I have a inappropriate content and m addiction since middle school. I don’t know where to turn with all this worries and questions in my head fearing I have said something I don’t mean to say. And you know the worst feeling I have right now. I stopped watching inappropriate content and m for three weeks and relapsed back yesterday and today. Three weeks ago I felt like God was giving me a sign like Christmas Carol, telling me I should repent and confess that night I found out about willful sin.
Please dear struggler don't despair, God loves you even though you are sinner, in the hope that you will flee to Him and find your freedom from such sin as have now still captivated you.
For years i struggled with lust, ever since my sexual assault at 11. It was hellish because my understanding of sex was completely stuffed up. i didn't even dare to tell God about my sins that is how scared i was of Him. For years i struggled rock bottom, not wanting God to exists so that my sins wouldn't matter, until it dawned on me that Jesus loved us enough to die for us while we were yet sinners.
Oh the revelation blew my mind! For God loved me even though my sexuality was completely stuffed up and unholy! My sins didn't matter to my saved status. Once i began to accept His grace like that, love for Jesus started to grow in m, to flourish really. Love for God knows little sin, i soon found out, so i began to sow His loving grace into my heart. i made that my daily activity - eating His grace and learning to love Him for who He is revealed by the word of God itself right inside my heart.
Unbelievable what happens when we begin to love God instead of fear Him. His word backed me up and helped me along in my quest to hear His voice loud and clear, so very different in how it used to accuse me when i still hadn't put my faith in God's love.
God's word became my freedom. i died in the following spiritualities over the years that followed, as i grew in His love. Lust, lack of self control, paranoia, perversion, arrogance, pride, selfishness, unfaithfulness, doubt and unbelief all perished out of me and my sins in them ceased.
Honest as love for God grows the will to sin dies - automatically - each day a bit more. For as long as you eat grace when you fall you will grow in God's love and your will to do sin will go away. The only one to really watch out for is the spirit of unfaithful love itself. She is the great prostitute in your heart. Unfaithful love is unlike Jesus and only thinks about itself. Selfishness needs to die in us but i know that God's Spirit brings good life alive instead of the misery unfaithfulness brings us.
Today i'm basically free from wilful sin. Life is great with Jesus as King, i'm so very proud of Him, for He got done what i couldn't do. He washed me from my sins in real life and for real.
So be smart and let sin be sin, just like Revelation 22 advises us to do, and let holy living be holy living, you endeavour to stay on God's side of the coin, and let wilful sin perish in its own misery. To love God and neighbour is what makes God glad but even this is not required to be saved.
Jesus saved you out of mere grace, nothing you do, can hinder that salvation, but you can miss out on it down here if you don't believe that God's word is true. Already 2000 years ago Jesus saved you from your sins, it is for you to believe that and love Him back in return for what He did. This is how wilful sin will die out of you - you learning to love Jesus for His grace and surrendering yourself a sinner into His hands and letting Him transform you from the inside out, turning you into a fearlessly loving person.
Be of good courage with the right mind set O.C.D will help you along instead of the other way around. It is amazing how Jesus does that.
Peace.