To Men Seeking A Godly Wife

[Joshua Hess]

The Bride of Christ in Scripture is the Church.

Roman Catholics teach that nuns, who promise to remain celibate for life, are "brides of Christ" in a special sense. I am not convinced that that's a Scriptural concept.

In any case, for "men seeking a godly wife," nuns are off-limits.

Unless you are Martin Luther

 

[GospelS]

The Bride of Christ in Scripture is the Church.

Roman Catholics teach that nuns, who promise to remain celibate for life, are "brides of Christ" in a special sense. I am not convinced that that's a Scriptural concept.

In any case, for "men seeking a godly wife," nuns are off-limits.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[philadelphos]

Men who hasten into relationships and marriages without recognizing God’s purpose for them and where they are at. There does come a time when one must hasten. Identifying your calling in His kingdom and where you are at and aligning accordingly is the key.

Many churches around here advertise (mostly by word of mouth, talks, presentations, maybe interviews and articles) that the church(es) "prefer (to hire) married ministers". Thus many young men aspire (desperately) to marry around the time they are in college/seminary in order to add a notch to their resume, for employment purposes amongst other conveniences. To hammer this point home, there are virtually ZERO single men who minister or are elders. i.e. no one appears to be following Paul's imperative that singleness is a higher virtue. To make such bias worse, existing ministers, elders, and public speakers often flaunt and boast about their own "marriages", commenting on marital life, how amazing their wives are, how inept they would be without their wives, and teaching congregations how to find wives. Indeed one of the largest (co-ed) bible colleges here has an informal slogan or motto, "Single man's last chance". - A whirlpool of carnal desperation.

 

[philadelphos]

Many churches around here advertise (mostly by word of mouth, talks, presentations, maybe interviews and articles) that the church(es) "prefer (to hire) married ministers". Thus many young men aspire (desperately) to marry around the time they are in college/seminary in order to add a notch to their resume, for employment purposes amongst other conveniences. To hammer this point home, there are virtually ZERO single men who minister or are elders. i.e. no one appears to be following Paul's imperative that singleness is a higher virtue. To make such bias worse, existing ministers, elders, and public speakers often flaunt and boast about their own "marriages", commenting on marital life, how amazing their wives are, how inept they would be without their wives, and teaching congregations how to find wives. Indeed one of the largest (co-ed) bible colleges here has an informal slogan or motto, "Single man's last chance". - A whirlpool of carnal desperation.

Yep, it's a pity. - With youth unemployment, failing industries, surging numbers in (im)migrant workforces, education system deficits, etc, etc, the last thing a man needs is a wife. Not until he's ready anyhow. And we live in a generation post-sexual revolution that idolises women like the Diana cult in Scripture. Amazonian glamazons, super models, beauty queens, actresses, singers, presidential candidates, etc. Conversely male gender roles are mocked, undermined, poked fun at, etc, especially in advertising campaigns. And criticising males ministers is a cultural norm, while female ministers (being contrary to Scripture) are exalted, or female 'youth ministers', 'deaconesses', 'bible study leaders', being essentially the same in juniority. So to weak and young believers, 1st generation believers, it's easy to feel overwhelming frustrated... deficient, underqualified, unaccomplished, and not yet 'a man'. That somehow a woman of all things can possibly fill this void. Then marrying pre-maturely, impulsively, and conveniently, for mostly the aforementioned wrong reasons. Also fulfilling the American dream, to be 'normal' and socially accepted by worldly standards. - Forgetting altogether to be 'dead to the sin and alive in Christ' (Rom 6).

 

[Radagast]

With youth unemployment, failing industries, surging numbers in (im)migrant workforces, education system deficits, etc, etc, the last thing a man needs is a wife.

That's exactly when a man needs a good wife.

 

[Olmhinlu]

That's exactly when a man needs a good wife.

Why?

 

[Radagast]

Why?

Genesis 2:18: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

It is when times are tough that a man needs a helper most.

 

[Joshua Hess]

Many churches around here advertise (mostly by word of mouth, talks, presentations, maybe interviews and articles) that the church(es) "prefer (to hire) married ministers". Thus many young men aspire (desperately) to marry around the time they are in college/seminary in order to add a notch to their resume, for employment purposes amongst other conveniences. To hammer this point home, there are virtually ZERO single men who minister or are elders. i.e. no one appears to be following Paul's imperative that singleness is a higher virtue. To make such bias worse, existing ministers, elders, and public speakers often flaunt and boast about their own "marriages", commenting on marital life, how amazing their wives are, how inept they would be without their wives, and teaching congregations how to find wives. Indeed one of the largest (co-ed) bible colleges here has an informal slogan or motto, "Single man's last chance". - A whirlpool of carnal desperation.

Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
1 Timothy 3:2 ESV

Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.
1 Timothy 3:12 ESV

Scripture is pretty clear as to who should be overseer's and deacons. There are opportunities all over the world just begging for manly leadership that single men can provide. In the actual local bodies though, I think marriage is almost a requirement. Paul was an apostle and when he spoke in reference to being single, he clearly said it was just his opinion not necessarily a word from the Lord. I think it is easier for an apostle to stay single so the can travel the world spreading the Gospel.

 

[philadelphos]

Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
1 Timothy 3:2 ESV

Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.
1 Timothy 3:12 ESV

Scripture is pretty clear as to who should be overseer's and deacons. There are opportunities all over the world just begging for manly leadership that single men can provide. In the actual local bodies though, I think marriage is almost a requirement. Paul was an apostle and when he spoke in reference to being single, he clearly said it was just his opinion not necessarily a word from the Lord. I think it is easier for an apostle to stay single so the can travel the world spreading the Gospel.

Depends. Leadership criteria varies between groups (and I would argue that the elder/presbyterian model is the oldest and clearest in both OT and NT). The decision is of course personal and social/communal, in one's context, but I disagree as to your dual standard rule. The Gospel is also not merely 'spread' but rather 'lived', being a living testimony, a cloud of witnesses per se.

Paul's pre-supposition is anti-fornication, anti-molestation, and a-sexuality. 1 Cor 7:1-2, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. ... to avoid fornication" (dating back to how marriage and pro-creation originated, from Eve, the serpent, Adam, and sanction from God to pro-create)

Without spelling it out our current generation/era is disgracefully tainted by the very opposite kind of men, perverted, twisted, lustful, twisted, and even the best and purest are tangled in the toxic culture and influences described earlier. Hence the church's stance and priority (in most if not all groups) is defensive and preventative. To shield/protect the congregation, women, and children, out of due diligence, and political correctness. In case. - But this should not be the standard, as a sanctified renewed person should need no correction.

1 Cor. 7:9, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." The statement is conditional.

Contain > marry > burn.

"Single men needed all over the world not locally" - Per the above Pauline pre-supposition. Assuming you're referring to single missionary men, there are many cases of overseas pedophiles, child inappropriate contentographers, molesters, and typical adulterers running a muck in the field. Men abroad are no different to men locally. Hypocrisy is not geographically limited. If a man can't control himself at home, he can't control himself abroad.

Such 'self-control' or 'continence' (ἐγκρατεύομαι, G1467 - egkrateuomai - Strong's Greek Lexicon (KJV)) applies to both, local, abroad, male and female, young and old, unmarried and widowed. It's a pursuit of perfection, becoming servants of Christ, not wives. Serving an eternal purpose, not the perishing.

1 Cor. 9:25, "And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate G1467 in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible."

The goal is to chase Christ, not brides...

 

[Joshua Hess]

...

 

[Joshua Hess]

Depends. Leadership criteria varies between groups (and I would argue that the elder/presbyterian model is the oldest and clearest in both OT and NT). The decision is of course personal and social/communal, in one's context, but I disagree as to your dual standard rule. The Gospel is also not merely 'spread' but rather 'lived', being a living testimony, a cloud of witnesses per se.

Paul's pre-supposition is anti-fornication, anti-molestation, and a-sexuality. 1 Cor 7:1-2, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. ... to avoid fornication" (dating back to how marriage and pro-creation originated, from Eve, the serpent, Adam, and sanction from God to pro-create)

Without spelling it out our current generation/era is disgracefully tainted by the very opposite kind of men, perverted, twisted, lustful, twisted, and even the best and purest are tangled in the toxic culture and influences described earlier. Hence the church's stance and priority (in most if not all groups) is defensive and preventative. To shield/protect the congregation, women, and children, out of due diligence, and political correctness. In case. - But this should not be the standard, as a sanctified renewed person should need no correction.

1 Cor. 7:9, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." The statement is conditional.

Contain > marry > burn.

"Single men needed all over the world not locally" - Per the above Pauline pre-supposition. Assuming you're referring to single missionary men, there are many cases of overseas pedophiles, child inappropriate contentographers, molesters, and typical adulterers running a muck in the field. Men abroad are no different to men locally. Hypocrisy is not geographically limited. If a man can't control himself at home, he can't control himself abroad.

Such 'self-control' or 'continence' (ἐγκρατεύομαι, G1467 - egkrateuomai - Strong's Greek Lexicon (KJV)) applies to both, local, abroad, male and female, young and old, unmarried and widowed. It's a pursuit of perfection, becoming servants of Christ, not wives. Serving an eternal purpose, not the perishing.

1 Cor. 9:25, "And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate G1467 in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible."

The goal is to chase Christ, not brides...

Hmm I completely agree with conclusion there at the bottom. It's profound and should be followed in all walks of all aspects of life. Also 1st Corinth 9:25 is profound as well and every man or woman needs to walk that out in all purity.

But I would say the whole contain > marry > burn

Depends. Leadership criteria varies between groups (and I would argue that the elder/presbyterian model is the oldest and clearest in both OT and NT). The decision is of course personal and social/communal, in one's context, but I disagree as to your dual standard rule. The Gospel is also not merely 'spread' but rather 'lived', being a living testimony, a cloud of witnesses per se.

Paul's pre-supposition is anti-fornication, anti-molestation, and a-sexuality. 1 Cor 7:1-2, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. ... to avoid fornication" (dating back to how marriage and pro-creation originated, from Eve, the serpent, Adam, and sanction from God to pro-create)

Without spelling it out our current generation/era is disgracefully tainted by the very opposite kind of men, perverted, twisted, lustful, twisted, and even the best and purest are tangled in the toxic culture and influences described earlier. Hence the church's stance and priority (in most if not all groups) is defensive and preventative. To shield/protect the congregation, women, and children, out of due diligence, and political correctness. In case. - But this should not be the standard, as a sanctified renewed person should need no correction.

1 Cor. 7:9, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." The statement is conditional.

Contain > marry > burn.

"Single men needed all over the world not locally" - Per the above Pauline pre-supposition. Assuming you're referring to single missionary men, there are many cases of overseas pedophiles, child inappropriate contentographers, molesters, and typical adulterers running a muck in the field. Men abroad are no different to men locally. Hypocrisy is not geographically limited. If a man can't control himself at home, he can't control himself abroad.

Such 'self-control' or 'continence' (ἐγκρατεύομαι, G1467 - egkrateuomai - Strong's Greek Lexicon (KJV)) applies to both, local, abroad, male and female, young and old, unmarried and widowed. It's a pursuit of perfection, becoming servants of Christ, not wives. Serving an eternal purpose, not the perishing.

1 Cor. 9:25, "And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate G1467 in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible."

The goal is to chase Christ, not brides...

Hmm I completely agree with conclusion there at the bottom. It's profound and should be followed in all walks of all aspects of life. Also 1st Corinth 9:25 is profound as well and every man or woman needs to walk that out in all purity.

But I would say the whole contain > marry > burn is a problem outside of the church.

Overseas pedophiles, child inappropriate contentographers, molesters, and typical adulterers are linking arms with Satan in those situations just as they would be here at home.

In verse one of 1st Corinth it is the Corinthians that wrote that "It is good for a man not to touch a woman". Paul pushed back against that and said let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband.
In verse 7 he specifically speaks in regards to his spiritual gifting "For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that"
And verse 6 specifically says that he speaks this by permission and not as a commandment. In other words, this is more or less just what would like or think is best. This section "contain > marry > burn" is written in that context and is pretty much Paul saying that he wished more people had the spiritual gift of an apostleship.

Also in regards to the the Gospel, it is to be both lived and spread other wise there would not be the direction given to "go into all the world". Everyone spreading it though must be living it though of course. This brings us back to the young single men seeking a role in ministry. If they are truly sincere and following Christ but not married. They should look to going. If God places a woman in their life to be their support in ministry then they should look to that direction.

 

[philadelphos]

the whole contain > marry > burn is a problem outside of the church.

In verse one of 1st Corinth it is the Corinthians that wrote that "It is good for a man not to touch a woman". Paul pushed back against that and said let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband.
In verse 7 he specifically speaks in regards to his spiritual gifting "For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that"
And verse 6 specifically says that he speaks this by permission and not as a commandment. In other words, this is more or less just what would like or think is best. This section "contain > marry > burn" is written in that context and is pretty much Paul saying that he wished more people had the spiritual gift of an apostleship.

Also in regards to the the Gospel, it is to be both lived and spread other wise there would not be the direction given to "go into all the world". Everyone spreading it though must be living it though of course. This brings us back to the young single men seeking a role in ministry. If they are truly sincere and following Christ but not married. They should look to going. If God places a woman in their life to be their support in ministry then they should look to that direction.

Thank you for your polite reply and observations, though I hope you realise the reply is classist (discriminating between intra-church vs extra-church), i.e. gender and marriage is class-less. Any adult qualifies. Similarly God and his judgement is non-classist and universal (for the most part, in the common revelatory sense, without getting into a technical debate). i.e. Being a 'just' God he has no favourites since all men/creatures are his property. Likewise the church is not exempt from divine judgement.

e.g. In the Exodus Korah and his rebels were equally saved along with the other children of Israel from bondage in Egypt, and yet their later insubordination, an unlawful and relentless rebellion, prompted God's judgement and resulted in their imminent deaths. God opened the earth and swallowed them whole. - "For there is no respect of persons with God." (Rom. 2:11) likewise his judgement, offer of life, and salvation into the new creation are universal and indiscriminate offers (. Hence, in future, 'every knee shall bow' to Christ, as his return/presence will be clear to all humankind,

Covenantal theologians will quibble here about covenants, groups, and levels, but Scripture has a universal message of damnation and hope. "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:" (Rom 5:12) and as you probably know the Gospel or hope of salvation, is a possible reality for 'all men'.

Anyhow, my earlier point stands. "To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." aligns with the 9th commandment to not covet thy neighbours wife etc. And I since sex (and sexual immorality) has an insidious and devilish origin, it makes is better to stay away from marriage and copulation altogether if at all possible. Which I agree is seemingly difficult to impossible to many, yet most certainly it and undeniably it is in Scripture and thus worth considering, meditating over, praying about, and if one is capable, God-willing, committing to as a lifestyle. - As part of one's training for the eternal race. Fidelity to the divine bridgegroom and an everlasting marriage.

 

[ReesePiece23]

The OP was enough. All of this talk is needless.

 

[GospelS]

So to weak and young believers, 1st generation believers, it's easy to feel overwhelming frustrated... deficient, underqualified, unaccomplished, and not yet 'a man'. That somehow a woman of all things can possibly fill this void. Then marrying pre-maturely, impulsively, and conveniently, for mostly the aforementioned wrong reasons. Also fulfilling the American dream, to be 'normal' and socially accepted by worldly standards. - Forgetting altogether to be 'dead to the sin and alive in Christ' (Rom 6).

God Loves You.

 

[philadelphos]

"Godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Tim. 6:6)

Singleness: a personal testimony - Moore College

 

[Tony B]

You wouldn't want to get a Christian woman before she is being well trained by her heavenly Father. Why do you dare disturb her while she needs to focus on her preparation and then you later complain about her before the Lord and everyone? I mean it's her time with the Father and she is already fighting many other distractions by this world. Love is a war and that needs a lot of preparing. And why do you seek her while you yourself aren't well prepared yet and be distracted? Prepare yourself before the Lord and let the Lord transform you to a godly man and then see if He wouldn't work on your behalf and bring you one of His daughters to be your wife, whom He had been preparing for you already.

Don't hasten in your own strength. Identify where you are with your journey, align accordingly and complete the full course that is required of you. It is for your better if you don't experiment and try some tricks and crazy short-cuts in this area. Jesus has been longing to meet His bride too. Isn't Jesus allowing His bride to prepare herself and waiting until the Father's time has come? Read the word and learn from what Jesus already did to get His bride and still doing to prepare for the day of meeting His bride, and the grand wedding. How did The Son qualify before the Father and readied as a bridegroom by the Father's hand? And how does the Father keep protecting the bride of His Son? Spend time with Jesus and follow Him.

God gives some extra protection and care to the weaker vessels. But it is also He who will teach you how to find what He's been so shielding if you patiently spend some time in His presence and have your ears open to His voice. With that you learn how to seek and pursue a woman in a godly manner. Then your seeking will be fun and easier, even as she is having fun hiding in the Lord and being sought-after. A godly woman is a princess quietly enjoying in the Father's palace, under His wings is where she wants to be. She is secure and free, totally aware that no one can enter the palace and get her unless the Father has summoned it. That's how she makes sure of the man and when she comes to meet you, she meets you out of her obedience to the Lord, it wouldn't be just because she is interested or you asked her out. Ruth met Boaz when told by Naomi, in the manner told by Naomi, and in obedience to Naomi.

These are my few tips for now. I will add more as the Lord permits. The following verses may be a bit out of context but let me put them here- Proverbs 25:2, Matthew 13:44-46.

Wise words, but at the risk of sounding a cynic, I have yet to find a church group whose oversight has helped to properly prepare individuals to be effective Christian spouses, which in my opinion is a significant cause of why the divorce rate is so high.

Yes, if we let Him, God will train us up, but He very much also relies on quality teaching, and showing through good example from within a church group, to help us along the way, both in preparation for marriage and in its execution.

I have yet to find such a church group, or an individual that has been helped as such. I'm not saying they don't exist, but I fear they may be far scarcer than hen's teeth, particularly here in Oz.

 

[bèlla]

.

 

[philadelphos]

Wise words, but at the risk of sounding a cynic, I have yet to find a church group whose oversight has helped to properly prepare individuals to be effective Christian spouses, which in my opinion is a significant cause of why the divorce rate is so high.

Yes, if we let Him, God will train us up, but He very much also relies on quality teaching, and showing through good example from within a church group, to help us along the way, both in preparation for marriage and in its execution.

I have yet to find such a church group, or an individual that has been helped as such. I'm not saying they don't exist, but I fear they may be far scarcer than hen's teeth, particularly here in Oz.

There's collectivism and there's a person's individual duty & responsibility. - i.e. While "training" as you say, things like (church) community, society, culture, social structures, and education are useful and most certainly shape young people, no "example" or "group" can define a person, set in stone, and such measures are precautionary at best unable to guarantee future behaviour. i.e. prodigal children. Each person is also unique, "made in the image of God", a fallen creature, and (believers) progressively conforming to the image of Christ, growing/maturing at their own rate.

Australia and the West in general have many problems. Narcissism, excess wealth, pursuit of and idolatry of money and status, conceitedness, feminism, sexual libertarianism, hyper-individualism, small and broken families, martial infidelity, workaholism, and practically non-existent family and societal traditions. Ultimately making marriage a "luck of the draw" as one forumite commented about American courtship (superficial dating etc). These issues make potential wives (and their families) unattractive and unsuitable options for a man of faith, it's too risky and complicated. A poisoned well.

Rather than "training" I would suggest that perhaps "marriage" itself is when actual growth and maturity occurs, at least for couples, learning by doing, in self sacrifice, servility, submission to their counterpart. Touche for singles with parents, employers, community and society. - And to ease the concerns of readers with daughters, I would suggest that like Christ, men, grooms, and husbands will 'lead' the marriage and relationship, carrying the physical, intellectual, and spiritual burdens of their wife, first considering the needs of the woman before marriage, and marrying selflessly. Counter-culturally.

Scripture to consider:

1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

 

[Tony B]

Tony B,

I used to participate in a private community for women that provided instruction and support. The goal was the development of a complementary mindset and disposition which strengthened relational bonds and prepared those en route to companionship.

The members hailed from different backgrounds and age groups with varying abilities. Some were disabled and their contribution was precious. It wasn’t a Christian group but I learned a lot nonetheless. The accountability and transparency was priceless.

Time constraints and doctrinal differences may be the impediment of implementing a similar group in the church.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

Yes, I agree, there are ways around the shortcomings caused through church structures and denominational dogma Bella, but these workarounds will never be as wholesome as the instruction and counsel given out by a godly Christian pastor and his wife, properly trained up and gifted with the responsibility of caring for members of the flock of God.

We as individuals have been fortunate to have received counsel from the Holy Spirit, and He has dealt with us direct in training us up personally in godly attitudes and behaviour, and along the way He has used and cherry picked instruction and advice from secular services for our benefit, but we need ongoing Christian mentoring (to varying degrees depending on the individual or couple), which is why Paul gave the selection criteria to Timothy as to what he should look for in potential elders/pastors, and their assisting deacons. Nothing to do with how they are to run a religious regimented church service by the way, but everything to do about providing a priestly service to our God, and personal care, instruction and counsel to fellow members of His flock.

We may be aware of many or our own shortcomings, but there will be many more outed when we live in close proximity to another. Some of these we may see, some of them we won't. Some will be of little consequence by themselves, but rolled together they can be overly irksome. The evil one will use any means he can to break up a Christian relationship, so we need to be self aware, understanding of others and their needs, and effective communicators if we want our relationships to work well.

Many of us have come from a past that didn't provide good examples of marital relationships, and we need to be shown, passively or explicitly, the outworkings of a good Christian marriage.

I realise we probably all share the same opinion on this, so forgive if I've been a bit vociferous in venting my frustration on the inadequacies of our church, or rather, the ones that I have experienced.

Shalom.

Tony B

 

[solid_core]

The godly wife does not automatically mean a good wife.

She can be very godly, but unusable in a marriage.