE fan of breastfeeding, but breastfeeding is only a parenting tool, it is not a goal in and of itself. It may well bepossible that your child would sleep better on a formula.

Get yourself some respite care. It seems clear to me that you are probably in a state of sleep deprevation. I was there with one of my kids. It's awful! You need to get more sleep. Call on relatives, church, neighbors... you need to have some chunks of time when you are not responsible for your son.

Check out Le Leche League. They have great resources and someone there may be able to help you. If nothing else, it will be face-to-face contact with other women of nursing children.

HANH IN THERE! This will not last forever. I know that it seems like it will, that this is what the rest of your life will be like. But things can and will get better. Honest!

What books have you read on the topic of sleeping? I'm curious what you've tried and want to see if there's anything I know of that you haven't yet.
What does your full day look like, on an hour-by-hour basis? Do you play with your baby in the evening? Do you feed on demand? What does the day look like? How does he fall asleep (when he does)?

On the feeding thing, if it were me I would either switch to some formula or some pumped breast milk and get dh to take over some of the feedings for me. Even if formula is "second rate" it's still better for your kid than you doing something you regretted in your state of sleep deprivation, and he's had good milk for 8 months, that is awesome. Have you got a sling so you could wear him all the time like he wants, but not have to give up your freedom so much? I know the constant whining is maddening but if you haven't been holding him all day long maybe trying that could lessen the anxiety somewhat and even help him to sleep better....

But yeah, what everybody said - hang in there, just get through a little longer. The older your baby is, the more he will be able to comprehend and the more you can exercise discipline rather than self-sacrifice. If nothing else, just hang in there till you can do that.

Ruhama said:

What books have you read on the topic of sleeping? I'm curious what you've tried and want to see if there's anything I know of that you haven't yet.
What does your full day look like, on an hour-by-hour basis? Do you play with your baby in the evening? Do you feed on demand? What does the day look like? How does he fall asleep (when he does)?

On the feeding thing, if it were me I would either switch to some formula or some pumped breast milk and get dh to take over some of the feedings for me. Even if formula is "second rate" it's still better for your kid than you doing something you regretted in your state of sleep deprivation, and he's had good milk for 8 months, that is awesome. Have you got a sling so you could wear him all the time like he wants, but not have to give up your freedom so much? I know the constant whining is maddening but if you haven't been holding him all day long maybe trying that could lessen the anxiety somewhat and even help him to sleep better....

But yeah, what everybody said - hang in there, just get through a little longer. The older your baby is, the more he will be able to comprehend and the more you can exercise discipline rather than self-sacrifice. If nothing else, just hang in there till you can do that.

Click to expand...

If she has PPD, then it want just go away, she needs medical help, if she has it as bad as I did then she needs more medical help then the Doctor (Obgyn or midwife) can give her. Sounds like she needs a change in antideperssants, her being deperssed is making the baby deperssed and the baby can feel the energy from the mom and if she is deperssed the baby is too so.

Try going here http://www.kellymom.com/ppd/ppd-quiz.php taking the test see what your score is and print it out and hand it to your doc, this well show your doctor what they are dealing with and what kinda treatmeant you may need.

Yeah, I know that she's got PPD, I can't help with the medical side but I wanted to offer advice on the practical side if I could. I've had hormonally-induced depression too and I remeber that any practical help that would make my life easier also helped a little with the depression. The crying and the stuff that the baby is doing, those will go with time. That is what I was referring to.

Oh, addendum: to the OP, I highly suggest avoiding birth control pills if you do go back to sex soon, use condoms or something else. Whatever might chemically imbalance you is a very bad idea.

I would also talk to both of your doctors - for you, ask your doc to switch your meds. Paxil is safe for both pregnancy (not that you want to think about that anytime soon) and breastfeeding and works very well (it is what I take). It definitely balances out the mood swings and helps "normalize" you again. It was a God-send for us when my doctor prescribed it for me. And, like Katydid said, be sure to talk with your ped about your son. He may have something more going on than just not being a good sleeper. How is he with digesting food; is he spitty? Is he congested a lot? He could have reflux - there are two forms - the one where it's pretty noticable because of spitting up and then the "silent" form where the symptoms are more, well, silent. Either way, his sleeping would be really off as laying down will cause the acid to reflux back up and make him really uncomfortable. Diagnosing what might be causing his sleep issues could help you all. Also, do you co-sleep? It may help you all get more sleep as you could just roll over and nurse him back to sleep without having to get out of bed in the middle of the night. Also, if you can, lay down with him when you are trying to get him down for a nap - he might settle down and sleep on your chest while you get some sleep too. And I also recommend carrying him around in a sling while awake - he will settle down, feel secure, and maybe even get some extra sleep while snuggled up against you. Let me know if you need a sling ... I can make one and send it to you. I know you are at your wit's end (I've been there with PPD and PTSD), but I would still caution you before weaning and starting formula - as odd as it might sound right now with your current condition, breastfeeding does release good, "mommy" hormones and is better for your babe if he does have something like reflux affecting his sleep. I would suggest though trying elimation of foods from your diet to see if they help him - especially dairy.

So, to sum it up ,
*Call your doctor and get your med's changed to something that works! (I'd recommend Paxil but that's just from personal experience.)
*Call your son's pediatrician to see if there's something preventing him from sleeping, like silent reflux.
*Co-sleep with him to encourage more breastfeeding and hopefully longer sleep times.
*Carry him in a sling while awake to encourage more settling of his system and possibly even some more sleep.

And please let us know how you are doing ... you are not alone in this struggle and it is good to admit you need help!

What you are going thru is normal! Being a parent is the hardest job on earth, but also the most rewarding! I know that books can help sometimes, but honestly what helped me the most, was putting the books away & trusting myself! Thats when I figured out what works for me & my baby!

This is my Favorite Mother's Poem!
Someone gave it to me when I was pregnant. I just love it!

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God:

"They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

"But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy."

"Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy."

"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?"

"Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

"Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?"

"Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

"Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

"Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel,
"Mommy."

Ok, so i agree with everyone else that you are very brave to admit that...but know that you are not alone...it is a very common problem among women espically who have had ppd as long as you have...I would suggest the following Four things...

1. Talk with the pediatrician because i think there may be a biological factor that is contributing to this..at 8 months he should be sleeping through the night or almost the whol night

2. Get away find a friend or someone that can look after him for a day or two and just go with your husband and have a relaxing day together just the two of you.

3. Make him work with YOUR scheduale not the other way around...sure it will be tough for the first couple of days but no tougher then what you are going through now...and after those days it will be much much better..IT is ok to let your baby be in the crib as long as you can hear him and know he is safe

4. It may be good to talk to someone about it...not so much raiseing your kid but about the PPD because that can become very serious if gone untreated..so if you have not already talked to a professional you may want to look into it....they can be good for support and suggestions ...if at all possible get your husband to go with you too...you know it all could be affecting him as well just seeing you have to deal with it all....

Well, i hope this helps and that you take me up on some of this advice...i only wish you the best....May god bless you and your husband and your precious little boy!

Proverbs31girl said:

The breastfeeding really isn't a problem. It's just that when he does wake in the middle of the night, he absolutely does NOT want Daddy, he just wants me. He will cry and cry until I come in there. Should I just let my husband deal with it?

Click to expand...

Yes definitly, he only cries for you because he knows that you will come...IF you don't come everysingle time then he will learn that daddy is ok sometimes too....and he will stop screaming for you after a while....you just have to be consistant if you give in then it will mess it up...so once you decide on something no matter how hard it is you have to keep to it...i know it is hard to hear your baby cry but at the same time you are the adult and you are doing what YOU know is the best thing... IF you ever need to talk i am hear for you just PM me or IM me or e-mail me too God bless