Love like Jesus - Responding to Hurtful Words

Debbie Draft

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My husband & I have been together since 2015; a quick relationship right after his former one & I was pregnant immediately. His father died the same year. We’ve progressed to this state of life where he’s so hateful. In one night he’s said these things:


Lmao you're an idiot

I honestly can say I hate you more than I ever hated **ex-wife**

You're pathetic

People genuinely don't [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ing like you and you don't see it

Your dad doesn't like you
Your mom hates you

You are my absolute worst enemy I've ever had and that's saying something

I pretend to get along with you but deep down I'm miserable every second I have to spend with you

No. I really do hate you
You're an awful wife

I never wanted to be with you. You were just a means to an end.

Why did I never propose? Because I never wanted to marry you

I can honestly say you are my worst enemy.

Are the signs not there? I don't like talking to you, I don't care about going on date nights with you, I don't like being near you.

I literally HATE you


I am trying so so so hard to love like Jesus & not reciprocate. How do I react when it’s a persistent stab in the gut? I say I hear you, I forgive you, you’re obviously angry right now so let’s talk later but it keeps going. I desperately want to fight for my husband and marriage but I need support.
 

Jeshu

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i think that you need to fight for your marriage. First of all your husband needs to take responsibility for his words and actions. In other words he needs to grow up. He is acting like an immature spoiled child rather than a devoted husband.

In second place, and not less important than the first point, is you need a place of healing from the abuse. You and your husband who constantly gas lights you needs help just as much as you do.

So seek out a good Christian counsellor and see if he or she can help heal your marriage. Just make sure you read some reviews, or talk to people, who have been counselled successfully, before you decide on who to employ to help you. A good counsellor is essential.
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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My husband & I have been together since 2015; a quick relationship right after his former one & I was pregnant immediately. His father died the same year. We’ve progressed to this state of life where he’s so hateful. In one night he’s said these things:


Lmao you're an idiot

I honestly can say I hate you more than I ever hated **ex-wife**

You're pathetic

People genuinely don't [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ing like you and you don't see it

Your dad doesn't like you
Your mom hates you

You are my absolute worst enemy I've ever had and that's saying something

I pretend to get along with you but deep down I'm miserable every second I have to spend with you

No. I really do hate you
You're an awful wife

I never wanted to be with you. You were just a means to an end.

Why did I never propose? Because I never wanted to marry you

I can honestly say you are my worst enemy.

Are the signs not there? I don't like talking to you, I don't care about going on date nights with you, I don't like being near you.

I literally HATE you


I am trying so so so hard to love like Jesus & not reciprocate. How do I react when it’s a persistent stab in the gut? I say I hear you, I forgive you, you’re obviously angry right now so let’s talk later but it keeps going. I desperately want to fight for my husband and marriage but I need support.

does your husband profess to be reborn in Christ?

are there other influences on him that would cause him to hate; does he talk about hating other people/things a a lot?

is there a disagreement between you two that prompts this behavior when it comes up?
 
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Froggymom101

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Oh dear! How terribly hurtful and no excuse for these words. I find that sometimes people lash out and say mean and untrue things when they are angry and upset about other things. Of course we want to be like Jesus but I don't think He meant us to be a doormat for anyone. The idea of marriage counselling is a good one. You can find some help and hope for your marriage here Home - Hope Restored : A Marriage Intensive Experience. I will be praying for you.
 
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Endeavourer

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Endeavourer

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Debbie, this is not a time for notions of unconditional love.

You are not married, and your partner is not marriage material. Dating is an interview for marriage and this person has failed the interview.

You will be incurring stress induced health problems (often irreversible) if you stay in this situation. For more details, please see my response to your same post under the Marriage forums on this site.

You need to separate from this person immediately and not look back. File for child support but do not marry this man and do not stay with him.
 
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Endeavourer

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The idea of marriage counselling is a good one. You can find some help and hope for your marriage here Home - Hope Restored : A Marriage Intensive Experience. I will be praying for you.

Whaaaat? She is not married and the man does not want to be. This advice to lopsidedly pursue a marital relationship with a man who is not her husband and doesn't want to be is very damaging. Could you please reconsider your post?
 
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It breaks my heart to know that you have had such harsh words spoken to you. I dont have an answer other then that its best to always strive to be as much like Jesus as possible. I am truly sorry for what your going through and I pray that things get better for you :praying:
 
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DiscipleHeLovesToo

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Debbie, this is not a time for notions of unconditional love.

You are not married, and your partner is not marriage material. Dating is an interview for marriage and this person has failed the interview.

You will be incurring stress induced health problems (often irreversible) if you stay in this situation. For more details, please see my response to your same post under the Marriage forums on this site.

You need to separate from this person immediately and not look back. File for child support but do not marry this man and do not stay with him.

Debbie - are you married to this man?
 
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NBB

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Christians don't do that, so either he is not very christian like, or he has lots of problems.
Also if he says those things to you, he are meaning them and i don't think he loves you, that is outright mistreatment and verbal violence and you just don't do that with a loved one, so leave him alone, or maybe RUN you don't want to live with such a person.
 
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