You say that as if you've only experienced black people behaving badly (in this context, using demeaning language).
You say this as if you've never experienced any other people behaving similarly.
As I said, as Summer Madness said, our life experience as African Americans in African American communities has been quite positive. I went to an all black grade school, and to a majority black high school, square in the heart of the city, where the graduating class numbered about 1,000. And the only times I ever heard the N-word directed toward me in a demeaning way ... was in an incident where a car of whites sped by myself and my brothers as we out one day and someone shouted the word out of the window as the car sped by.
I got called plenty of other things, ... "square", "stupid", "ugly", "weak", etc. by some in my school community, but never the N-word. And that is exactly because we had been taught about the power of the word to hurt others, and had been parented to never utter such an epitaph.
My environs, growing up, was not particularly prosperous, pretty much middle-of-the-road like what we saw on TV on shows like "Leave it to Beaver". My dad worked for forty years to provide for his family, while, for the most part, my mom stayed home to keep house and to care for myself and my 5 siblings. We had good family times, with trips to A&W and Dairy Queen, and had good relations with grand-parents, aunts and uncles, and our cousins.
We weren't part of the particularly privileged set of blacks in the community, so we didn't go on vacation much ... though we did a couple memorable times, and we enjoyed plenty of trips to the local city and state parks, to softball games, to movies, the library, etc. We knew nothing of cotillions, and featured no debutantes, though association with who did came later in life.
As I became an adult, my life in our black community (perhaps some 500,000 individuals) continued. As I said previously, my parents ... and the parents of my fiends and co-horts, wanted to give their kids the tools with which we might be able to make a viable life in this society. And I continued in line with my upbringing to live my life among those whose values were more closely aligned with mine.
I could have sought out company whose behavior was more racous than the way I had been brought up, ... but there was no point to that. I was raised by my parents, and motivated by the community around me, to live my best life, ... and I couldn't have done that, ... if I had spent significant time in negative and unfruitful pursuits, ... or around people whose example was more negative. I came to easily know what areas of the city and its surroundings I might want to avoid, if I wanted to fulfill a goal of making a positive life for myself and any potential family of my own (which I did do).
In my experience, African Americans are just like all other Americans. We inhabit the full range of possibilities here in America. All of us don't live sterling A+ lives, ... but some of us do, ... and we're spread all along a continuum between. All African Americans don't live in the hood, just like all whites don't live in trailer parks. Most of us live perfectly American lives in perfectly American neighborhoods.