I'm feeling terrible

You must have a lot of potential for Satan to be attacking you that hard. St. Seraphim's biography described similar warfare. But he pushed through it through prayer even though he became very depressed and despondant at the devil's attacks. Don't give up! Orthodoxy is true, and sticking with it will bring you victory and blessing beyond what you've experienced so far.

Dear Esran,

I understand what you are saying. Have you become a "Catacumen" yet? The prayer the Father read and the blessing I recieved really helped me with this spiritual battle. I have found myself in the same place as you. My prayers book even comments upon vain worldly thoughts during prayers.

This path we are on is not the easy one. It is difficult and full of battles. Ask your Guardian Angel for assistance and call upon the Saints you are the closest to for assistance. Theotokos is just a word away and She lovingly prayes ceaselessly for us.

I would also like to remind you of the power of the recitation of the prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy upon me a sinner." I don't have a prayer rope myself, but I use a rosary and have found this meditation to help.

Recently I asked my priest about what to do when I am feeling too upset and too mentally challenged to pray even. He told me to light my vigil candles and burn incense and to remember that these acts are prayers.

Furthermore, I started to add some prostrations to my prayers. I was doing "mitillas" (Oh, dear that is not the spelling... doing the touching of the floor in humility) but sometimes doing full prostrations is what it takes to get my mind where it belongs. This involves bending the knees and putting both hands on the floor and then lowering down onto the knees then bringing ones forehead to touch the ground and then immediately raising back up again by pushing up off the floor with ones hands and getting back onto our feet.

I will do a prostration when my morning or evening prayer has the words "I (or we) fall" before you. Some prayer books will have these directions in them.

I missed vigil this week and also Divine Liturgy and last week I missed Divine Liturgy and I also feel bad. But I remember my Priest saying that to feel bad and to be humbled by it is good, to feel bad and become self righteous is a sin.

We are human and will will make mistakes and do things we wished we didn't, or not do things that we wished we would. Saint Paul told us that he had the same experience. Pray to Saint Paul for his assistance.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy. We are all sinners, all have fallen short of the Glory of God. You are not alone my brother!

Esran, I didn't make it to Liturgy this morning for the same reason. Yes, going to church is important, but don't turn it into a legalistic thing. Your salvation is not in church attendence, though church attendence is helpful and important. We ALL struggle with things. No one here does everything perfectly. Don't let Satan discourage you by self-condemnation.

About the voices.....this concerns me. Do you actually hear audible voices? Or are these "voices" more like thoughts or images in your head? I have no doubt that Satan does not want you to move closer to Christ, Esran. He doesn't want that for any of us. But please know that God has chosen you, and He will not abandon you to the enemy. I encourage you to give the priest a call and talk to him about these struggles. He will not judge you, but will most likely be willing to help you. You are in my prayers, little brother!

Esran,

Hang in there! Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath - a little extra rest isn't that bad on a Sunday if it's not a habit, seems to me.

I looked at your profile and noticed that you enjoy DnD - is that dungeons & dragons? I don't have firsthand experience on this, but have heard of cases where people who are into that game open themselves to some scary stuff. You might consider seeing if your priest is comfortable with it.

From another former protestant,
George

Thornygrace,

You just posted to Esran similarly to how I posted to you in the tavern. Sorry if my post makes you roll your eyes. I'm a catechumen, too, btw.

Andrea, I'm going now to read your post. I am sure it will be medicine most needed.

Esran, talk to your priest asap, and pray, pray, pray. The barrage will not last forever, and it is an opportunity to start learning how to fight.

Esran, far be it from me to offer any spiritual guidance, or add to what others have said, with one exception:

Learn to recognize that this mood is a phase. Fight with it, and it will pass. Noone can make you accept this state of sin and rebellion except for yourself.

You are in my prayers.
+Kevin

Esran,

May we all recover from our worldliness! I think the Orthodox call that process "salvation".

Esran said:

I slept through the Divine Liturgy today. By the time I finally got out of bed it was too late to make it, and now I'm feeling really bad about myself. I could've gotten out of bed. I have no excuse for my absence.

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Me too.

It was not God's loss but my own. May we pray for strength during assaults of the enemy, and our faith be established by He who has conquered and conquers through us.

Amen
So be it

Hi Andrea and all,

There have been times when I felt the same way about going to Mass. Needless to say, I end up going to confession and feeling horrible too. I have seen on EWTN the "prostrations" and I thought that was interesting. I didn't realize that we could pray that way too.

Esran, thanks for your words of encouragement and hope.

God's Peace,

D'ann

The Jesus Prayer really helps me when I'm under particular attack. I just keep saying it and meditating on it and the attack will invariably stop and I will experience a deep peace. Sometimes it takes a while but it has always worked for me. I will absolutely keep you in my prayers and I know how you are feeling, bro. We're all here for you.

D'Ann said:

Hi Andrea and all,

There have been times when I felt the same way about going to Mass. Needless to say, I end up going to confession and feeling horrible too. I have seen on EWTN the "prostrations" and I thought that was interesting. I didn't realize that we could pray that way too.

Esran, thanks for your words of encouragement and hope.

God's Peace,

D'ann

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Good to see you, Debbie. Did you see that they're looking to construct an Orthodox/Catholic folder? We could meet there, too.

When I am under attack, I always wonder who is doing it, which does not help matters at all. So I assume that it is the beast, that is Satan, and his hoard of demons and so forth, which then causes me to pray. Lord have mercy! Sometimes He does have mercy, at other times nothing happens, and I get the feeling that all is lost!
Knowing me it could very well be all is lost! But push on I do.
So you folks in cyberspace can see me posting, if not then you know the end came to me, which would affect you guys more than me. So whatever keep up the struggle, and carry on, for if no one does all is lost. What a shame that would be!
So whatever is the cause, just think it is the devil and his hoard of creatures, then you will be able to survive another day or so. If this stuggle is in our own minds and nowhere else, goodness we have been very stupid!!!
So either we are stupid, or paranoid, or what have you, which does not make us feel very good at all does it? So say to yourselves, I am not good or smart, but pray I must, and hope for mercy, if there is no mercy, I am one sorry state of matter! That should help, if not it will end yourself.
Reader Nilus

Esran, we have all gone through this at one time or another. The narrow path that leads to eternal life is not easy, and our struggles continue all our life. God understands our struggles and will comfort us when we go to Him in prayer. He will forgive our lapses when we repent and seek His mercy. God does not expect you to be some sort of spiritual superman. Ours is a journey of faith. When we start out we stumble a lot, just like a child learning to walk. We just have to keep on trying, getting up when we fall. With time we grow spiritually and are less vulnerable to the attacks of the Evil One.


Praying for you,
Wiffey