In my own life, I have found that I am the problem

[Mark Dohle]

In my own life, I have found that I am the problem

“Don’t you come to Me with more confidence than to any friend on earth?
Aren’t you at home in My heart?
It should be that way too, since for each soul
I am the unique, the incomparable one.

Bossis, Gabrielle. He and I (Kindle Locations 1344-1346).
Pauline Books and Media. Kindle Edition.

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My sister Judy and I will often have a conversation, whether or not the Christian faith is a religion. She says no, I say yes. However, she does have a point. Religion can be simply an empty gourd, a strong exterior, but hollow inside. Prayer and ritual can become just an empty show, even if the prayers are beautiful, and the ritual profound in its implications. The Eucharist comes to mind. If the heart is not there, not much, if anything, is gleaned from the experience.

It takes mindfulness, presence to what one is doing to make one’s faith, and yes, religion an integral part of one’s life. For if it is true that in “God we live and move and have our being":, then our relationship with ultimate reality is of utmost importance.

God’s love as shown in the Christian Scriptures can be a scandal to many. To say that God is love is not always an easy concept to embrace. Many live in the world with lives that have little true love in them. Many think love is just an emotion, and when that emotion dies out the love is over. It can lead to a frustrating search all of one’s life for something that cannot exist. Emotions come and go, they can even dry up when one is ill. Does that mean that love dies? No, but the love must come from a deeper place.

Jesus shows us how this works. He gave his last drop of blood to show his love for us. Endured betrayal, abandonment, injustice, torture, imprisonment, and finally a slow horrible death. Yet he forgave all in the end. I am sure that was not something that resembles the infatuation that many think is true love. No matter how strong one’s attraction is towards someone, if it cannot mature beyond the ‘honeymoon' stage, it is only a mist that will evaporate when reality sits in. Love is about the long haul, not about a week or longer of intense emotions that can’t last.

Christianity is about having a deep, personal, trusting relationship with the revelation of the Father’s love in Jesus Christ. We are called to look to the Infinite, revealed as love, and to walk forwards not letting our own faults, sins, and deep self-destructive aspects, get in the way.

There are many voices in our unconscious that talk to us all the time. Some whisper, some scream, each wanting to protect us from reality. They are our wounds fearful of facing life more freely. We are called to die to self, to let the voices speak, but to understand that there is one voice we need to listen to, which can be deeper than any whisperings. That voice says “Come to me all who are overburdened and I will give rest”. Also, Jesus says “Do not fear. Fear is useless what is needed is trust’.

In my own life, I have found that I am the problem. When I look only at myself all I see is broken promises, wounds, and a fear of being in the Infinite Light. It takes the choice to have trust, to have confidence in God’s love, to be able to open up ones inner chaos, failures, and yes even self-hatred to Jesus Christ. He already sees it, we just need to make that truth our reality. Then we fear nothing that is within for we have given it over. We turn over our souls, our whole being into the arms of our faithful Creator. We call God “Abba’, let us live out of that truth. In that, we learn that our deepest longings are fulfilled only by this.-Br.MD

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[Jeshu]

You know what i found to be true about all that in my life? i found that we have to die in our bad life and get dressed in our good life along the way faith in God's love takes us.

In each aspect of my self hatred, for example, i had to die, willingly stop being like that, before Christ dressed me with His love for me to love myself with, unbelievable how much healing that brought into my wretched life, and i could also finally begin to love my neighbour true.

My problem was that i suffer from a depressive illness, this generated much bad life in me. Lies i believed about myself and that kept me down and out and in the camp of sinners.

Then Christ showed me to love true has everything to do with true religion.

Think about it, in those self where i looked down on myself, and labelled myself, and was filled with self hatred and reproach, i needed to stop doing that. i needed to repent ruling myself lovelessly and ask Jesus to give me true love to care for myself, especially where i had inner wounds.

This is what i began to do! i began to share out the love of God to all of myself also where i still had life in wrong i extended love, grace and goodwill.

Especially in my poor, sick, imprisoned, enslaved, oppressed, mocked, hated, mistreated self i needed to apply the love of Christ and place myself under Christ's care.

It took a long time, for i was very wretched but Jesus did do it in the end and set me free in His love

So incredible thankful Jesus taught me to do that. For now in all of those parts of my life i have found freedom from sin and new life. Where even real pressing bad life can not move my eyes from Jesus any more. For that is how we learn to do right, keeping our eyes peeled on Jesus 24/7.

Peace.

Raptured

I thought I been no good all my life
I was stuck with cold loveless strife
much in me had little faith in God's grace
as my loveless ways had kept me from His Face.

In my bad life I was untrue and insincere
weak and hopelessly overcome by my fear
I didn't believe God would love me as well
always believing what the inner liars tell.

Oh these massive hailstones pounding me
considering how bad I had turned out to be
fire and brimstone following my inner despair
for of loving truth I hadn't taken any care.

Where is your God my tormentors jeered
the bottomless pit opening as they sneered
my good life stolen from me as I fell down
my godlessness now with misery me to drown!

Unbearable was the agony as I met sinners fate
flames of torment untrue and loveless sin berate
self hate upping the temperature so very high
gnashing of teeth and wailing my constant cry

And so I languish in torment pondering my fate
still wondering how come I had been to late
doubting unbelief and unforgiven sin my misery
As I watched myself turn completely ungodly.

My Hell was an Endless Torturous Night.
that comes to all with bad life inside
where one's untrue and loveless deeds
now constant fire and brimstone reaps.

After many years The Truth came fiannly down to me
for only God's Grace could reach into my misery
and so my bad life the goats in charge could keep
As Jesus came and collected me in all my sheep.

Awakened to the truth I arose from the dead
God's breath of loving truth entering me instead
a fast army arose as Ezekiel prophesied to my soul
His blinding light directing me to my new goal.

And so I flew up to meet Him in the wink of an eye
Heart piercing wails from the rule of the lie
raging Hell poured down on where I had been
Father' holy wrath burning evil so very mean.

Jesus beaming smile betrayed no harm
will for wrong simply died in His loving charm
and so He also baptised me with holy fire
His loving truth tending my every hearts desire.

144,000 holy ones Jesus brought from above
rebuilding my heart in His Kingdom of love
teaching me The Way to do things right
forever denying evil wrong ruling me inside.

 

[Mark Dohle]

You know what i found to be true about all that in my life? i found that we have to die in our bad life and get dressed in our good life along the way faith in God's love takes us.

In each aspect of my self hatred, for example, i had to die, willingly stop being like that, before Christ dressed me with His love for me to love myself with, unbelievable how much healing that brought into my wretched life, and i could also finally begin to love my neighbour true.

My problem was that i suffer from a depressive illness, this generated much bad life in me. Lies i believed about myself and that kept me down and out and in the camp of sinners.

Then Christ showed me to love true has everything to do with true religion.

Think about it, in those self where i looked down on myself, and labelled myself, and was filled with self hatred and reproach, i needed to stop doing that. i needed to repent ruling myself lovelessly and ask Jesus to give me true love to care for myself, especially where i had inner wounds.

This is what i began to do! i began to share out the love of God to all of myself also where i still had life in wrong i extended love, grace and goodwill.

Especially in my poor, sick, imprisoned, enslaved, oppressed, mocked, hated, mistreated self i needed to apply the love of Christ and place myself under Christ's care.

It took a long time, for i was very wretched but Jesus did do it in the end and set me free in His love

So incredible thankful Jesus taught me to do that. For now in all of those parts of my life i have found freedom from sin and new life. Where even real pressing bad life can not move my eyes from Jesus any more. For that is how we learn to do right, keeping our eyes peeled on Jesus 24/7.

Peace.

Raptured

I thought I been no good all my life
I was stuck with cold loveless strife
much in me had little faith in God's grace
as my loveless ways had kept me from His Face.

In my bad life I was untrue and insincere
weak and hopelessly overcome by my fear
I didn't believe God would love me as well
always believing what the inner liars tell.

Oh these massive hailstones pounding me
considering how bad I had turned out to be
fire and brimstone following my inner despair
for of loving truth I hadn't taken any care.

Where is your God my tormentors jeered
the bottomless pit opening as they sneered
my good life stolen from me as I fell down
my godlessness now with misery me to drown!

Unbearable was the agony as I met sinners fate
flames of torment untrue and loveless sin berate
self hate upping the temperature so very high
gnashing of teeth and wailing my constant cry

And so I languish in torment pondering my fate
still wondering how come I had been to late
doubting unbelief and unforgiven sin my misery
As I watched myself turn completely ungodly.

My Hell was an Endless Torturous Night.
that comes to all with bad life inside
where one's untrue and loveless deeds
now constant fire and brimstone reaps.

After many years The Truth came fiannly down to me
for only God's Grace could reach into my misery
and so my bad life the goats in charge could keep
As Jesus came and collected me in all my sheep.

Awakened to the truth I arose from the dead
God's breath of loving truth entering me instead
a fast army arose as Ezekiel prophesied to my soul
His blinding light directing me to my new goal.

And so I flew up to meet Him in the wink of an eye
Heart piercing wails from the rule of the lie
raging Hell poured down on where I had been
Father' holy wrath burning evil so very mean.

Jesus beaming smile betrayed no harm
will for wrong simply died in His loving charm
and so He also baptised me with holy fire
His loving truth tending my every hearts desire.

144,000 holy ones Jesus brought from above
rebuilding my heart in His Kingdom of love
teaching me The Way to do things right
forever denying evil wrong ruling me inside.

Wow, what a beautiful, touching, profound testimony. With your permission I would like to use a few quotes from this piece for an essay. Would that be OK. Also, if I do use them, would you want me to identify you by name? No pressure, and again, thank you.

In love and peace of Jesus Christ

Mark

 

[Jeshu]

Wow, what a beautiful, touching, profound testimony. With your permission I would like to use a few quotes from this piece for an essay. Would that be OK. Also, if I do use them, would you want me to identify you by name? No pressure, and again, thank you.

In love and peace of Jesus Christ

Mark

Hi Mark. Glad you got inspiration from my testimony. God's love is fabulous, i wish everyone with a low self esteem find Jesus to help them overcome it.

i'll send you pm with my name. You only need to use it if you use my poem, it is copyrighted in my name.

That our Lord Jesus fill you with love for God, self and neighbour.

Peace.