Thanks for the responses -
I am mindful that at one point in my journey I saw the great chasm between my righteousness and His, basically the depth of darkness in my heart was enormous. Covered by His blood - yes - but still depthless.
So it was clear that there was lightyears of difference between what holiness to which I might attain and the purity of Jesus.
Yet we want to be like Him and this desire is given and motivated by His love.
So He puts His finger on some issues and has a plan for us to be adequately prepared to honour Him in what we face in His purpose in His name.
Pauls words come to mind... "I dont even judge myself but wait till the Lord comes who will both reveal the motives of hearts - then each mans praise will come from God" (my paraphrase)
So I am caught between my own lack of righteousness and His overarching grace - open to conviction but not fishing within myself for matters that to me seem pressing (like Pauls messenger from Satan) that are not yet on His redemptive agenda.
In all this I have His peace - knowing I am accepted through His work on the Cross and offering my open heart for His examination.
So I am confident that He has matters in hand and will reveal what I need to know either directly or via the Body of which you are a part.
Beloved one,
I believe you misperceived your journey where you said to us,”I am mindful that at one point in my journey I saw the great chasm between my righteousness and His, basically the depth of darkness in my heart was enormous. Covered by His blood - yes - but still depthless.”
I perceived you are tact and humble when you have said above. But I considered you misperceive your condition. If you were under your own righteousness, you were under the law. For we heard:
and be found in him,
not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith' -Philippians 3:9
Beloved one, if you were already covered by the blood of Christ, you were already under grace. You were made right not because of your own works. For we heard:
who saved us and called us to a holy calling,
not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, -2 Timothy 1:9
So the one who made you think in your mind about your own righteousness is not the wisdom of God. Just bear with me, brethen.
For this is the counsel that we heard :
1 Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. 2 For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. 3 For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.-Romans 10:1-4
Beloved one, consider apostle whose desire and prayer to God that the Jews be saved.
For apostle Paul bore witness that there are those who have zeal for God but not according to the knowledge of truth in Christ Jesus. They were those who were ignorant of God’s righteousness and seek to establish their own righteousness and have not submitted to God’s righteousness.
But you, beloved one, on the other hand, already believe that you were already covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. What you need is just to continuously submit to God’s righteousness that comes through faith in Christ Jesus. For Christ is the end of the law or self righteousness for everyone who believe.
So I perceived beloved one, that your thoughts just drift away.
This is also what we have heard:
“Therefore we
must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.”
Hebrews 2:1 NKJV
But why we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard ? This is what we have heard:
“Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and
the acknowledgment of the truth which accords with godliness,”
Titus 1:1 NKJV
Beloved one, we obtained godliness by acknowledging the truth with more earnest heed that we heard, so that the Holy Spirit empowered us with our godliness with divine power. By acknowledging the truth daily, we held fast to the pattern of sound words that we heard from holy apostles and Christ — we will not drift away from God’s righteousness and Savior Jesus Christ.
For we heard our beloved Heavenly Father said:
My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. -Proverbs 6:20
Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. -Proverbs 6:21
When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. -Proverbs 6:22
Beloved one, who is our father through the gospel ; this is what we have heard:
“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6 NKJV
For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers.
For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. -1 Corinthians 4:15
Then who is our mother ? This is what we have heard:
But
the Jerusalem above is free, and she
is our mother. -Galatians 4:26
How we perceive this ? This is what we have heard:
Now this may be interpreted allegorically: these women are two
covenants. One is from Mount Sinai, bearing children for slavery; she is Hagar. -Galatians 4:24
So beloved one, we keep our father’s commandment, who is Christ. And we don’t forsake our mother’s teaching, that is, we don’t forsake the covenant of Christ’s teachings. So the Christ’s commandment and teachings are what we should bind our hearts always; When we walk, they will lead us; when we lie down, they will watch over us; and when we awake, they will talk with us.
The next verse we heard:
For the commandment is a lamp and
the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life, -Proverbs 6:23
So beloved one, we already received the commandment of Christ, so His word guide our feet. And you, I, and other brethren already have the teachings of Christ, that light guide our paths.
Beloved one, what I am trying to say so that you may perceive. When you said,”basically the depth of darkness in my heart was enormous,” — you have not perceived that you have the teachings of Christ in your heart, which light your heart. For we heard:
For God, who said, "Let
light shine out of darkness,"
has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. -2 Corinthians 4:6
When God said that let light shine out of darkness — that is a commandment, the lamp. Beloved one, where is this darkness that He spoke — is it not in our hearts? It is but how light has shone in our hearts?— that is when we received Christ’s teachings. For Christ’s teachings or gospel is the light of the knowledge of the glory of God.
True, we do heard:
“And the light shines in the darkness, and
the darkness did not comprehend it.”
John 1:5 NKJV
Did that mean that our hearts did not comprehend the light or the teachings of Christ?
What heart did not comprehend the teachings of Christ ? Were they not the hearts of stone? So the hearts of flesh that Holy Spirit gave us, that hearts do comprehend the teachings of Christ. How we can be sure that our hearts have the teachings of Christ? This is what we have heard:
3 And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God,
not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
4 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. 5
Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, 6 who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. -2 Corinthians 3:3-6
So beloved one,
Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency ( of God’s righteousness) is from God.
So beloved one, when you said,”So I am caught between my own lack of righteousness and His overarching grace - open to conviction but not fishing within myself for matters that to me seem pressing (like Pauls messenger from Satan) that are not yet on His redemptive agenda.”
Beloved one, you perceived lack of God’s righteousness because you have not considered your hearts already written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of your heart; you have not built not enough trust you have through Christ toward God; you have not considered yourself that God made you sufficient of His righteousness as minister of the new covenant of the Spirit.
So beloved one, there is no chasm for you to cross ; Christ has done that for us already. Beloved one, don’t be deceived by the adversary. We just need to submit ourselves to God’s righteousness daily. When we acknowledge who Christ said who we are in Him, not our hearts and or minds say who we are— we will not be deceived.
For this is what we have heard:
for whenever our heart condemns us,
God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.
-1 John 3:20 ESV
So whenever our hearts condemn us, beloved one, trust that God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything so just submit ourselves to God who said who we are in Christ, that is written in the gospel, He will lead us aright. Since heart and mind closely knitted, trust God that He is able to guide both our minds and hearts aright.
How we should perceive ourselves then? This is what I paraphrase from Romans 6:16-23:
Romans 6:16
I offer myself to God to obey Him as slaves,
I am slave to God to obedience, which leads to righteousness.
Romans 6:17
But thanks be to God that,
I wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which I am entrusted.
Romans 6:18
I have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:19
so now I offer ( parts of my body) in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.
Romans 6:20
When I am slaves to righteousness ,
I am free from the control of sin.
Romans 6:22
But now that I have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God,
the benefit ( fruit of righteousness ) I reap leads to holiness,
and the result is eternal life.
Romans 6:23
the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Amen
Beloved one, cross check what I paraphrased Romans 6:16-23, whether they match what apostle Paul intended to say to us.
This is what the gospel apostle Paul preached to us that we should hold onto as apostle Paul said to Timothy:
“For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed,
for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.
Hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.
That good thing which was committed to you, keep by the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.”
II Timothy 1:12-14 NKJV
So beloved one, when we keep acknowledging the truth of the gospel, we believed and persuaded
that He is able to keep what we have committed to Him until that Day.
What we have committed to Him are faith and love that we speak and act on that accords with His words. That good things we kept by the Holy Spirit who dwells in us. Thus, we won’t drift away to our own righteousness but we are constantly made sufficient of God’s righteousness that is from God.
May God’s grace and peace be multiplied to you. To God be all glory and thanksgiving. Amen