I have been struggling with the matter of salvation for 48 years, so excuse me if this is a little long. I plan to have the following text translated into Spanish so I can read it to my girlfriend, who, like me, is APPARENTLY a Christian.
the ocd christian needs to know that salvation occurs in a moment and that salvation is forever. i know these things. but not all of my questions about christianity have yet been answered. i plan to go on a christian forums website tomorrow and ask the following question. i would understand some things about the christian life are understood fully as soon as one becomes a christian and others are gradually understood over time. the bible says that believers are not their own but that they were bought with a price. my question is: does a believer realize all at once, as soon as they become a believer, that they are not their own? or does this realizarion grow gradually over time? i understand myself to be a christian even though i do not know the answer to this question. yet it is an important question. some people differentiate between people who are saved and disciples. they say one can be saved without being a disciple. i'm suspicious of that viewpoint. i have understood that, in order to be saved, one has to fully, unreservedly give their life to christ. one cannot give five percent of their life today, a further five percent tomorrow, a further five percent the day after tomorrow, and so on, until after twenty days, they have given their full life to christ. i understand it is all or nothing, all at once. yet, christians say that a believer grows in faith over time. they say that as one continues the christian walk, the holy spirit brings more and more of their life under his control. my brother heard it said this way: in order to become a believer, one must give all that they know of themselves to all that they know of jesus christ. then, the idea is, as they grow in christ, the holy spirit will reveal to them more of their sinfulness and they will surrender more of their life to him. my question is, how aware is a new christian of the fact that he or she is not their own, but were bought with a price, when they first become a christian, versus how aware are they of this later in their christian life? i do not actually know what it is like to not be one's own. i'm not quite sure what that means. i understand one is supposed to live for jesus and not for one's self. but how that works out in moment-by-moment, daily life, i'm not sure. my brother heard that at conversion, one should give all that they know of themselves to all that they know of jesus christ. but i do not know all of myself. the bible says that the human heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things, who can know it? so if i cannot even know the depths of my own heart, how can i give all of my heart to jesus? i believe in salvation-in-a-moment. but if one has to give their whole heart to jesus and they cannot know much of their own heart, how can they give their whole heart to jesus? they would have to give some of their heart now, and as they learn more about their own heart, they could give more of it to him later. therefore, it would seem salvation is a process that you never reach the end of. salvation would not occur in a moment, in that case. but the bible clearly supports salvation-in-a-moment.
If I had to answer this question myself, I would say that one consciously surrenders themselves to christ’s control at conversion. Then, over time, the holy spirit will make them more aware of parts of their life that they did not really surrender at conversion. But then it seems somewhat tricky to know if you have fully surrendered. When considering my own need to come to christ, I like to make it simple. I like to consider those verses that portray instant conversion to christ. Like the woman at the well, and like the man who found that jesus had already healed his son the day before, and the bible says “then he believed and his whole household.” I don’t tend to like complicated conversion confrontations, like Nicodemus and the rich, young ruler. Yet I have imagined myself as the rich young ruler. I have imagined the rich young ruler as realizing that he is not YET ready to follow christ, but simultaneously realizing that if he does not follow christ, he is going to hell. So then, he can go on with his life, realizing he is going to hell. That would be a picture of me and my life for several decades. He would be aware of his future destiny in hell, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. That realization would constantly be hanging over his head. It would color his whole perspective. It would color his whole life. As he lived on, life events would happen, such as the death of family members. Eventually, this realization about hell would impact him severely enough that he would begin a serious search for salvation. He would become obsessed with salvation and become dysfunctional as long as he understands that he remains outside the kingdom of heaven. In desperation, he would seek that moment of conversion and the relief it would bring.
That is a picture of my life. I have been on a full-time quest for salvation since at least my mother’s death, eleven years ago. I have supposedly given my life to christ on many occasions. But then there always comes the doubt: did I really mean it? Am I really saved? I would follow suggestions to write down the date, and possibly the time, of conversion. The idea is to have that handy in case I doubt later. Sometimes, years later, I find some of these written dates. I can remember finding one in a drawer with the year 2014 on it. That was 8 years ago. Sometimes I am so sure I have really given my life to christ that I figure, “this is it! I’m not going to doubt again!” but an expert on religious ocd says that a` person with it will be sure one day, then a few days later, totally doubt it. With ocd, present doubt is always stronger than a past memory.
I was so sure I had given my life to Christ on Monday, February 28, that I declared, to Jesus, to myself and to my girlfriend, that all future doubts about my salvation were to be bounced off that date, February 28. That rhymes in English, so it is easy to remember: “All future doubts about my salvation are to be bounced off that date, February twenty-eight.” But, yesterday, while not strongly doubting my salvation, I considered the verse which says, “you are not your own, you were bought with a price.” Most of my life, I have considered myself my own. The idea of not being my own is a foreign and objectionable concept. So, I began to think about the concept of being a Christian, but viewing “you are not your own” as a foreign and objectionable concept. I realize that is a contradiction in terms. As I continued thinking, I thought that many things about the Christian walk and life are probably discovered gradually over time by the believer; they are not fully realized at the moment of conversion. Being not one’s own may be one of these things that dawns on the believer gradually. Yet, on the one hand, I could consider that seeing “not my own” as an objectionable concept could mean I am not a Christian. On the other hand, “all future doubts about my salvation are to be bounced off that date, February twenty-eight.”
I realize that you have to give your all to Jesus to become a believer, to be saved, to not be headed for hell. Yet you can be saved in a moment. How much of yourself, and how much all there is to know about the Christian life and walk, can be taken into account in a single moment of conversion?
the ocd christian needs to know that salvation occurs in a moment and that salvation is forever. i know these things. but not all of my questions about christianity have yet been answered. i plan to go on a christian forums website tomorrow and ask the following question. i would understand some things about the christian life are understood fully as soon as one becomes a christian and others are gradually understood over time. the bible says that believers are not their own but that they were bought with a price. my question is: does a believer realize all at once, as soon as they become a believer, that they are not their own? or does this realizarion grow gradually over time? i understand myself to be a christian even though i do not know the answer to this question. yet it is an important question. some people differentiate between people who are saved and disciples. they say one can be saved without being a disciple. i'm suspicious of that viewpoint. i have understood that, in order to be saved, one has to fully, unreservedly give their life to christ. one cannot give five percent of their life today, a further five percent tomorrow, a further five percent the day after tomorrow, and so on, until after twenty days, they have given their full life to christ. i understand it is all or nothing, all at once. yet, christians say that a believer grows in faith over time. they say that as one continues the christian walk, the holy spirit brings more and more of their life under his control. my brother heard it said this way: in order to become a believer, one must give all that they know of themselves to all that they know of jesus christ. then, the idea is, as they grow in christ, the holy spirit will reveal to them more of their sinfulness and they will surrender more of their life to him. my question is, how aware is a new christian of the fact that he or she is not their own, but were bought with a price, when they first become a christian, versus how aware are they of this later in their christian life? i do not actually know what it is like to not be one's own. i'm not quite sure what that means. i understand one is supposed to live for jesus and not for one's self. but how that works out in moment-by-moment, daily life, i'm not sure. my brother heard that at conversion, one should give all that they know of themselves to all that they know of jesus christ. but i do not know all of myself. the bible says that the human heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things, who can know it? so if i cannot even know the depths of my own heart, how can i give all of my heart to jesus? i believe in salvation-in-a-moment. but if one has to give their whole heart to jesus and they cannot know much of their own heart, how can they give their whole heart to jesus? they would have to give some of their heart now, and as they learn more about their own heart, they could give more of it to him later. therefore, it would seem salvation is a process that you never reach the end of. salvation would not occur in a moment, in that case. but the bible clearly supports salvation-in-a-moment.
If I had to answer this question myself, I would say that one consciously surrenders themselves to christ’s control at conversion. Then, over time, the holy spirit will make them more aware of parts of their life that they did not really surrender at conversion. But then it seems somewhat tricky to know if you have fully surrendered. When considering my own need to come to christ, I like to make it simple. I like to consider those verses that portray instant conversion to christ. Like the woman at the well, and like the man who found that jesus had already healed his son the day before, and the bible says “then he believed and his whole household.” I don’t tend to like complicated conversion confrontations, like Nicodemus and the rich, young ruler. Yet I have imagined myself as the rich young ruler. I have imagined the rich young ruler as realizing that he is not YET ready to follow christ, but simultaneously realizing that if he does not follow christ, he is going to hell. So then, he can go on with his life, realizing he is going to hell. That would be a picture of me and my life for several decades. He would be aware of his future destiny in hell, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. That realization would constantly be hanging over his head. It would color his whole perspective. It would color his whole life. As he lived on, life events would happen, such as the death of family members. Eventually, this realization about hell would impact him severely enough that he would begin a serious search for salvation. He would become obsessed with salvation and become dysfunctional as long as he understands that he remains outside the kingdom of heaven. In desperation, he would seek that moment of conversion and the relief it would bring.
That is a picture of my life. I have been on a full-time quest for salvation since at least my mother’s death, eleven years ago. I have supposedly given my life to christ on many occasions. But then there always comes the doubt: did I really mean it? Am I really saved? I would follow suggestions to write down the date, and possibly the time, of conversion. The idea is to have that handy in case I doubt later. Sometimes, years later, I find some of these written dates. I can remember finding one in a drawer with the year 2014 on it. That was 8 years ago. Sometimes I am so sure I have really given my life to christ that I figure, “this is it! I’m not going to doubt again!” but an expert on religious ocd says that a` person with it will be sure one day, then a few days later, totally doubt it. With ocd, present doubt is always stronger than a past memory.
I was so sure I had given my life to Christ on Monday, February 28, that I declared, to Jesus, to myself and to my girlfriend, that all future doubts about my salvation were to be bounced off that date, February 28. That rhymes in English, so it is easy to remember: “All future doubts about my salvation are to be bounced off that date, February twenty-eight.” But, yesterday, while not strongly doubting my salvation, I considered the verse which says, “you are not your own, you were bought with a price.” Most of my life, I have considered myself my own. The idea of not being my own is a foreign and objectionable concept. So, I began to think about the concept of being a Christian, but viewing “you are not your own” as a foreign and objectionable concept. I realize that is a contradiction in terms. As I continued thinking, I thought that many things about the Christian walk and life are probably discovered gradually over time by the believer; they are not fully realized at the moment of conversion. Being not one’s own may be one of these things that dawns on the believer gradually. Yet, on the one hand, I could consider that seeing “not my own” as an objectionable concept could mean I am not a Christian. On the other hand, “all future doubts about my salvation are to be bounced off that date, February twenty-eight.”
I realize that you have to give your all to Jesus to become a believer, to be saved, to not be headed for hell. Yet you can be saved in a moment. How much of yourself, and how much all there is to know about the Christian life and walk, can be taken into account in a single moment of conversion?
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