What to offer a friend dealing with grief?

[OrthodoxWanderer]

Orthodox only please.



I have a friend who lives a long distance from me. He lost his fiancée this past year and is dealing with grief. He is also being forced to adapt to some new unfavorable life circumstances. He has a little trailer in the woods; he doesn't use it much because it is a dump and he couldn't work from there before. Now, he will spend at least the whole winter there.

He has always been an avowed atheist, but lately he says he has been praying to God, and doing so sincerely. He is praying to the wishy-washy non-specific "universal God" that modern people pray to, but nonetheless I feel he is genuinely looking for the true God.

On the one hand, I feel God at work in his spending a winter alone in the woods thinking about God and life and death. On the other hand, as a friend I worry about depression, what this might do to him.

I have sent him some Orthodox materials which didn't seem to help. So, if anyone has any suggestions I'd so much appreciate it. If not, please just pray for my friend (and his reposed fiancée)?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

In dealing with another person's grief, the best thing to say is nothing at all. Then after a certain period of time has passed, remember the following points:

(Sometimes) It is not always best to quote verses to a deeply hurting person because even though the word of God is spiritual, a person may receive it only intellectual and their hurt is emotionally based. Balance the ministry you give in the first 72 hours on the level of emotional.

When ministering to someone who is grieving it is good to ask them what they good things they remember or cherish from those past situations or people.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Oh. And don't do what Job's friends did.

 

[Xenophon]

When it comes to grief, sometimes the only thing is to hear that others have experienced the same suffering - so that you know you aren't alone.

I would recommend the book A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, but wouldn't pressure reading it.

 

[OrthodoxWanderer]

When it comes to grief, sometimes the only thing is to hear that others have experienced the same suffering - so that you know you aren't alone.

I would recommend the book A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, but wouldn't pressure reading it.

Thank you, Xenophon. I should say he is asking questions about God and is reading a lot of (secular, somewhat New-Agey) books on prayer of his own desire. He asks me my perspective as Orthodox. I don't want to pressure him, either, but he does sometimes ask and seem to be reaching out for something. So, having stuff at the ready isn't a bad idea, I don't think. I try not to bring up prayer and let him be the one who brings it up.

Good idea, C. S. Lewis. I think he'll read that, actually.

 

[Xenophon]

Thank you, Xenophon. I should say he is asking questions about God and is reading a lot of (secular, somewhat New-Agey) books on prayer of his own desire. He asks me my perspective as Orthodox. I don't want to pressure him, either, but he does sometimes ask and seem to be reaching out for something. So, having stuff at the ready isn't a bad idea, I don't think. I try not to bring up prayer and let him be the one who brings it up.

Good idea, C. S. Lewis. I think he'll read that, actually.

As far as new-agey stuff, the Soul After Death by Seraphim Rose explains very well the problems with such things... I recommend that too. It was necessary for surviving Thanatology in college.

 

[ArmyMatt]

just be there.

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

The best gift to give is you will listen and care. If you want to give a physical gift I recommend a self care book or a self care package. Books on how to cope may not be a bad idea either. Go to your library and see if you can find books on self care or look online too. This article on grief is worth reading too- Coping with Grief and Loss - HelpGuide.org