I only desire the spiritual things of God when things are going well. When I am in painful circumstances, I don’t want ANY spiritual help from God, only removal of the problem. Mostly I see people being closer and more spiritual-seeking during difficult times. I am the opposite, I seek spiritual things when times are good. I am driven from Him when times are hard. For example currently, I am going through a severe trial involving my wife’s health. I don’t believe my relationship with God has ever been this strained. I think I felt closer to him when I wasn’t a believer. I don’t see that changing without God fixing the problem.
We've all been through struggles in our Christian walk, and at times have felt that our Father has abandoned us. Jesus Himself felt that on the cross. However, in His walk He was always quick to humble Himself and declare, "Your will be done", thus bending to His Father's sovereign right in all matters. Job, in the midst of feeling despair, grief and pain, thought he had a personal right to question God, and got rebuked whilst he was still suffering.
So, many of us, including the Greatest of all, can empathise with your situation, but we are careful not to adopt an attitude that maligns God and is therefore self-defeating.
We feel for you in your circumstances, but we can't support your present attitude towards God, we have too much love for you and your welfare, and that of our own, to do that.
No doubt you would agree, your wife needs your continued faithfulness in God, and a stoic and even-tempered attitude for her emotional and other support at this time. You need support too, so also seek out the help and encouragement you can get from your local church group, which is there for you, and which God expects of His children.
Would you mind telling me what you are meaning by your comment 'look for spiritual help from God when things are going well', ie what is the spiritual help you receive then?
I'm sorry to learn that you and your wife are going through such a painful time at the moment, and am grateful that there is a forum such as this that gives you an opportunity to release the pressure valve of pent up disappointments. It is a good thing not to allow that to continue though, as you may not only trash your own faith in God, but that of a brother or sister observing your thread, that is weak in faith too, and that would be tragic for all, to say the least.
Shalom, Tony