- Apr 12, 2019
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- United States
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- Christian
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The first month of lock down was good. I watched exercise videos and watched educational videos.
Then my first year anniversary attending my Church I got depressed because I could not attend Easter service in person and I got tired of Zoom. That weekend I "accidentally" found an adult British site based in the Netherlands with my exact fetish pleasures that turn me on. I ripped out my credit card so fast to subscribe. I was watching it all weekend and downloading some of the videos. I was up all night and purposely missed Easter virtual Church since I was not there.
The following Monday I disputed my credit card which I though canceled the site instead just canceled auto renew but I will come back to that.
Thinking the site was canceled I was still craving the types of fetish the site had. I ended up starting to watch lesbian sex on the free inappropriate content sites. No longer seeing a woman naked offended me.
I had enough so I stopped for two weeks no longer looking at those videos and I deleted the videos from that paid adult site off my phone.
But after two weeks I fell again into the inappropriate content sites. My medical doctor who is a Christian increased my medicine which did not help.
Then the moron governor and stupid scientists decided everyone needs to wear a mask and then within weeks the flock listens and more people are wearing masks. Seeing them disturbs me as when I was four I nearly died so past traumatic memories of mask wearing hospital workers. I go back into inappropriate content. Every now and then going to that British site tempted to resubscribe.
Then I decide let me try my old password to the British adult site based in the Netherlands and it still worked. It seemed that the three month subscription only did not auto renew I start to watch it again, pleasures and start to download the videos about five or six a day as they cut you off for 24 hours if you download too much. Within two weeks I download about 50 GB of videos that I back up on the cloud.
I still talk to my friends virtually struggling with sin and things. I keep saying I failed God again. This goes on for weeks especially when I got home from walking seeing all the creepy, no emotions mask wearing people I indulge in those downloadable videos.
Finally after downloading my last video I get an email saying the site is canceled. Not after downloading over 60 GB of videos.
I then get maniacally depressed that this pandemic won't ever end. I start in August and September to meet in person even though they are all wearing masks which is disturbing. This carries on till now even getting turned on just looking at pictures of clothed pretty women.
I am now at a tipping point. I am praying to God but things are getting worse. I snap at my family while they watch the news hassling and abusing people for not wearing a mask or staying apart. I yell that this political pandemic we are losing our freedoms.
It has only been six months and I don't think I can last another month.
Then my first year anniversary attending my Church I got depressed because I could not attend Easter service in person and I got tired of Zoom. That weekend I "accidentally" found an adult British site based in the Netherlands with my exact fetish pleasures that turn me on. I ripped out my credit card so fast to subscribe. I was watching it all weekend and downloading some of the videos. I was up all night and purposely missed Easter virtual Church since I was not there.
The following Monday I disputed my credit card which I though canceled the site instead just canceled auto renew but I will come back to that.
Thinking the site was canceled I was still craving the types of fetish the site had. I ended up starting to watch lesbian sex on the free inappropriate content sites. No longer seeing a woman naked offended me.
I had enough so I stopped for two weeks no longer looking at those videos and I deleted the videos from that paid adult site off my phone.
But after two weeks I fell again into the inappropriate content sites. My medical doctor who is a Christian increased my medicine which did not help.
Then the moron governor and stupid scientists decided everyone needs to wear a mask and then within weeks the flock listens and more people are wearing masks. Seeing them disturbs me as when I was four I nearly died so past traumatic memories of mask wearing hospital workers. I go back into inappropriate content. Every now and then going to that British site tempted to resubscribe.
Then I decide let me try my old password to the British adult site based in the Netherlands and it still worked. It seemed that the three month subscription only did not auto renew I start to watch it again, pleasures and start to download the videos about five or six a day as they cut you off for 24 hours if you download too much. Within two weeks I download about 50 GB of videos that I back up on the cloud.
I still talk to my friends virtually struggling with sin and things. I keep saying I failed God again. This goes on for weeks especially when I got home from walking seeing all the creepy, no emotions mask wearing people I indulge in those downloadable videos.
Finally after downloading my last video I get an email saying the site is canceled. Not after downloading over 60 GB of videos.
I then get maniacally depressed that this pandemic won't ever end. I start in August and September to meet in person even though they are all wearing masks which is disturbing. This carries on till now even getting turned on just looking at pictures of clothed pretty women.
I am now at a tipping point. I am praying to God but things are getting worse. I snap at my family while they watch the news hassling and abusing people for not wearing a mask or staying apart. I yell that this political pandemic we are losing our freedoms.
It has only been six months and I don't think I can last another month.
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