Why should I be anything? And why Orthodox?

SeraphimSarov

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it's a false dilemma. we damn ourselves and God let's us if that's what we want.
Feels more I'm getting a foretaste of the coming life regardless of what I do.

but if you believe Christ is Who He says He is with all your heart, why dare Him to damn you?
I never said I did. I said I want to. What is closer to what I believe is that He keeps taking everything that matters from me away and I'm beyond [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed.
 
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Lukaris

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I can't do this anymore. I want to scream every possible obscenity at God and dare Him to damn me, while at the same time I want with all my heart to believe that Jesus is Who He says He is. Is that enough?

37 years ago when I was 20 I asked God to basically dissolve & annihilate me. Over the years I have grown to understand life is more often tragic yet God has let me live. I feel I should give thanks to God, remember the commandments, give alms to charity, & pray for the salvation & daily well being of my neighbor.

I did not see the anguish you just mentioned when I originally posted before adding this.

While I have lost family & friends of course I have not been hit at the level of spouse (always single) or sibling. Still, I have seen parents in our parish who have lost their children (some in their 20s) from cancer to suicide. These people have remained strong & faithful and yes, they still grieve.
 
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Petros2015

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Ah, didn't know you had experienced such loss :(
I have yet to experience much that wasn't by my own hand, a friend and my mother to cancer, father to plane crash. But these things were spread over time, and more will inevitably come.

I could offer some different perspectives, but I think I'll just mostly sit quietly with you.

I would say this though -

God is what gave them to you
Death is what takes things
Christ is who died to return them (and you) to God again


My condolences for your losses
 
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ArmyMatt

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Feels more I'm getting a foretaste of the coming life regardless of what I do.


I never said I did. I said I want to. What is closer to what I believe is that He keeps taking everything that matters from me away and I'm beyond [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed.

you're not getting a foretaste unless you want it according to our understanding.

and why would you want to, if you believe Christ is Who He says He is?
 
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SeraphimSarov

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you're not getting a foretaste unless you want it according to our understanding.
At this point it's hard to believe anything else exists.

and why would you want to, if you believe Christ is Who He says He is?
Everyone I care about is gone. I don't know if I believe He is Who He says He is because frankly I don't know how a loving God is capable of this [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].
 
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ArmyMatt

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At this point it's hard to believe anything else exists.


Everyone I care about is gone. I don't know if I believe He is Who He says He is because frankly I don't know how a loving God is capable of this [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

what makes God loving?
 
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Petros2015

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I don't even know what love is anymore. Apparently I'm "doing it wrong" if I'm this miserable.

Stop asking us and ask Him.
"I don't even know what love is anymore."
That's the question He's been waiting for you to ask Him.
I feel like you are ready to get the answer you've been waiting for.
And the answer He's been waiting to give.
That is the Most Important Question
Any human will ever ask God
And not many do it
And He's the only one who is qualified to answer
 
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Light of the East

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Why should I keep doing that when I keep asking and nothing ever happens?

You have the same problem I have. You want what the fathers and saints of Mt. Athos have warned us against - seeking signs, wonders, and miracles. I have had a long fight with this since from when. Yet you and I tend to miss the little ways in which Christ manifests Himself to us. I wrote this piece a while ago when I had a small experience of our Lord coming to me in love. It was not what I desired, but if you read the piece, you will see that it was a learning experience for me:

2nd Week Of Lent – Jesus Buys Me A Coffee
 
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ArmyMatt

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Hell if I know. I don't even know what love is anymore. Apparently I'm "doing it wrong" if I'm this miserable.

what makes you think you're doing wrong? you should check out St Tikhon of Zadonsk, he is the closest we have to a saint who wrote of a dark night of the soul.
 
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SeraphimSarov

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I'm going to attempt to answer my own questions one by one, in case anyone is reading this.

Why should I bother believing anything at all?

Because if you don't, you only arrive at nihilism and absurdism, which ultimately leads to insanity.

Why shouldn't I just do whatever seems right at any given time and deal with the consequences later and learn what I can as I go?

Why learn as you go when you have two millenia's worth of wisdom found in the Church?

What makes you think there is a God?

It's something I don't know with my brain but with my heart.

What makes you think Jesus is God?

It's something I don't know with my brain but with my heart.

Why is it not completely obvious that everything Orthodoxy preaches is true?

It is once you start practicing it. Quite the paradox.

Why are Orthodox so divided among themselves when they claim to have the "ONE true faith?"

We're not divided among ourselves about the things that matter. Which side you take in a church schism won't determine whether you get into heaven, though it certainly will lead to hell, maybe even right here on earth!

Why do you make the claim that you're right about everything to the exclusion of anyone who believes anything different?

That's impossible to answer because the question presupposes false things. Over in TAW is a thread about the book Christ the Eternal Tao, which I believe talks about Taoism finding its fulfillment in Christ, and I'm pretty sure Bl. Seraphim of Platina also talked about Buddhism finding its fulfillment in Christ. Of course ancient Hebrew religion found its fulfillment in Christ, and I think I've heard it said that every religion contains nuggets of truth (some closer to the Truth than others), so it's not like we're saying other religions are wrong about everything. We have the exclusive ability to call ourselves the Church that Christ founded, though, so we do have a claim on the Truth, since Christ is the Truth.
 
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