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Justasking123

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i have grown from rock bottom suicidally depressed to walking daily with Him and i love Him more than my own life. i left the liar, hypocrite, and uncaring sinner behind and have found peace and rest instead of my inner turmoil.
Thank you for your testimony, I would like to hear more about how you did this, if you wish to tell me?
 
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I did dépend on horoscopes for a year approximately which kept me in sin
That involvement could be having an on-going residual effect and you might need to seek assistance from someone who has experience in ministering to people who need to be set free from it.
 
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Thank you for your testimony, I would like to hear more about how you did this, if you wish to tell me?

You know brother the first thing i realised was that you harvest what you sow and that sowing good life begins with a prayer and a heart dedicated to His truth not with doubting Jesus or His word to us. i began to read the bible to my heart and let it take me on a journey into Eternal life, for only when we have found life in God's truth are we eternal, while a life in lies and deceit will always perish in the end.

The second thing i realised was that i was divided within my heart between forces who wanted to live for themselves and for parts of me where i wanted to serve God and find my purpose in life. i found that only in part i wanted to serve God but that in biggest part i had been selfishly and dishonestly been making decisions to gain good for myself. i suppose i understood the sheep and the goat parable a lot better after i had that realisation. Jesus did get rid of the goats out of my heart but not after i suffered them intensely. A divided heart needs to be brought to unity and with the wicked on board it is hard going.

Thirdly that the word of God ought to be read to ourselves to teach us spiritually and not just literally. It is amazing what i learned over the first 3 years i read the bible to myself and let it expose the wicked hiding behind my sin. The truth of Scripture taken spiritually convinced me of the truth of Jesus more than anything else. It is unbelievable how well He knows us and how intimately deep He goes to work in our hearts when we dare to have faith in His love and His salvation.

So cultivate love for God growing in His truth. Saturate yourself with His truth. In particular the good news of salvation of those who have faith in His grace. Honest brother it is of utmost importance that you have faith in His grace each time you go to Him a failed sinner. i swear that it doesn't matter! Far better to go to Jesus than let the accuser in your guilty conscience grill you for years on end. He is the liar we were warned about by Jesus when we decided to sin anyway we didn't take him into account.

The accuser ought not to be heeded but God's grace. The more you eat of God's grace the more His love will fill your heart, the more His love will fill your heart the more you will love Him. The more you will love him the more you will leave sin and follow Him. A life with Him is awesome for my heart is united now in purpose to serve The Lord and i have learned to love Him for His love over me and us all. He is the best Saviour you could ever meet. For He saves you even if you have done everything wrong, like i did, even occultism, but He came and rescued me anyway. He brought His good life alive in my heart and now i may heed His words all the time and rejoice in His salvation.

Crown Jesus King of your heart even today and get His loving truth into you by reading the bible as a personal address to all the lives in your inner world of being. i know for sure you will not regret Him.

An invitation to The Chosen.

God's Love will not take or will
you to conform to rules or demand
which imprison, enslave, burn or kill you.

God's Love will not pervert what's Good
The Lord loves truthfully Wise and Good.
True Love was, is and always will be Good!

In God's Love you are free to be right!
In His love everything is good proper and kind.
He loves all who love good and true to rule!

His Love is caring, providing, and sharing.
His Love always enjoys and protects good life.
His love rules even when bad life has being in us!

Hear Jesus call - 'Come join up with us all!
Leave whatever ties you down and be free
loving good life with all God's own to be.'

To the rest in your heart God's asks
how long will you tarry in the darkness?
Please leave such bad existence within.

For life must not, no never should, or would, or could,
be forceful, rude, prideful, arrogant, selfish, lustful
or otherwise be untrue to God's loving truth.

Neither should life be hurting or ill,
hungry, oppressed, despised, hated
or otherwise have existence in wrong.

Please hand your Bad Life over to Jesus
Humbly ask for His Good Life back in return
and go love God, self and neighbour with Joy.

The Church knows that Jesus is coming soon
All bad life will be our shameful past then,
so please leave your bad life while you can!

Love
 
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I wish I could go back and make better choices.

The past, the present, and the future are all "tools" for you to use.

They are not actual things that are solid.
They are fluid tools for you to use.

You can restructure all three.
 
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What I did really bad is that I willfully rejected the Gospel even after knowing the truth, now it is like I want to belong to God just to be saved, so my motives are very far from the love we are supposed to have.
Your motives are quite normal. Any sane person would want to go to heaven rather than be rejected. That was my reason, just to save my skin. Once we are born again, we gain a new nature. Lord Jesus comes to live in us in the Person of His Holy Spirit. Our eyes are opened and we begin to see God in a new light. We are born sinners. I wanted nothing to do with God. I knew only the Anglican church and I detested every minute I was forced to attend (about 3 years at boarding school). Oh, I knew God was real and I believed that Jesus died and rose again. It was about as meaningful as knowing that Julius Caesar ruled Rome for a time.

I was scared into heaven. But as God revealed Himself to me, my attitude began to change. It took a few years because I was really messed up. The Lord can change you as well.

Some kids are adopted from poverty stricken countries. Very often they hoard food because they've never had enough. They often have trouble accepting that they are a member of the family. We can be like that too. Don't let guilt rob you. Jesus died for all your sins, including rejecting the gospel.
 
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How can I repent being numb? It is like a vicious circle, because I have to be broken to repent and want to come to God from my whole heart but I can't as I have separated from God because of sin.
You can not do it yourself, only the Holy Spirit within you. Ask for His Holy Spirit and begin to trust.
I will pray for you. :prayer:
Be blessed.
 
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Thank you, I just see no hope whatsoever for me, it seems like I'm walking in darkness. I have also tried to take advantage of people in the past for my benefit, really bad.

I'm not even sure if I deeply feel guilty otherwise I would be able to repent sincerely and God would forgive me..

I never thought that the heart could numb to a point where it cannot be restored. It is like being a psychopath, heartless.
 
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Dear brother or sister, this is not about how good you can be for Christ, it's about how good Christ is to you. He is not our savior because of what we can do for Him first, He is our savior because of what He did and does for us. We go to Him as we are, no other way to do it, and often we wander off, but He is faithful. This is where we start to have faith, to really grasp Him, instead of trying to somehow force Him to love us by constantly looking at ourselves and our condition to the point of utter despair. He loved us first, it is His nature, it continues to be His nature and we did nothing to deserve it, quite the opposite. It's not about a switch we should find in the darkness, that if we could just turn it, God would love us again. There is no switch, His love is already here, manifested in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, who died and rose for you.

I believe it to be a blessed thing when we come to the end of ourselves. We don't feel like it's a blessing, because after all we see our fallen nature better, and it feels like we're trapped in some dark abyss with no ability to climb out of it. But don't let it scare you any further, don't give in to despair, because all of this should prune you out of self-reliance, and to rely on Him for all good things. Some of us just have to experience our utter inability and see it for what it is. All of it, our sin, our hardened heart, our fallen nature. To see it can really bring one down, when it ceases to be just words and becomes reality. It's a hard thing for us to learn, but to God none of this is a surprise. He always knew this, He knows it now, He knows you better than you do and that is why we have Christ.

When we are broken to the point where we realize that we can't even be broken properly, because even in being broken we realize that we'd like to be more sincere with our sorrow, we really need the light of Gospel and Jesus Christ. Instead of looking inward, it's time to look outward now. Time to let the love in you don't really know how to believe in right now. Do not look at the strength of your faith, as weak as it might be, look at the One your faith is reaching to grasp. He will do it, His Spirit will finish the work that was started. Even this, your current repentance (which you probably won't count as real repentance, although it is) is His work. His work in you isn't there to drive you away or to destroy you, it is there to take you, to keep you, to root you into Him.

Do not think that "it is too late", do not listen to the voice of despair no matter how hard it rages. Or do you think you can judge God's heart towards you through your own warped lens? Despair has nothing on you. It can scare you, it can bring you down, it can make itself to seem like the only reality, but it has no right or claim for you. Nothing is too late. God lowered Himself for us, came here as a man, and was crucified. The cross of Christ will meet your case. His righteousness will meet your unrighteousness, because it is for you. It's not for Him, He didn't need the cross for Himself, but we absolutely do. He knows what we are, and all the while knowing this, He gave Himself for us, God for the ungodly. Not only was His death for us, His resurrection was for us too. There is no love greater than this, and it is more than enough for you, and more than enough for me. Here is where we find our comfort, no matter how much we struggled to believe it. There it is, the love of God who welcomes the prodigal son, there He is, our Lord Jesus Christ, who finds the lost sheep and carries them home.

And for some of us, this is the hardest thing to learn. I count myself as one of them. The best thing, the simplest and the most wonderful thing, is the hardest. It is so easy for us to stare at our own sin, to place it on a pedestal, and in a warped sense worship it, as if it had all the power over God and Christ. We take that burden on us, again and again, and every time we break under the weight because we simply cannot carry that weight - which was placed on Christ who suffered on our behalf. The struggle of faith, for me, has been strange. At first, the struggle was with sin, always looking inward into myself. I find nothing good there, and by staring at my failures I always make things worse, but I didn't know what else to do but to look for a switch that didn't exist, something mechanical on my part, some act of goodness of heart that could turn God to love me again. It didn't help me at all, as I am anxious and fearful by nature, and feelings are always my worst enemy. Then, the struggle was with believing in God's love, grace and sacrifice and care for me. It always sounded too good to be true, because I had operated under unhealthy, destructive fear most of my life and I took that fear to be reality. Then, after I got over that, it was time to go inward again - and even if I wasn't staring at my sin that much or disbelieving His grace, I was desperately trying to calculate if my faith was real enough, sincere and strong enough. In a sense, I was looking at my own supposed power or righteousness of faith, instead of His. I don't want to look at the strength with which I grasp Christ, as it will always be weaker than I'd like, but at Christ who is able and willing to hold me. In my struggle to want to be good enough for Him, I often forgot how good He is for me. My own supposed goodness is nothing, His is everything. Mine is fickle and tainted by sin, His is not. This is why He is the foundation, He is the rock, and He is our savior. All that is good is in and through Him, and whatever good I might do even once in my life, it is not me then, it is He who is working through me, and whatever righteousness I might have, it is not mine at all, it is His. Despite of all my shortcomings and sins, I can freely love my neighbor, being thankful for what Christ is to me. When I can't feel it, I decide to believe, I take a stance. No matter how many struggles I will still have, no matter how much fear and despair want to slap me around, He is able to keep me which is far more than I could ever hope to do myself.

You clearly have an honest heart. That is great. You're not even making any excuses. You don't know it, but you're repenting, even if you feel like you can't do that properly. But it's not about the spectacle, it's not about the amount or lack of tears, not even about your performance or ability, it's about turning of the heart which you are going through. You're turning to Him, and He is pulling you. If you feel like you're not enough for Him, keep in mind that He is enough for you. He was always everything good to you first, and He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If some things in and around us fall down into rubble, God is very able to build something lasting in their place. Seems like He's not only able, but extremely at home while doing it. There are many blessings in store for brothers and sisters like you, because everyone who has been absolutely disappointed in themselves, will not want to easily judge their neighbor. If we are broken, we will not only see others who are broken as well, but also have compassion and mercy towards them. If we are brought down, we will want to lift up as God works His will in us.

Blessed are the poor in spirit. No fear, Jesus Christ died for you.
 
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Thank you, I just see no hope whatsoever for me, it seems like I'm walking in darkness. I have also tried to take advantage of people in the past for my benefit, really bad.

I'm not even sure if I deeply feel guilty otherwise I would be able to repent sincerely and God would forgive me..

I never thought that the heart could numb to a point where it cannot be restored. It is like being a psychopath, heartless.
You can order Neil Anderson's book "The Bondage Breaker" from the Amazon Kindle store. This can give you real insight into how you could be brought into bondage, making it difficult to pray and maintain your faith. The list of things to consider and renounce is at the back of the book, and it is quite comprehensive and would cover every single thing that could have introduced a contrary spirit which is hindering your prayers and your faith.
 
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Dear brother or sister, this is not about how good you can be for Christ, it's about how good Christ is to you

I'm a sister. I thank you for your very interesting post, I will read it again thoroughly and ask you questions later if I have some if you will, I recognized myself in some of the things you said.
 
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You can order Neil Anderson's book "The Bondage Breaker" from the Amazon Kindle store. This can give you real insight into how you could be brought into bondage, making it difficult to pray and maintain your faith. The list of things to consider and renounce is at the back of the book, and it is quite comprehensive and would cover every single thing that could have introduced a contrary spirit which is hindering your prayers and your faith.
Thank you für den Tipp
 
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Jeshu

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I never thought that the heart could numb to a point where it cannot be restored. It is like being a psychopath, heartless.

Please be careful sister making such conclusions about yourself, if you have faith in Jesus then you are God's precious child His beloved, not a psychopath.

i relate to not feeling my emotions, for i can't feel love as an emotion either, neither guilt or shame, haven't for years, but i can still know love. i can know God is love. i can know what is right or wrong even though my emotions cannot make me feel anything about that, doesn't mean i don't care or i will just use or abuse someone without caring about that. It still has to do with choice.

We can choose good, and lovely, and serve Him, even if our hearts can't emotionally participate, spiritually we can. i think that this is really important in the whole battle for the faith. Believing the truth build the truth into you, the same as believing lies builds the lies into you. So i held onto Scriptures truths and made them my own, i advise you to do the same. Regardless of your emotions agree or not.

i reckon the wicked stole our good life, but they can't keep on doing that in Christ, He brings us His good life anyhow and that is all important.

Peace.
 
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Justasking123

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i relate to not feeling my emotions, for i can't feel love as an emotion either, neither guilt or shame, haven't for years, but i can still know love.

Thank you for your advice, would you mind telling me how the lost of feelings happened? Because it really bothers me..
 
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Jeshu

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Thank you for your advice, would you mind telling me how the lost of feelings happened? Because it really bothers me..

i lost my emotional feelings after a major psychosis 24 years ago. So in my experience it is caused by mental illness. i have searched high and low for something that would medicate it but found nothing would bring my emotions back.

i mourned my emotions for many years and it brought me major depression, not until i met Christ in my life again did i perk up and have been able to survive this otherwise empty existence.

This is why i encourage you to build God's loving truth into you, for His love is better than life.

Anhedonia (No Feelings): How I Overcame it Naturally
 
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"You can buy two sparrows for only a copper coin, yet not even one sparrow falls from its nest without the knowledge of your Father. Aren’t you worth much more to God than many sparrows? So don’t worry. For your Father cares deeply about even the smallest detail of your life.' Matt 10:29-30

"But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." Luk 12

Jesus said 'I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me." John 17:23

Urge you to memorize these or write them on cards for frequent reference.
 
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I loved sin since I was born my conscience was not important as long as people liked me, I would only want to appear clean and fill my desires.

God wanted to give me His hand and guide me to life but I ignored it, I didn't realise the treasure it was..

Now I do but am too far gone: numb, godless, hypocrite, in the dark, not able to repent, lawless, depressed, black, fearing the worst possible torments, seeing the world go under, despair, heartless, unfaithful, vessel of wrath, restless...

I wish I could go back and make better choices.
Christ said that He came to save the lost, He also said a healthy man doesn't need a Doctor.
I'm sure your not as bad as some of those people Jesus saved while He was on the earth. He saved some who were possessed with thousands of Demons, so it shows that nothing is too hard for Him and nobody is beyond redemption unless they blaspheme the Holy Spirit.
The Devil wants you to believe that you've gone too far, and that you can't be saved. That is a lie from the pit of hell, God takes pleasure in saving murderers and severely depraved sexual perverts and all kinds of sinners.
God will completely renew and restore everyone who believes and trusts in Christ, for the forgiveness of their sins.
The fact that you admit that you're a sinner in great need of redemption, shows that God is working in your life. God never fails to finish the work He starts, so you can take comfort in that truth.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone, is for God to turn His back to them and leave them in their sin. If that happens, then that person has no hope and is condemned to eternal torment in hell fire.
 
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Dear brother or sister, this is not about how good you can be for Christ, it's about how good Christ is to you. He is not our savior because of what we can do for Him first, He is our savior because of what He did and does for us. We go to Him as we are, no other way to do it, and often we wander off, but He is faithful. This is where we start to have faith, to really grasp Him, instead of trying to somehow force Him to love us by constantly looking at ourselves and our condition to the point of utter despair. He loved us first, it is His nature, it continues to be His nature and we did nothing to deserve it, quite the opposite. It's not about a switch we should find in the darkness, that if we could just turn it, God would love us again. There is no switch, His love is already here, manifested in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, who died and rose for you.

I believe it to be a blessed thing when we come to the end of ourselves. We don't feel like it's a blessing, because after all we see our fallen nature better, and it feels like we're trapped in some dark abyss with no ability to climb out of it. But don't let it scare you any further, don't give in to despair, because all of this should prune you out of self-reliance, and to rely on Him for all good things. Some of us just have to experience our utter inability and see it for what it is. All of it, our sin, our hardened heart, our fallen nature. To see it can really bring one down, when it ceases to be just words and becomes reality. It's a hard thing for us to learn, but to God none of this is a surprise. He always knew this, He knows it now, He knows you better than you do and that is why we have Christ.

When we are broken to the point where we realize that we can't even be broken properly, because even in being broken we realize that we'd like to be more sincere with our sorrow, we really need the light of Gospel and Jesus Christ. Instead of looking inward, it's time to look outward now. Time to let the love in you don't really know how to believe in right now. Do not look at the strength of your faith, as weak as it might be, look at the One your faith is reaching to grasp. He will do it, His Spirit will finish the work that was started. Even this, your current repentance (which you probably won't count as real repentance, although it is) is His work. His work in you isn't there to drive you away or to destroy you, it is there to take you, to keep you, to root you into Him.

Do not think that "it is too late", do not listen to the voice of despair no matter how hard it rages. Or do you think you can judge God's heart towards you through your own warped lens? Despair has nothing on you. It can scare you, it can bring you down, it can make itself to seem like the only reality, but it has no right or claim for you. Nothing is too late. God lowered Himself for us, came here as a man, and was crucified. The cross of Christ will meet your case. His righteousness will meet your unrighteousness, because it is for you. It's not for Him, He didn't need the cross for Himself, but we absolutely do. He knows what we are, and all the while knowing this, He gave Himself for us, God for the ungodly. Not only was His death for us, His resurrection was for us too. There is no love greater than this, and it is more than enough for you, and more than enough for me. Here is where we find our comfort, no matter how much we struggled to believe it. There it is, the love of God who welcomes the prodigal son, there He is, our Lord Jesus Christ, who finds the lost sheep and carries them home.

And for some of us, this is the hardest thing to learn. I count myself as one of them. The best thing, the simplest and the most wonderful thing, is the hardest. It is so easy for us to stare at our own sin, to place it on a pedestal, and in a warped sense worship it, as if it had all the power over God and Christ. We take that burden on us, again and again, and every time we break under the weight because we simply cannot carry that weight - which was placed on Christ who suffered on our behalf. The struggle of faith, for me, has been strange. At first, the struggle was with sin, always looking inward into myself. I find nothing good there, and by staring at my failures I always make things worse, but I didn't know what else to do but to look for a switch that didn't exist, something mechanical on my part, some act of goodness of heart that could turn God to love me again. It didn't help me at all, as I am anxious and fearful by nature, and feelings are always my worst enemy. Then, the struggle was with believing in God's love, grace and sacrifice and care for me. It always sounded too good to be true, because I had operated under unhealthy, destructive fear most of my life and I took that fear to be reality. Then, after I got over that, it was time to go inward again - and even if I wasn't staring at my sin that much or disbelieving His grace, I was desperately trying to calculate if my faith was real enough, sincere and strong enough. In a sense, I was looking at my own supposed power or righteousness of faith, instead of His. I don't want to look at the strength with which I grasp Christ, as it will always be weaker than I'd like, but at Christ who is able and willing to hold me. In my struggle to want to be good enough for Him, I often forgot how good He is for me. My own supposed goodness is nothing, His is everything. Mine is fickle and tainted by sin, His is not. This is why He is the foundation, He is the rock, and He is our savior. All that is good is in and through Him, and whatever good I might do even once in my life, it is not me then, it is He who is working through me, and whatever righteousness I might have, it is not mine at all, it is His. Despite of all my shortcomings and sins, I can freely love my neighbor, being thankful for what Christ is to me. When I can't feel it, I decide to believe, I take a stance. No matter how many struggles I will still have, no matter how much fear and despair want to slap me around, He is able to keep me which is far more than I could ever hope to do myself.

You clearly have an honest heart. That is great. You're not even making any excuses. You don't know it, but you're repenting, even if you feel like you can't do that properly. But it's not about the spectacle, it's not about the amount or lack of tears, not even about your performance or ability, it's about turning of the heart which you are going through. You're turning to Him, and He is pulling you. If you feel like you're not enough for Him, keep in mind that He is enough for you. He was always everything good to you first, and He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If some things in and around us fall down into rubble, God is very able to build something lasting in their place. Seems like He's not only able, but extremely at home while doing it. There are many blessings in store for brothers and sisters like you, because everyone who has been absolutely disappointed in themselves, will not want to easily judge their neighbor. If we are broken, we will not only see others who are broken as well, but also have compassion and mercy towards them. If we are brought down, we will want to lift up as God works His will in us.

Blessed are the poor in spirit. No fear, Jesus Christ died for you.
 
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Justasking123

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nobody is beyond redemption unless they blaspheme the Holy Spirit.

I am worried I did exactly this because I rejected God's call and I also rejected help of other Christians. When I realized it was too late and I should have listened my heart was hard and I wasn't able to truly repent since then because I do not have a heart for God..
The worst thing that can happen to anyone, is for God to turn His back to them and leave them in their sin. If that happens, then that person has no hope and is condemned to eternal torment in hell fire.

I think this has happened to me it is like there is no direction, no point in life anymore because each day I'm closer to eternal death and I cannot do anything against it anymore..
 
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I think this has happened to me it is like there is no direction, no point in life anymore because each day I'm closer to eternal death and I cannot do anything against it anymore..

Please reconsider your position. If you rejected God then you would not fear hell fire like you do. You simply wouldn't care. The Holy Spirit makes us care about the bad we do and warns us to go to Jesus. You are in need of a good overhaul by His love. You are hurting yourself and Jesus a lot denying Him the right to safe you but turning Him into a tyrant who rejects us when we sin.

i pray that you will call on Jesus and believe His word of love. It has nothing to do with feeling to start of with. It has to do with faith. Faith you can have without feeling i have been doing that for the last 24 years. My emotions are dead, but Jesus is very much alive, and He has taught me to love and care for myself as well as others. He can make something good come out of your life. Please don't despair satan is making you despair, to rob you of your salvation through the lies he has been telling you believe the truth - Jesus loves you - do it - believe it and see what you feel when you believe Jesus loves you over against not believing in Christ.

Try having faith instead of despairing it.

Please don't do anything silly.:prayer:
 
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