Open letter to the church from millennial pastor - this is why we are leaving

[Peter J Barban]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

My thoughts are that points 1 and 7 are legitimate issues for the church. The rest of the points signal the attitude of an unbeliever. It is good that the pastor left his ministry because he was not fit for God's work.

Based on the testimony, I doubt that person's eternal favor with God.

 

[Neogaia777]

Looking over this thread and some peoples responses, attitudes, and replies and responses, etc, all I have to say is, "Jesus Christ"...

A lot of you are going to be very surprised just who winds up on who's or which sides of the fences, etc, on Judgement Day, etc...

There is just such a great, great deal of "loving your neighbor as yourself", or "truly Christlike behavior" on or in this thread, that I just hardly know where to begin...?





God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

You people obviously don't care at all about the, or a, or any church, or churches, etc, anyway, "being there", (or still being there, etc), for the young people or some of your own children (as I have children) at all, do you...?

So selfish, so egotistical and proud and arrogant sounding, critical, hateful, spiteful, and critical and arrogant and/or judgmental and/or condemning, etc, and whereas they should not, and have absolutely no right to, etc, but, I guess some things never change though, right...?

A Pharisee is a Pharisee, that either is, or will always be a Pharisee, right...?

Many of you are going to be very, very shocked and/or surprised come Judgement Day...

God Bless!

 

[topher694]

You people obviously don't care at all about the, or a, or any church, or churches, etc, anyway, "being there", (or still being there, etc), for the young people or some of your own children (as I have children) at all, do you...?

So selfish, so egotistical and proud and arrogant sounding, critical, hateful, spiteful, and critical and arrogant and/or judgmental and/or condemning, etc, and whereas they should not, and have absolutely no right to, etc, but, I guess some things never change though, right...?

A Pharisee is a Pharisee, that either is, or will always be a Pharisee, right...?

Many of you are going to be very, very shocked and/or surprised come Judgement Day...

God Bless!

Huh?

 

[Halbhh]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

Glad to see it! Several really good points, along with some less than full reading of the scripture type mistakes like anyone makes early on as they learn more in the bible, though the error in part of point number #3 is especially egregious == God is writing on us, working on us, incrementally, one powerful step at a time, to end slavery forever, and you can see the step by step process begin in the old testament, and accelerate in the new with Philemon, because of Christ

It's a great letter though, getting at a couple of truly serious problems that are harming many churches today so much, and I wish she could visit our church to compare to what she thinks older churches are like -- it would be a pleasant surprise to her possibly!

 

[Neogaia777]

And in case some of you are going to say I was or am/was "taking the Lord's name in vain", I assure I both was and am not, not at all, etc, for I meant it very seriously, "very seriously", and with the utmost seriousness, etc...

I was actually calling upon Him and His name in that, or in those moments, etc...

And I have "older kids" now, that are in the world system, in their late teens to early twenties and are in secular colleges now also, being taught a lot of "humanism", etc, and I will not abandon them to hell, just because some arrogant haughty and (very) selfish, and haughty and arrogant and self- assuming, entirely selfish and self-centered ancient dinosaurs (modern day Pharisees) who are really only truly thinking about themselves only, (anyway) "anyway", that are unwilling to "give that up" and/or grow and/or adapt or change, or adapt to change, etc... And that are unwilling or do "it" or "that" (give that up) (their pride, egotism, arrogance, etc) "for them" (the millennials or next generations), etc...

Anyway, I will not give "them" or "that" up, because of (another) "them" or just "that", etc, OK...? and that is only doing "it or that", because of just "that", etc, OK...

And I really wish some other people were "with me"...

God Bless!

 

[topher694]

And in case some of you are going to say I was or am/was "taking the Lord's name in vain", I assure I both was and am not, not at all, etc, for I meant it very seriously, "very seriously", and with the utmost seriousness, etc...

I was actually calling upon Him and His name in that, or in those moments, etc...

And I have "older kids" now, that are in the world system, in their late teens to early twenties and are in secular colleges now also, being taught a lot of "humanism", etc, and I will not abandon them to hell, just because some arrogant haughty and (very) selfish, and haughty and arrogant and self- assuming, entirely selfish and self-centered ancient dinosaurs (modern day Pharisees) who are really only truly thinking about themselves only, (anyway) anyway, that are unwilling to "give that up" and/or grow and/or adapt or change, or adapt to change, etc... And are unwilling or do "it" or "that" "for them", etc...

Anyway, I will not give "them" or "that" up, because of (another) "them" or just "that", etc, that is only doing "it or that", because of just "that", etc, OK...

And I really wish some other people were "with me"...

God Bless!

I guess today is judgement day

 

[Neogaia777]

I guess today is judgement day

Some us have been judged already, and have already have passed on or over from death to life, already, etc... But then some of us have not yet, because they have never truly died (yet), etc, or been truly born again (yet), etc... but some of us have, etc, and are now experiencing and living in the new life in Christ now, etc, and do not have to be afraid of the judgment to come, etc, or of death when we die, etc... but some of us, or many of us (on here) have never truly not yet, etc...

And if they do not, they will only face judgement "after they die", etc...

And will only live in a perpetual fear and expectation of dreadful judgement now till they die, etc...

As well they should if the constantly resisted the Holy Spirit and refused to die here, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

Some us have been judged already, and have already have passed on or over from death to life, already, etc... But then some of us have not yet, because they have never truly died (yet), etc, or been truly born again (yet), etc... but some of us have, etc, and are now experiencing and living in the new life in Christ now, etc, and do not have to be afraid of the judgment to come, etc, or of death when we die, etc... but some of us, or many of us (on here) have never truly not yet, etc...

And if they do not, they will only face judgement "after they die", etc...

And will only live in a perpetual fear and expectation of dreadful judgement now till they die, etc...

As well they should if the constantly resisted the Holy Spirit and refused to die here, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

And in case you wondering what you need to die to, it is your own pride and ego and egotism, and very selfish, and generally unkind and uncaring and/or unloving ways, once you have done that (the former), etc... (both what you are to die to, and both be or be doing afterwards, etc)...

Anyway,

If you do not ever do that in this life, then you "should be afraid", etc, and be "very afraid", etc...

For you have resisted and fought the Spirit continually throughout this life, etc, if you have not, etc, and have not done any of the works afterwards, etc...

You should be afraid, etc, if that or this is or is not the case, etc, or if any of this applies to you, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

I'm talking to or with Jesus about it and praying for you all right now, but I've also told you (and the Lord and I are also talking about this right now, etc) anyway, I've told you what you need to do, or not do, and it is up to you to do it, or not do it or not, etc...

And I have to watch myself sometimes as well, especially when I get on here to make sure I am both doing it and have done or are doing it as well, etc...

(and we're talking about that too)...

(along with other things also, etc)...

(praying for you and myself and us all, etc)...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

I'm talking to or with Jesus about it and praying for you all right now, but I've also told you (and the Lord and I are also talking about this right now, etc) anyway, I've told you what you need to do, or not do, and it is up to you to do it, or not do it or not, etc...

And I have to watch myself sometimes as well, especially when I get on here to make sure I am both doing it and have done or are doing it as well, etc...

(and we're talking about that too)...

(along with other things also, etc)...

(praying for you and myself and us all, etc)...

Anyway,

God Bless!

Part of a lot of the problems I have in and with most churches today, etc, are so very very many and so much of them, or the people in them, etc, "have not done this ever", etc, and they seem even more proud or arrogant or more egotistical or ego driven (haughty, selfish, self-assuming, etc) than even a lot of people in the great majority of the world are, etc...?

Anyway, that's a number one issue for me, etc...

It's all "backwards", and very "messed up", etc.

When the "instructions" are quite simple and very, very easy to understand, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

Die to "self", and "all forms of self", and I do mean "all forms of self", etc, and then be motivated to love and truly good works, or truly good work, afterward, etc...

How difficult is that to understand...?

Which also means you have to be a truly loving person (kind, caring compassionate, truly understanding, truly forgiving, etc), and if you truly are truly not yet, etc, it means you still have not fully completed step one yet, etc, and may have to go back to that, etc....

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

Die to "self", and "all forms of self", and I do mean "all forms of self", etc, and then be motivated to love and truly good works, or truly good work, afterward, etc...

How difficult is that to understand...?

Which also means you have to be a truly loving person (kind, caring compassionate, truly understanding, truly forgiving, etc), and if you truly are truly not yet, etc, it means you still have not fully completed step one yet, etc, and may have to go back to that, etc....

Anyway,

God Bless!

And just to paraphrase a bit, "No greater love does a man have than this, than or but he who lays down, and/or completely sets aside, "self" for his friends", etc, (or the rest of humanity or humankind, or his fellow man, etc)...

Then he or that one can truly love right, and do and/or be love right, afterwards, etc...

God Bless!

 

[Neogaia777]

And just to paraphrase a bit, "No greater love does a man have than this, than or but he who lays down, and/or completely sets aside, "self" for his friends", etc, (or the rest of humanity or humankind, or his fellow man, etc)...

Then he or that one can truly love right, and do and/or be love right, afterwards, etc...

God Bless!

And, no offense, but some of you, or a lot, lot, lot lot lot, many much more of you, etc, really greatly need a great, great deal of lot more "practice" laying down or setting aside "self" and "yourself", etc, for not only the people you love, but for your fellow man, etc, "whomever they are or may be", etc...

Then be truly motivated to truly love, and truly be love, and truly do a lot more truly loving works, or acts, or good works, etc... Show kindness and peace in all things, etc...

Some of you need a lot more "practice" at this or that, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[GaveMeJoy]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

The fact that this woman is a self proclaimed pastor makes me concerned a great deal for the people who attend her church. It also means she will be held to accountable for false teaching. May God send someone to help them find Jesus, because this person is very lost.

 

[faroukfarouk]

8. I want to sin and live for myself instead of submit to Christ and I don’t want to be part of a religion full of people who disagree with my worldview.

The fact that this woman is a self proclaimed pastor makes me concerned a great deal for the people who attend her church. It also means she will be held to accountable for false teaching. May God send someone to help them find Jesus, because this person is very lost.

So important to stick to the Scriptural order...

 

[LightLoveHope]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you read Pauls letters? The church is a group of sinners, who have been washed and purified and who are trying to learn how to follow.

Gods leaders are those who have learnt the walk, who know what communion with the most High is and can say, follow our example.

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Cor 11:1

For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. 2 Thess 3:7

Sin destroys, it leads to death, not Gods judgement, though that does come, by sin destroys everything it touches. Once you go below the surface of superficial interactions you find a place of anger, bitterness, hatred, envy, strife that fuels sin. Unless that is resolved by Jesus, nothing will work, and eternally it is just fit for the fire.

Many aspire to leadership, to knowing something, which they have never actually learnt or know its realities in their hearts. Little wonder the reason and power of fellowship in Christ passes them by.

Life is Jesus, He is the way, the truth and the life. Finding this is the gate and the narrow path, Amen.

 

[Neogaia777]

I don't know her, and didn't check her links, etc, I just started reading some of the replies and responses to her letter on this thread, that I thought made some very good points, etc, and, well, let's just say not at all what the behavior of a truly loving, and kind caring and compassionate Christian should be like, etc...?

And I am in agreement with some or many of her points about "some churches", etc, and about the next generations, etc, I have experienced and seen the same a lot, etc, and some of the replies and responses to her and it and this letter in this thread, etc, just did nothing but only confirm it, etc...

And maybe made me vent about it a little bit, etc, (sorry)...

Anyway, I'm still looking for a new church, etc, and am trying hard not to give up on it/that, etc...

For me though, it has to be close and within walking or biking distance, etc, which kind of limits my options, etc, and limits my options "a lot", etc...

And I have to brave the elements too also, etc...

Anyway,

God Bless!

 

[LightLoveHope]

The parable of the good samaritan, is all about seeing the need and meeting it.
It does not limit the showing of love, or the failure in the persons life who has needs, it just serves, because a heart of love knows love gives and does not ask for more.

How broken is the world when LGBQT+ becomes a thing, rather than a wonder how intimacy and sexuality can get confused, and sexuality becomes the definer of who someone is and not love sharing from one individual to another. I love people for who they are, not their orientation.

 

[LightLoveHope]

I listened to a testimony of an ex-pastor and his truck driving ex-pastor mates.
Many aspire to pastoring before they have something to give, and find it breaks them because emotionally they have no more answers and insight to the core issues they face.

If you think it is just hug and it gets better, the world with a christian coat will never get anywhere. But I hear in canada there are atheist churches, people who love the community and ceremonies and songs but do not believe the meaning. So little wonder people get confused.