Yes, they are. The feeling I initially got was that he still cared for me and trying to wipe away his guilt.
He still cares, but not enough to make you his primary romantic interest.
That's totally possible. But he gave me the option of breaking off communication and said he would understand. the women he dated briefly in the past did not keep open communication. He said he would welcome a friendship. And that friendship does involve communication. He was in agreement that friendship would not involve more than a hug.
He asked for permission to stay in contact, and you gave a green light. If you still like him, and would consider some kind of a reconciliation in the future, then that's a form of power imbalance, because you are now subconsciously waiting on him. It's important not to self-sabotage in that way, although I realise that when you're emotionally invested it's easier said than done.
And that final text of confession he said he wasn't sure how things would work out with the girl because of the distance. Him having doubts already is not a good indication.
Yeah, it doesn't look good. Occasionally I read about people who made long distance work, but it always involves a lot of commitment and effort.
I really don't think he's ready for a relationship. I don't think has not gotten over his 16-year marriage. He is not taking much time in the years since separation and divorce to be by himself. I remember him comparing me to his ex and even the ex girlfriend of 8 months before. Like negative comparisons of what they did and positive of what I do. I think he realized that our last state and became a little quiet and overwhelmed and was ready to end the date.
Talking about ex partners is one of the worst dating mistakes. If I met someone who did that it would be an instant turn off. I want to look forward as a potential couple, not backwards at him and someone else. And as you said, arguably it's a sign that he's not ready to move on.
yes, I guess it's a common thing with my generation. As my friends have said, he was " blowing up my phone everyday". Even important matters he didn't want to discuss by phone but by text. I did confront the situation and let him know that we couldn't text so much during work hours because it was taking away from work that needed to be done. also important matters were to be discussed by phone. I always had to ask him for when we could find the time to talk by phone.
Texting is OK in the beginning, but it's a bit weird to prefer text to voice as a primary mode of communication after you've met. And asking for a time and permission to call is a bit controlling, isn't it?
I don't ever want to spend that much time in the beginning being all hours of the day in each other's information. Sometimes it was so much that I didn't have time to process. And some days I was dragging and so tired, even though I would try 2 limited so I could get my rest. We had different hours for work.
For anyone working full time, more than a few texts a day is too much and stops you doing your job. Better to catch up with a voice call some other mutually convenient time.
On a side note, I'm enjoying the current guy I'm talking to. He call if there's any miscommunication by email. He doesn't even wait to text he will just call and try to make the time. It also could be a different generation since he's 12 years older. well the guy that I'm trying to get over is 4 years younger. Age doesn't always make the difference but generationally it sometimes can.
Older people grew up with phones and no internet/email or text messages. In some respects what younger generations do now is a regression. Face to face is best, followed by phone. With text and email the context can get lost because you can't read their facial expressions or hear their voice.
Right before the guy I'm trying to get out of my mind was to leave for his vacation, he just dropped out of the world completely it seemed like. Even his clients, he wasn't returning calls. It was very strange. One of my friends seems to think that he might have some mental issues.
I agree. It's very odd, and not a good sign.
and no way have you upset me and I always appreciate your insight and your prayers. I'm pretty sure the right thing to do for my sanity probably would be to block him but I don't want to. It's not that he's saying anything bad, but his comment/intermittent interest makes it harder for me to close him out as a long-term prospect. I know we have a lot in common and I want to be friends but my gut tells me it will take a year for me to get to that place. I'm also probably the first girl he has dated that was on a cerebral level with him since he was used to jumping into something physical.
Probably best to try and put him on the back burner, at least until you have met this other guy. Is it possible that he got cold feet because you wouldn't give him the physical stuff?
