(HELP) I can't stop thinking about this girl

[Zangoose]

So I've been going to church ever since I moved down to south Florida all the way back in 2018. I met a girl (I'll call her "Kaitlyn" but it's not her real name) at this small church who I always thought was somewhat pretty. Although I don't think I was ever attracted to her at any point. She was also the only girl in the church who is around my age (I think she's the same age as I am but I'm just not 100% sure). Now because of the pandemic, the church I've been going to for the past few years has been closed for several months. So it's been a long while since I've seen her and spoken to her in person. It wasn't until a little over a month ago that I decided to join my church's AY (Adventist Youth) meeting on Zoom. During AY, our instructor told us to guess a number between 1 and 6. I guessed 3 and as it turned out, so did she. So our instructor told us all who attended to get the numbers of those who guessed the same number as us and call or text them during the week to see how they are doing. So I texted her during the week and we surprisingly had a great conversation. This is when I began to develop feelings for her. So for almost a month now we have been texting each other and I would always get excited when she would respond to my texts.

But the thing is, there was this other girl who I had a crush on back in middle school before I met Kaitlyn. Her name was Brooklyn and even after all these years I have not been able to get over her. I never really knew why. I would also think about her almost every single day. So I have been praying to God to help me to move on from her completely but I would still not be able to for some reason. It wasn't until a few nights ago that I prayed to God again to help me to get over Brooklyn. So when I went to bed that night I had a dream about Kaitlyn and me spending time together (I think were we just good friends in the dream and not relationship partners). And ever since I had this dream it has been hard for me to not think about Kaitlyn during the day to the point where I think I may have actually gotten over Brooklyn.

I've been thinking about Kaitlyn a lot lately. Probably more than I should. Like excessively! And if I ever get the chance to date her I certainly would but I don't want her to be an idol in my life. I'd also like to mention that I've never been in a relationship before and I don't think I'm ready to be in one right now. I believe God thinks the same. So I want to take things slow when it comes to this growing friendship that I have with Kaitlyn and maybe someday we'll become something more, God's will. What do you guys think of this?

 

[Sketcher]

Thoughts like that shouldn't always be taken as direction. Case in point: I still think of women who rejected me and got married later on sometimes. Sometimes you just need to move to the next thought. Therefore, focus on the girl you're seeing now.

 

[com7fy8]

I don't want her to be an idol in my life.

So, you understand a person can be an idol. This includes children can be idols.

Jesus says,

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

So, yes people can be what I call "love idols" . . . not that we should not have special people, but I understand Jesus wants us to love and care about any and all people. But yes there are ones who have special relationships with us, because of God blessing us to be good for one another. But in our Jesus family we have various love special people . . . family!

And, by the way, I have found how mature seniors in Christ can be the most beautiful and kind and sweet people, since they have matured for decades in how to relate in love. They have become more like Jesus, then; so I would think we would enjoy these seniors in the faith the most, since we love Jesus most of all.

So, while you may discover special people more your age, feed on the mature example of senior couples and singles who feed you how to become and how to relate in love . . . while indeed you enjoy discovering each other, if God pleases.

If you share, encourage and honor her to love other people the way Jesus wants. And I personally now believe it is wise to do things in sharing with other Christian people, so you grow in our Father's way of family sharing. So, I would not hurry to isolate on a date >

And if I ever get the chance to date her I certainly would but I don't want her to be an idol in my life.

Enjoy and appreciate any moment with her, but also be blessed in any sharing with any other child of God. My opinion is if you are growing with her, your relating will bring you into more and better family sharing with our various brothers and sisters.

And, of course, feed on God's word; any scripture can be used by God to help us find out how to live in His love as family.

 

[Petros2015]

Very happy for you - I hope your friendship and relationship continues and grows. I've also had problems idolizing and getting over various females/girls/women throughout my life. The thing that I've learned most is that they are real people with real flaws and dreams and talents - get to know them. The idols I kept of them in my mind were never like the real thing; they were beautiful in their own way, but not the real person they were an image or imagination of. The real person, the real woman is a child and daughter of God, just like you are a Son. May you each be a blessing to one another.

I learned this the hard way -

If you think you can't live without someone
You can't live with them either
Because the person you think you can't live without
Doesn't exist
That's your image or imagination of the person
And you'll never see or appreciate or be able to experience the real person
As a real person
Until you let go of the image
Which is in the way of or in front of
God's reality
What we can't live without
Is Christ
What we actually truly love in others
Is Christ
The best thing that love brings out between two people
Is Christ

So God Bless you in your journey, please take it to heart, and I will see you
In Christ

Peter

 

[bèlla]

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[ReesePiece23]

It's HARD to know what to suggest, because falling into emotional quicksand with women at your age is almost a birthright - all of us have done it.

What I will say is this: know your worth and NEVER consider yourself a resident of scarcity city. You are NOT limited to one or two girls - there's multiple options for you out there, so you don't need to cling ON stubbornly to hope and/or starve yourself in the process. Because you could literally meet a girl on the bus tomorrow who changes your entire outlook on EVERYTHING.

And MOST importantly, have your hobbies, interests and DREAMS in the immediate foreground at all times. Women can hang out in the hills or live in the trees - that's fine, just don't let them cross the stream and chill in the meadow with YOU unless you invite them. (I know how intrusive these thoughts can be, which is why I've worded it like this. So make sure your focus is calibrated.)

Above all, God is your right hand man. Where you go, He goes.