Here is my dilemma right now, technically the world says I am schizophrenic/schizo-effective BTW, but as I was recently trying to tell my counselor, everything is voices to me, and I was recently trying to tell her about the two kingdoms, and how there was one with it own voices on the inside of me, but that there was also one with it's own voices on the outside of me, etc, and how I thought one was my friend, but that the other one was always out to get me, or was always out to constantly "get to me" in some way constantly, etc...
I was listening to a sermon the other day, and it brought up how the angel/angels that visited Abraham and Sarah, and told them they were going to have a baby, and Sarah laughed on the inside or internally, but not on the outside or outwardly, that the angel knew about it/this, and heard her clearly even though it was only on the inside of her, and was only in her own internal dialog only, but the angel knew it, and asked her why she laughed about it, and when she then told him she didn't, and he told her, "yes you did, and I heard it very clearly", basically, etc...
Anyway, my point is about certain people or angels or spirits or entities or God knowing your internal dialog/thoughts and causing things on the outside to happen letting you know that he/it knows it, etc, because it happens to me all of the time, and I mean like "all of the time" and with "almost everything constantly", etc, it is always trying to tell me or let me know by causing something on the outside to happen to let me know that He or it knows it, etc, and normally this might not be a major problem, except sometimes it is very, very, very "unkind" a lot of the time, and is downright cruel and sadistic and very, very mean sometimes, etc...
So, I told my counselor about the two kingdoms I thought were there, etc, one consisting of my own internal dialog and thoughts and going on on the inside of me, which is not a problem at all most of the time, but then one on the outside that causes me all kinds of "hell" and all kinds of problems a great, great deal of the time, etc...
I am on disability and do not work now anymore ever since these problems started about 12 years ago now, etc, so I live alone, and am a homebody, and stay at home a lot of the time due to the problems I have with whatever it is that is going on almost always on the outside of me, etc, at home, and all by myself at home, I have very little problems, and actually get to enjoy my own internal dialog and thoughts, or the voices inside of me, etc, also at home, I get to control all that is happening and/or is ever going on on the outside of me as well, so I am at peace then, etc, but that all changes once I leave my home or go somewhere away from my home and on the outside of me again, etc...
Jesus said that God's Kingdom was within, etc, and seemed to imply that there was also Satan and Satan's kingdom on the outside, etc, so I am following him in this I think, (Jesus, etc), "I think anyway", etc, but does Satan have access to our own internal dialog, or does just God, or is it both, or do also angels and demons do also, or "what", etc...?
Because both seem to have access to my own internal dialog, etc, and can both make things happen on the outside that let's you/me know that they know and hear and can talk back to you by it or through it, or by using it, etc...
But Jesus said that the ones on the inside were good, while implying that the ones on the outside can be bad, or evil, etc... But I'm wondering if he made a mistake, etc...? Because what if the ones or one on the outside is actually God, or is God the Spirit, and if I make a mistake in this, can I somehow blaspheme God the Holy Spirit, etc...? And if it was a mistake, which I'm not saying it is or was yet at this point, but am just not wanting to make a mistake, etc, but and/or anyway, if it was a mistake, was it one that had to be done or made in order to reconcile us all back to God the Spirit or Holy Spirit as God, etc...?
Anyway, this is my dilemma right now, and has been my dilemma for quite a while now, etc...
It's so bad when I go out a lot of the time that I have to put headphones/earbuds in to block it all out, etc...
And without earbuds in, I cannot go where there is a lot of noise, or people talking, or around a lot of other people's tvs or radios, or around just a lot of noise and commotion a lot of the time, etc...
But, what do you guys think...? Am I making a mistake in this...? Did Jesus make a mistake in this, etc...? And if it is not a mistake, then what do you think I should do about it, etc...? I do not want to commit the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, etc... They all clearly and always constantly all have access to my own internal dialog and thoughts, etc, which is trepidatious enough all on it's own or all by itself, let alone what is going on or is always happening to me all of the time with all of it, etc...
Anyway, what do you guys think, and what do you think I should do about it, etc...?
God Bless!
