Feeling Lost

[Feeling Lost]

First I want to say that God truly blessed me with a great husband of 6 years!! However, before we got married he was divorced and set in his ways. What do I mean by this... some examples would be he washes our dark laundry on Wednesday and lights on Sunday. After dinner no matter, what he stops and cleans the dishes. Every morning he fixes our coffee and we watch the news while we drink it. We give each other a kiss every time we come in from outside and before we walk out the door. We are very much creatures of habit. I've tried to break us out of the habits but we eventually fall back in line. All that said none of that is the problem.

Both of our love languages are physical touch. We both know what to do to speak the love language since we've discussed it. I have a low sex drive and crave random kisses and hugs to feel loved. His is intimacy. We've done a really good job at pushing each other away over the last few years. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get us back on track but I'm finding it hard to continuously disregard my needs and fall back to not giving him what he needs. I hope this is making sense. Which in turns pushes him away again. I've even started working out so I can be my best self for him and myself. He made a comment and said "He'd never be able to keep his hands off me." I said "That was the point." He then said "But what if it doesn't fix our problem." I had nothing to say.
I'm lost and don't wont to lose my amazing husband that I love so much!!! I don't know how to fix it.

 

[Dave G.]

You're coming to your 7th year, a year of test and trial.

 

[snoochface]

I'm not sure what you're saying. Do you mean that he's not giving you enough affection, hugs, and kisses, and in turn you're not giving him enough sexual intimacy? Have you talked to him about your needs?

 

[Feeling Lost]

You're coming to your 7th year, a year of test and trial.

The last 3 years have seemed like a trail!!! My sister was a serious drug addict in and out of jail in 2018. Thankfully is now 2 years sober. 2019 his best friend died in a motorcycle wreck and he became the executor of his estate and trust for his best friends 5 kids. Then 2020 hit and we were blessed that we never had our jobs shut done. However, helping my mother raise my sister's son and doing home school while being high risk came with a lot of anxiety. It's just been one thing after another and our situation should be helping us be together instead it's a hurdle.

 

[Feeling Lost]

I'm not sure what you're saying. Do you mean that he's not giving you enough affection, hugs, and kisses, and in turn you're not giving him enough sexual intimacy? Have you talked to him about your needs?

That is what I'm saying. It's not like I hold out on being intimate with him but after awhile I feel defeated like I'm doing all the comprising. We have talked and all he says is he can't be affectionate the way I need him to be because he feels rejected even though we both feel that way.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

Dear feelinglost,

What a beautiful love story-each of you working to find what makes the other happy is exactly what the beauty of the marriage relationship is all about. You are both so precious.

But it seems that your question is, “What if this doesn’t work?” Then you can go back to the issue and readdress it. I believe that you will find the answers. You sound like a wonderful couple, who truly care for one another and are seeking God for your answers. This is really as good as it gets. Continue to talk, share and love one another and great things are ahead. When we focus on the needs of the other person and ask God to help us to fulfil those needs, God honors that, I believe. It sounds like you have weathered some tough times together and supported each other beautifully.

I really like the book, “Ready to Wed.” That is exactly what it talks about. Marriage retreats are great to build up and strengthen your marriage but you have found the heart of a good relationship. Just hang in there and grow together. God bless you.