Seeking a supernatural encounter with God but failing miserably time and time again

[TruthSeek3r]

Some background to my question:

• I'm a truth seeker. I come from a scientific mindset background, but the last couple years I've been intensely researching about the supernatural and the spirit realm. I've watched testimonies from all kinds of religions, including testimonies from people who practiced witchcraft, the occult, Satanism, Hindu mystics, New Agers, Kundalini awakening, Reiki healers, paranormal investigators, people who have used Ouija boards, and of course, testimonies from Christians, baptism in the Holy Spirit, Christophanies, healing miracles, gifts of the spirit, words of knowledge, speaking in tongues (including unknown foreign languages), demonic possessions, exorcisms, etc. All this has led to me conclude that the spirit realm has to exist.
• I believe that supernatural encounters with God are possible. As I just said, I've watched tons of testimonies, including first-hand accounts of powerful encounters with the Creator. To give you an idea, here are some notable examples: example 1, example 2, example 3, example 4, example 5, example 6, example 7, example 8, example 9, example 10, example 11, example 12, example 13, example 14, example 15, example 16, example 17, example 18, example 19, example 20, example 21.

I'm currently at a position in which I'm extremely obsessed with knowing the truth first-hand. As I already said, I've watched tons of testimonies, but after almost two years of doing the same, I'm starting to see no point in storing more and more anecdotal information in my head if I don't live out these things by myself. I know a lot about God (theory), but I don't know God (personal experience/testimony), if that makes sense. So my obvious next step is to seek God, to seek an encounter with Him. Unfortunately, every time I try, I keep failing miserably. I know that the key ingredients to seek God are consistent 1) prayer, 2) fasting, 3) reading the Bible, 4) obedience, 5) a life of holiness, 6) having faith, and of course 7) repentance and having accepted Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior. I know the theory. Intellectually speaking, things are quite clear to me. The problem is that I'm struggling to implement the theory successfully.

There are many distractions, temptations and weaknesses that are making it extremely hard for me to achieve a significant streak in which I successfully implement the 7 points I listed above. I keep messing up all the time and I'm not getting results. God still appears abstract and very distant to me, and when I read the Bible and the stories of the prophets, the apostles, the early Church, or when I remind myself of the testimonies that I've watched (like the ones I listed above), I feel like a total failure, trapped, unable to achieve any kind of spiritual breakthrough.

One thing that I would love to do is to have like a serious period of seeking God with prayer and fasting for, say, 7 days in a row, without any distractions, just full-time seeking God, but the problem is that there are always distractions, responsibilities, things that take away my time, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Then I go back to watching more testimonies to regain motivation, but at the end of day, that's just more intellectual information for my head, but what is the point of wasting my life away with hours and hours of investigation and watching endless testimonies if, at the end of the day, it doesn't translate into an actual, real encounter with God?

I seriously need a spiritual breakthrough and I've got no idea what to do about it.

Note: I'm posting this on the sign gifts subforum because I'm seeking advice from people who believe in the supernatural, and most of the testimonies I've watched involve supernatural experiences.

 

[Lawrence87]

Firstly, whilst your intentions might be pure you need to be very careful in this endeavour. Desiring God is a good thing and you should never let go of this, but you need to be aware that Satan can appear as an angel of light, and he will take advantage of an unsuspecting person who is seeking an experience. Satan has plenty of experiences to offer in order to decieve us, so you should always tread extremely carefully and seek guidance.

Secondly God is always right here. There is nowhere in the entire cosmos that is not in the presence of God, you are surrounded by Him constantly. A lot of spiritual life is developing a continual memory of this despite us not really feeling it. We might want the clouds to part and to see the Almighty sitting upon His throne, but how can we expect that if we fail to see Him in the small things?

In my biased opinion I would recommend looking into the mystical traditions of the Eastern Orthodox church. There is a whole tradition based upon the endeavour to 'pray without ceasing'. You will find plenty of material there to guide you. You will also find plenty of cautionary tales about the kinds of deception you can fall into when you aren't careful in this pursuit.

If you are serious about this, go and visit a monastery and try to discern whether that life is for you. There you will find a supportive environment and people with the experience to guide you.

Above all else, avoid thinking yourself beyond deception. As I mentioned the evil one is ready with a whole box of tricks for people who are seeking experiences, tread with extreme caution and care.

 

[TruthSeek3r]

Firstly, whilst your intentions might be pure you need to be very careful in this endeavour. Desiring God is a good thing and you should never let go of this, but you need to be aware that Satan can appear as an angel of light, and he will take advantage of an unsuspecting person who is seeking an experience. Satan has plenty of experiences to offer in order to decieve us, so you should always tread extremely carefully and seek guidance.

What factors determine whether I receive a response from Satan or God? If I seek God with prayer and fasting for 7 days, for example, would I receive a response from Satan or God? What about testing the spirits?

Secondly God is always right here. There is nowhere in the entire cosmos that is not in the presence of God, you are surrounded by Him constantly. A lot of spiritual life is developing a continual memory of this despite us not really feeling it. We might want the clouds to part and to see the Almighty sitting upon His throne, but how can we expect that if we fail to see Him in the small things?

Sure, but that's more like an "intellectual" awareness rather than an experiential awareness. I don't mean that you should be having Acts 2/4 experiences all the time, but from time to time it's biblical to have those experiences.

In my biased opinion I would recommend looking into the mystical traditions of the Eastern Orthodox church. There is a whole tradition based upon the endeavour to 'pray without ceasing'. You will find plenty of material there to guide you. You will also find plenty of cautionary tales about the kinds of deception you can fall into when you aren't careful in this pursuit.

Would you mind sharing links to material on this?

If you are serious about this, go and visit a monastery and try to discern whether that life is for you. There you will find a supportive environment and people with the experience to guide you.

I would need to drop my PhD and my whole career if I do so. I'm willing, but I would need an explicit call from God to do such an extreme move, and this brings me back to the point that I need an encounter with God first.

Above all else, avoid thinking yourself beyond deception. As I mentioned the evil one is ready with a whole box of tricks for people who are seeking experiences, tread with extreme caution and care.

Point taken. But again, how can I discern between an experience from God and an experience from Satan? (I haven't had neither, btw.)

 

[ARBITER01]

Have you ever asked anyone to pray for you during this?

 

[Lawrence87]

What factors determine whether I receive a response from Satan or God? If I seek God with prayer and fasting for 7 days, for example, would I receive a response from Satan or God? What about testing the spirits?

I've heard it said that you would do well to doubt any extraordinary experiences, as God will never condemn someone for wishing to avoid deception, and if He wishes to make something known to you He will do so by another means. I am by no means an expert in these matters, and I am wary of misleading you. I would say caution and guidance are definitely necessary.

Would you mind sharing links to material on this?

There is a book called 'The Way of a Pilgrim' by an anonymous Russian mystic who tried to attain ceaseless prayer. This is a good starting point.

Again, speaking from my position as an Orthodox Christian, I would say it's probably best to be a part of the Orthodox Church and partake in it's sacraments before embarking on this endeavour. I realise this might not be your thing and there are plenty who would disagree with me, but it would be remiss of me not to say this, coming from my position. In any case the Orthodox Church is steeped in this mysticism, and there is a wealth of information out there, but I would argue that you have to be Orthodox to partake in any meaningful way. Forgive my unashamed bias there, but I feel like in giving my opinion on the matter, I need to state that, for I would not wish to mislead anyone.

I would need to drop my PhD and my whole career if I do so. I'm willing, but I would need an explicit call from God to do such an extreme move, and this brings me back to the point that I need an encounter with God first.

This would of course be a matter to discern over a great deal of time ideally with the aid of a spiritual guide. I mean an irresistable desire to come close to God that does not go away over time is probably a sign that you are being called. In any case visiting a monastery for a while to figure out if it is for you probably won't do you any harm, even if you realise you never want to go back...

Point taken. But again, how can I discern between an experience from God and an experience from Satan? (I haven't had neither, btw.)

Again, coming from my position, this would be discerned with the aid of someone who has walked that path and is aware of the pitfalls, and can discern with you whether or not your experience is genuine. I can't speak for any other traditions but there are Orthodox monks who devote themselves to unceasing prayer who may be able to guide you.

I am not experienced enough, by any stretch of the imagination, to even begin to tell you how to discern these things. But so long as you proceed with caution and understand that you need to be extremely discerning, this will at least arm you with an appropriate attitude. Generally Satan will want you to be led away from God, for instance, in Orthodox literature there are examples of monastics who have "angels" appear to them who dissuade them from reading the scriptures in favour of direct revelation from these entities and such. I cannot really offer you any precise guidance beyond 'be very careful'.

 

[Norbert L]

I'm currently at a position in which I'm extremely obsessed with knowing the truth first-hand.

What happens if He thinks you're too demanding and decides "no"? Sometimes a deep desire to have something is no more than taking your child through the no-candy line check-out at the grocery store.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm starting to see no point in storing more and more anecdotal information in my head if I don't live out these things by myself.

We do not do it by ourselves, but with God > and Jesus is our way to God >

and of course 7) repentance and having accepted Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior.

And in the Bible we have > "we who first trusted in Christ" (in Ephesians 1:12)

So, Biblical accepting means to trust in Jesus. We have trusted Christ on Calvary for forgiveness and reconciliation with God; and He has gotten us adopted to become God's children. And ones say that if we have joined with Jesus, God has imputed His own righteousness to us. But this does not mean my character is already perfectly righteous like Jesus.

I need how God changes me and corrects me to become like His own Son Jesus. This correction, by the way, is supernatural, done in us by God's own almighty power!

So, I do well to keep seeking our Father to correct me to be the way He desires, so we can be enjoyable and pleasing to our Father the way His own Son Jesus is. This is included in loving God.

And trust Jesus to do whatsoever He desires with you.

3) reading the Bible,

And trust God to do what He means by His word. Every command of the New Covenant is meant to be done with God having us succeed in doing what He means. It is impossible for any of us to do His word on our own.

4) obedience,

As I say, this does not mean self-produced obedience, with us theoretically figuring out what God means, then getting our own selves to do it. But we trust God to do His word with us submitting to how He has us doing His word.

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:29-30)

Jesus is gentle and humble, kind and caring; He has us doing things in His love which is gentle and quiet and humble in emotions and feelings and how He has us relating with people. And His peace is almighty to guard us from nasty and negative things of anger and unforgiveness and staying hurt and giving in to dominating drives for pleasure and excitement; and He satisfies us better than this life's things and people can.

when I read the Bible and the stories of the prophets, the apostles, the early Church, or when I remind myself of the testimonies that I've watched (like the ones I listed above), I feel like a total failure, trapped, unable to achieve any kind of spiritual breakthrough.

If you want to talk about supernatural . . .

"the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (in Philippians 4:6-7)

If you want to talk about theo-logic > it is logical that if God is almighty and supernatural, so is this peace. So, this peace is easily able to guard our hearts and our minds from any anti-love, unkind, chaotic stuff. And this is basic, in trusting Jesus while we live on this earth, in this evil world.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;" (in Psalm 23:5)

So, right in the presence of any enemies, at all, our Father is able to share all He has for us, of His own table prepared before us. This is supernatural, and personal with God. We do not have only a few physical miracles to go by, at times, but God is our Father . . . personal, about family . . . all the time.

But He has us sharing with one another. And how we become able to love with each other is supernatural >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

"without complaining and disputing" (in Philippians 2:13-16)

In order to relate like this, we need to live in our Father's supernatural love. And God does not have people doing well, all by themselves, but in Jesus we are family. God has people to help you.

Independence can be an idol very isolating. Free will, too, can be an idol. God has us needing each other, but how He has this working; so we do need to pray and test if and how to trust each person.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

God is always present through his Spirit, words, and laws. If you are in harmony with these you are 'encountering' God.

 

[Lawrence87]

Too add to the above, I think patience is also extremely key. The Western mindset is very keen to have experiences, in my view this is why so many turn to Eastern religions like Buddhism, or Hinduism, or even to psychedelic drugs etc. Because they feel some entitlement to experience something to justify their beliefs without doing any groundwork or anything like that. Our culture has made us impatient and we want a spiritual get-rich-quick scheme...

In my view its appropriate for a Christian to consider oneself completely unworthy of having any kind of grace or enounter with the divine. Only with such humilty can we begin to develop a truly spiritual life. We often feel the impulse to want to skip to the end, without enduring any struggle or hardship. However I would say that the first step towards God is the deep understanding of how wretched and unworthy we are to come before Him.

Rather than asking for an audience with the Creator of all things, we should instead begin by glorifying Him with every breath simply for releaving Himself to us, unworthy as we are.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Rather than asking for an audience with the Creator of all things, we should instead begin by glorifying Him with every breath simply for releaving Himself to us, unworthy as we are.

I hope God hasn't releaved himself of us.

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

 

[TruthSeek3r]

Have you ever asked anyone to pray for you during this?

Unfortunately, no. I've been doing this search completely on my own, and I haven't told anybody about this. It's like I have a double identity. On the outside, I'm supposedly an academic guy who is doing a PhD and is more or less doing fine on that path. But in private, I'm extremely obsessed with seeking the truth and the true meaning of life. Nobody knows about this private endeavor.

That said, many years ago I had a couple of experiences attending churches for a while, and in one of those churches the pastor called me to the altar, put his hands on me, prayed and babbled some random sounds that I took as his way of "speaking in tongues", but nothing happened, and there was no follow-up. I even remember talking to some of the members of that church about supernatural experiences but it looked like most of them were kind of cessationists, or had no real interest in the supernatural or expectations in that regard. Most simply believed by faith because they were raised that way, and others attended the church because they found emotional support. But, besides the short 'tongue speaking' that the pastor did when I visited that church for the first time, I can't recall a single time when the Holy Spirit manifested. It was basically a social meeting where the pastor preached motivational sermons, and that was it. I didn't get much out of that phase of my life to be honest, other than the insight that churches with power are rather rare.

 

[TruthSeek3r]

What happens if He thinks you're too demanding and decides "no"? Sometimes a deep desire to have something is no more than taking your child through the no-candy line check-out at the grocery store.

There are certain experiences that are definitely promised in scripture, such as the baptism in the Holy Spirit. What are your thoughts on seeking the baptism in the Holy Spirit?

 

[TruthSeek3r]

Too add to the above, I think patience is also extremely key. The Western mindset is very keen to have experiences, in my view this is why so many turn to Eastern religions like Buddhism, or Hinduism, or even to psychedelic drugs etc. Because they feel some entitlement to experience something to justify their beliefs without doing any groundwork or anything like that. Our culture has made us impatient and we want a spiritual get-rich-quick scheme...

I can second this. There are tons of testimonies out there of people who sought the supernatural in 'New Age' practices, and eventually realized that they were treading upon demonic territory, experienced demonic oppression and spiritual warfare, and finally ended up encountering Jesus. There are many powerful testimonies that fall into this category. I can share links to examples if you want.

 

[Lawrence87]

I can second this. There are tons of testimonies out there of people who sought the supernatural in 'New Age' practices, and eventually realized that they were treading upon demonic territory, experienced demonic oppression and spiritual warfare, and finally ended up encountering Jesus. There are many powerful testimonies that fall into this category. I can share links to examples if you want.

My own testimony very much follows that template. I was extremely lost in all that stuff before my conversion

 

[TruthSeek3r]

My own testimony very much follows that template. I was extremely lost in all that stuff before my conversion

Have you published your testimony somewhere by any chance? I would love to read it.

 

[Toynbee]

Ps 46:10a "Stop striving and know that I am God"

 

[Lawrence87]

Have you published your testimony somewhere by any chance? I would love to read it.

Not fully. I started to write it but it was hard to piece together as it basically entails me entire life story.

For a brief summary you can check out my post here

 

[ARBITER01]

Unfortunately, no. I've been doing this search completely on my own, and I haven't told anybody about this. It's like I have a double identity. On the outside, I'm supposedly an academic guy who is doing a PhD and is more or less doing fine on that path. But in private, I'm extremely obsessed with seeking the truth and the true meaning of life. Nobody knows about this private endeavor.

That's good actually!
It's better that they stay in the dark about this portion of your personal life. Even if GOD comes into your life in a mighty way, don't relate your experiences to them, they are academics, they can't wrap their mind around it.

That said, many years ago I had a couple of experiences attending churches for a while, and in one of those churches the pastor called me to the altar, put his hands on me, prayed and babbled some random sounds that I took as his way of "speaking in tongues", but nothing happened, and there was no follow-up. I even remember talking to some of the members of that church about supernatural experiences but it looked like most of them were kind of cessationists, or had no real interest in the supernatural or expectations in that regard. Most simply believed by faith because they were raised that way, and others attended the church because they found emotional support. But, besides the short 'tongue speaking' that the pastor did when I visited that church for the first time, I can't recall a single time when the Holy Spirit manifested. It was basically a social meeting where the pastor preached motivational sermons, and that was it. I didn't get much out of that phase of my life to be honest, other than the insight that churches with power are rather rare.

Why not give us your first name only, and we can pray for a week or so that GOD comes into your life in a mighty way?

 

[NBB]

There are many distractions, temptations and weaknesses that are making it extremely hard for me to achieve a significant streak in which I successfully implement the 7 points I listed above. I keep messing up all the time and I'm not getting results. God still appears abstract and very distant to me, and when I read the Bible and the stories of the prophets, the apostles, the early Church, or when I remind myself of the testimonies that I've watched (like the ones I listed above), I feel like a total failure, trapped, unable to achieve any kind of spiritual breakthrough.

Of course you are going to fail miserably, even seasoned christians filled with the spirit fail at doing all that, all you need is go to the feet of christ and tell him you want him sincerely and believing he will save you, make a desicion for christ, believe that he resurrected and say with your mouth that Jesus i want you to be my lord.
Then you will have the spirit of God inside you and then you could see spiritual things better, or start seeing them...

Don't worry about anything you need to do, you are going to be a baby in christ and you need attention and love first, maybe go to some pentecostal church, assembly of God or something where they believe in the Holy spirit doing things.

 

[TruthSeek3r]

Why not give us your first name only, and we can pray for a week or so that GOD comes into your life in a mighty way?

Wow. No one had ever made me that offer before. I feel a bit reluctant about disclosing (part of) my identity here. Would it be fine if I send you a private message?