I admit I tend to have a huge laziness, work-shirking problem. In times when I think I've just become a Christian, I tell myself that those days are over and I'm going to be a good worker, now.
In recent times, I have established three major projects to work on, which are intended to not only make money, but two of them are intended specifically to glorify God. When I think I am a Christian, I set out to work on these projects. I once read that Trump only sleeps four hours per night. I also read that Thomas Edison only slept three hours per night. I've started, a short while back, going to bed at sunset and getting back out of bed about four or five hours later. Interest in doing my projects motivates this.
When I think I'm a Christian, I am working on my projects. But when doubt about my salvation reverberates strongly enough, I drop all work on all my projects and return to seeking salvation, full time. I tell God, I'm going to keep these hours either to work on my projects, or to work on whatever He wants me to think about, instead. When I doubt my salvation, I am full time dedicated to seeking salvation. An OCD person's brain is miswired such that doubt and anxiety and panic overwhelm them repeatedly. When that happens, they become dysfunctional. For a Christian with OCD, the panic gets linked, in their thoughts, to the validity/reality of their relationship with Christ. They fear losing their salvation or that they never had it to begin with. The problems are especially intense for an OCD person, because not only does an OCD sufferer have OCD which makes them doubt their salvation, but they also have the same, sinful nature, inherited from Adam and Eve, that everyone else has. This sin nature drives them to attitudes and maybe even actions that they know are wrong, and this further adds to the doubt about their salvation.
I keep thinking that if I take enough time to deal with the problem of "What is my relationship with God?", that if I deal with it head on for long enough, my problem will be permanently solved and then I can move on with my life. This is the OCD person's perpetual delusion. They think that something must be able to happen to permanently give them peace. But they are wrong: no seemingly appropriate, best-intents approach will ever permanently work, because the OCD brain is wired to be anxious, to panic, to doubt. No Bible reading, sermon-listening, calling on the Lord, etc., will fix the problem because it is neurological. Maybe someday they will come up with neurosurgery which can permanently fix on OCD person's problem.
