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I Can't Look at Myself

brandynicole

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
 

Aussie Pete

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
Jesus suffered and died for you already. Why would God pick on you? God forgives and forgets. Why should you not do the same? It's hard until you realise the truth. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?

Please read the following articles. You need to get out from under Satan's accusations and you need to forgive yourself.

Are you under condemnation? - Christian Life Frankston
Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston
 
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NeverL0ved

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
What shame are you carrying deep inside?
 
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mtatertayte

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
It is an honor to speak the truth from your heart.
At least God has given you that honor.

Most of these you are posting too
do not have that honor upon them from God.
 
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brandynicole

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What shame are you carrying deep inside?

I've committed nearly every sin there is: I lost my purity and innocence. I was born of inferior birth (I resent my parents for creating me with my skin color and other deformities). I've carried evil thoughts in my mind. And now it seems that I create destruction everywhere I go (the curse).
 
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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.

Who is exposing this darkness within you?

It is he who sheds light. He's showing you the truth because he loves you. Thank him for showing you the truth. Rejoice in the truth! Say thank you Father! Thank you for exposing what was killing me. Thank you for for bringing me to the light of your presence.

Trust him. Know that the darkness that was within you, is now behind you; and that his glorious light is before you. Trust that he loves you, and has forgiven you for what is behind you. Don't look back at the one who calls you from behind. There is no guilt if you trust that he has forgiven you. There is only love for him. Trust that he loves you.

It is the evil one who is making you feel guilt. Pay him no mind. You are to love the father with all your heart, with all your mind, and all that is utterly you. It all belongs to him. A thought of guilt, is a thought you have taken from your heavenly father.

Keep your eyes on him, as he continues to bring you ever closer to his light, lovingly exposing all of the darkness within you; so that even the shadows of your past, have nowhere to hide. Be his light.

Hallelu YAH!
 
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charsan

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It's not easy to live when you are worthless in every way

Your not, never ever think that again that idea that your worthless and inferior is from Satan. I am disabled and have to have help with a lot of things but I am not worthless. No one is worthless
 
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SnowTiger

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It's not easy to live when you are worthless in every way

I know how you feel. I also feel really bad all the time. I hear an ugly voice in my head that laughs at me all day long. I also believe I was given signs from God that I will go to hell when I die. So I am terrified of death.

All I can tell you is that all the Christians on this forum have said nothing but nice things to me. They have been a great consolation to my soul. I really appreciate the kind words from those on this forum. Hopefully they are a reflection of God's mercy.

Try not to hate yourself. The devil will do that for you.
 
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LovebirdsFlying

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My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
If that is so, then you have the WRONG God.

the TRUE God does NOT want you to suffer; but the devil likes to play dress up and make you think he is God. It is the devil and his lies that make you suffer.
 
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AllDayFaith

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God wants me to suffer.
God doesn't want you to suffer, but He allows it to happen to build you up for His glory. I think you have to try and fight your way out of that shame you're in. Be proud of who you are in Christ, and take pride in your appearance. You are a unique being, made and set apart for God. You are not alone in your suffering, there are others like us that are going through the same things you are. I pray that you find new strength to take care of yourself.
 
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Jaxxi

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
Oh my gosh honey. Nobody can see your shame and that isn't why they are looking at you. Maybe you just look sad, or pretty. Everyone looks at everyone but people are not judging you or your past. They don't even know you! You can private message me and tell me what is going on. I am a Mom, and I care deeply about people and their mental well being. You do not deserve to feel this way at all. It is not right.
 
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Jesusfann777888

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I hate even the thought of looking at myself in a mirror. The shame of my past and the things I have experienced cripple me. Every day I wear the same outfit in order to have control over something. It is comfortable and doesn't draw attention to me.

When I'm out in public I can tell people are staring. They see the shame and the dirtiness of my soul. God has cursed me, and not only do I have to live with shame, but I have to live with the thought that I'm carrying evil inside of me.

My life is full of torment: from the moment I wake until I sleep. And it doesn't stop there. I have nightmares where I replay the events of my life. God wants me to suffer.
Wooo, where to begin. First let's try to jumpstart you back to reality. I've been posessed multiple times and I know for a fact you haven't done anything near the degree I have. You probably don't even come anywhere close to what I've done. Hmmmm and when I read The Bible God never stated that as a process for how he treats people he created.

So, if it's possible, maybe, you aren't hated and maybe your just as sinful or less than other people and even if you don't have control over everything the Person who does Love's you. Hard to imagine I know but, is it really that hard to imagine Considering your still alive. Now satan, he's an awfully bad person and, he really doesn't like people. It sounds like you described him, that nasty badguy when God really cares about you.

And those people staring, maybe they think what your wearing looks nice and they see something you don't see because you haven't looked in the mirror that's beautifull? Maybe, that's possible too because they haven't done anything bad to you. People generally don't stare at people they don't like looking at.
 
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