parents with adopted children

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Just guessing!! If their biological parents are still alive, it will help them a great deal, if they can get to meet with them, because closure is needed. Finding and interacting with, any family member who new their parents and other relatives is also important too.
 
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dqhall

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how did you help your preteen/teen deal with identity & all the unknowns that come with adoption?

we started to watch a movie which had people in it from the country where preteen was born & the movie triggered lots of feelings


asked preteen "would you like to talk with a counsellor" & got strong no

any help/tips would be appreciated
My aunt was raped in her teens. She put her baby up for adoption. The baby girl grew up and contacted my dad wanting more information about the family. My aunt was divorced at the time, emotionally distressed, had two more children from her failed marriage and was unable to help.

Many lonely people may need to search for Jesus to guide them. Adopted children should get guidance from their adopting parents, teachers and friends too. They should be taught the value of hard work and study.
 
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Tolworth John

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I worked with a young man who told me he was adopted.
His reaction to the question about his natural parents was simple.
His parents were the ones who had brought him up. He had no interest in who had given birth to him and had given him up.

All I can suggest is to be open and honest with questions.
To stress your love for them.
 
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thanks for your input @Franki(ncense)


however, there is no info on birthparents/family
no way to find out

that is what preteen is struggling with mostly
the blank slate- everything is unknown

Owh! Looks like we got a bit of a problem..
 
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Tolworth John

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our preteen does say she loves us & she knows we love her
however, she said this week "it's not fair you both know your birthparents, grandparents, siblings"

not knowing is difficult!

All I can suggest is join with her in finding out, but also to talk about how will she feel if she learns her birth mother has other children living with her?
Finding out about relatives may be exciting, and may result in an extended family in addition to the one she has now.
It is you role to point out the pitfalls and take the sulks/screams etc
 
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Par5

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I worked with a young man who told me he was adopted.
His reaction to the question about his natural parents was simple.
His parents were the ones who had brought him up. He had no interest in who had given birth to him and had given him up.

All I can suggest is to be open and honest with questions.
To stress your love for them.
I was adopted not long after I was born. When in later years I was made aware that I had been adopted my feelings were exactly like those of the young man you mentioned. As far as I was concerned my real parents were the two wonderful people who adopted me and who cared for me and loved me. I had no interest in contacting my birth parents.
I am fast approaching 75 years old and sadly both my parents are long dead, but never once in all those years have I ever had the desire to contact my birth parents.
Just last year a friend of mine told me that his 23 year old daughter had in fact been adopted and that she was actively trying to contact her birth mother. I told him that I too had been adopted but unlike his daughter had no desire to contact my birth parents.
What happened to the daughter over the next few months is a rather cautionary tale. When her birth mother discovered contact was being attempted she clearly resented this and wanted no part of it.
It was a real hammer blow to the daughter, and to her felt like a second rejection.
Fortunately, she belongs to a home where there is plenty of love and this has helped her come to terms with things.
My friend never said as much, but I had the feeling that he and his wife felt a certain amount of hurt that their daughter wanted to contact her birth parents.
In the light of that I can only imagine that had I tried to contact my birth parents that it might have been hurtful to my parents as well.
 
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