Open letter to the church from millennial pastor - this is why we are leaving

Sparagmos

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That the church is made up of fallible sinners so totally guilty as charged.
Not slot of understanding or compassion shown in that letter or any indication of a willingness to help.

Hell and loving neighbours.
Is there only One way to God or do we all just muddle through?
Because if there is only One way to God, then the standards God has set do matter and we have to live by those standards.

What is really concerning is that the writer is not aware of this last point and as someone who has ministered in several churches it is horrifying to think of the people she has lead astray.
Then address the hypocrisy she describes, which is perhaps the largest reason I left the church. Everyone is publicly holier than thou and secretly sinning. I’m a minister’s daughter and my father led a double life for years. He was abusive and had a inappropriate content addiction. You’re also not addressing the history of the church, always being on the wrong side of moral issues like slavery and women’s rights. The church also participated in horrible antisemetism and looked the other way during the holocaust.
 
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Swan7

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I left the church I grew up in for very similar reasons. My dad and I were led to a different church and that worked out for our spiritual growth. That was while I was in Canada, now I’m in the US and can’t find a group to meet up with who are my husband’s age. It’s either singles or young adults. Hopefully and knowingly, God will lead us where we ought to be.

Some of the comments in this thread are very telling... God will not be mocked: Galatians 6:6-9
:yellowheart:
 
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dzheremi

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General proposition for the thread: the Church doesn't need any of us. We need it.

Is this a true statement or an untrue statement? I suspect that those of us who reject the take of the article in the OP would say it is true, while those of us who accept the article would say it is untrue.

I think it is true, and so I have a very hard time entertaining the sort of thinking that is in the OP, and I will certainly never be giving it a pride of place over the Church and its apostles, disciples, scriptures, councils, synods, Creed, or any of the other things that actually form and inform the Christian life.

But I'm interested in what people who are more receptive to it think. What is your conception of the Christian faith that any of what is in the OP actually sounds like a good thing?
 
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Beanieboy

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Thank you for sharing. These are also the reasons I left the church. I see that people here are embodying some of the reasons right on this thread...

Same.
She offers reasons, a very constructive criticism, that one should at the very least reflect on, and ask oneself - am I being hypocritical? Am I mistreating my neighbor?

The reaction?
Mocking her
Denying all of it
Demanding scripture( for "loving your neighbor," including those who disagree with you? You slready know what they are, I hope.)

At the very least, take it to God in prayer.

A poster here begged me to leave homosexuality. I told her I have spoken to God about it endlessly since i was about 13 or 14, often crying myself to sleep with my prayers. And I still discuss it with Him. We're good.

She insisted I pray again, address Father God of the Christian Faith, Jesus Christ his only begotten son, and The Holy Spirit. Despite being baptized in the HS at 18, she wanted me to believe I was praying to sone false God.

I agreed, but asked if she would also pray and ask for a clearer understandibg on the issue. If she was corrected, she would walk a little closer, and I would be happy for her. If she was correct, it would confirm her walk.

She outright refused. When I explained it was a win-win for her, she still refused, saying, "why should I???"

It's always stuck with me: refusing to pray about something and ask the HS for guidance, insisting you are right. To this day, I still pray about the issue, and I am in my mid 50s. I would never assume that everything I believe is correct, and check in quite often with God. I just kept thinking, "what are you afraid of?"
Asking me to do something she refused to do herself.
Refusing to listen to anyone else's opinion, but demanding the other listen and follow it.

If rejecting loving your neighbor as yourself, then whatever the church is is no longer Christianity, as they no longer follow Christ.
 
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A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

  1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
  2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
  3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
  4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
  5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
  6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
  7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.
In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

I think it is easy to be someone who loves people but hates God and all He represents while believing in Him . It is called humanism with a cloak of religion . In Romans it is stated as "worshipping the creature more than the creator ...it says more ...not instead of . Loving your neighbor is not packing them a nice lunch and filling up their car with gas as they head towards a cliff .
American Christianity demands equal pay for both male and female pastors . Christ says pick up your cross and follow me . Equal pay ? Really ? Pay ? Pay ? No wonder Christianity in America is in the shape it is . We work to be successful ( make money) leaving no time except a day or two of the week to spend time with our Lord , then pay someone to bring us the word of God . The gospel is about God for man ...Not about man for God . Subtle difference but the enemy of the truth is always subtle . The whole world was destroyed once except 8 people . God is a God of love but His love says " Turn around , why will ye perish ? "
Remember this line from Jesus . " Get thee behind me satan , you are a stumbling block . for thou savorist not the things that be of God , but of MAN . Our common enemy is a humanist . Man worship is man worship with or without religious garb . Man centered religion woos the crowd and says God loves you . No turning needed . No repentance . Jesus said , unless you repent , ye shall likewise perish . Why was Jesus so hard ? Because He did actually love His neighbor and they must hear the truth .
 
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com7fy8

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What are your thoughts on this?
There are wrong things that should not be a right.

But there are things which really are wrong with church people.

Jesus could have stayed in Heaven, because of our sin and hypocrisy and foolish ways of justifying what is wrong.

But Jesus is not conceited, is He? He did not welcome excuses to stay away from people.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

The writer is coming out with the same old stuff > the article is not original, and people leaving churches for the writer's reason is not an age or generation related thing. Not everybody is doing it.
 
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GACfan

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The reaction?
Mocking her
Denying all of it
Demanding scripture( for "loving your neighbor," including those who disagree with you? You already know what they are, I hope.)

The examples you listed are the normal reactions whenever the ill-behavior of Christians is pointed out and these reactions usually include name-calling and derogatory remarks too. If a Christian resorts to derogatory name-calling because they don't agree with or like another person, then that's a stumbling block and it could tarnish their witness. I don't think it's surprising that people are leaving the Church.
 
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GACfan

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{snip}I see that people here are embodying some of the reasons right on this thread...

I agree.

Then address the hypocrisy she describes, which is perhaps the largest reason I left the church. Everyone is publicly holier than thou and secretly sinning. I’m a minister’s daughter and my father led a double life for years. He was abusive and had a inappropriate content addiction. You’re also not addressing the history of the church, always being on the wrong side of moral issues like slavery and women’s rights. The church also participated in horrible antisemetism and looked the other way during the holocaust.

Christians are responsible for their personal behavior and for their personal witness. Christians are also responsible for how they treat other people who are different than they are. Does the unloving behavior of a Christian toward another person they don't like not matter? People can either be drawn to Jesus Christ or pushed away from Him by how they are treated by Christians. Christians can be a blessing or they can be stumbling block. Sadly, the latter seems to be the norm these days.
 
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thecolorsblend

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Same.
She offers reasons, a very constructive criticism, that one should at the very least reflect on, and ask oneself - am I being hypocritical? Am I mistreating my neighbor?

The reaction?
Mocking her
Denying all of it
Demanding scripture( for "loving your neighbor," including those who disagree with you? You slready know what they are, I hope.)

At the very least, take it to God in prayer.

A poster here begged me to leave homosexuality. I told her I have spoken to God about it endlessly since i was about 13 or 14, often crying myself to sleep with my prayers. And I still discuss it with Him. We're good.

She insisted I pray again, address Father God of the Christian Faith, Jesus Christ his only begotten son, and The Holy Spirit. Despite being baptized in the HS at 18, she wanted me to believe I was praying to sone false God.

I agreed, but asked if she would also pray and ask for a clearer understandibg on the issue. If she was corrected, she would walk a little closer, and I would be happy for her. If she was correct, it would confirm her walk.

She outright refused. When I explained it was a win-win for her, she still refused, saying, "why should I???"

It's always stuck with me: refusing to pray about something and ask the HS for guidance, insisting you are right. To this day, I still pray about the issue, and I am in my mid 50s. I would never assume that everything I believe is correct, and check in quite often with God. I just kept thinking, "what are you afraid of?"
Asking me to do something she refused to do herself.
Refusing to listen to anyone else's opinion, but demanding the other listen and follow it.

If rejecting loving your neighbor as yourself, then whatever the church is is no longer Christianity, as they no longer follow Christ.
Do you just not read very much counter-Christian thought? Literally everything quoted in the OP has been said by "former Christians" for decades. Welcoming, hypocrisy, the young people, something something LGBT, rearrange the order of her grievances and you've got the same essential bones as hundreds (or thousands) of other similar articles online.

Hypocrisy? Welcome to real life! Everybody's a hypocrite sooner or later. It's not like Christians are breathing rarefied air there.

LGBT? Golly, the mainstream Christian community opposes anything that's not heterosexual just like they did back in ancient Rome. Stop the presses!

I won't even bother with the rest of that woman's sub-zero take. If this is all truly new content for you... well, do what the rest of us did: wait a while. It'll get pretty old pretty quick, I think.
 
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dzheremi

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So much hand-wringing about hypocrisy, as though they're the first to ever deal with it, and obviously the best answer is to leave. Does no one here know St. Moses the Black? Or is it just easier to pretend like the church started when you got there?

When a brother committed a fault and Moses was invited to a meeting to discuss an appropriate penance, Moses refused to attend. When he was again called to the meeting, Moses took a leaking jug filled with water and carried it on his shoulder. When he arrived at the meeting place, the others asked why he was carrying the jug. He replied, "My sins run out behind me and I do not see them, but today I am coming to judge the errors of another." On hearing this, the assembled brothers forgave the erring monk.
This is how the Church deals with hypocrisy within its ranks. If your particular congregation isn't doing that, it's something to work towards, not run away from.


 
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renniks

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This sounds like warmed over Rachel Held Evens slag that has been falling away from the faith for years now. But she doesn't just want to apostatize; she is looking for company and gets upset because people are beating a path to her website. Therefore this letter. I for one am glad she is no longer leading a church or in any kind of ministry.
Kinda like a new Rob Bell? I can't keep up.
 
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A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

  1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
  2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
  3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
  4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
  5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
  6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
  7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.
In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

We don't have the option of keeping our faith but leaving the church. If she is in the faith, she is in the church.

And if she refuses to participate, she is this guy:

Matthew 25:25 (NKJV)
And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’
 
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While I agree with a lot of the sentiments in her letter I don’t agree that church should be diverse for diversity sake. Christianity is an exclusive faith (believe in the Lord Jesus is the only means of salvation) and inclusive (the gospel for everyone who believes). I also, don’t like the idea of church accepting certain ideas just because secular society is endorsing it. It’s one of the reasons I so admire the Catholic Church, they aren’t perfect but they are so traditional in places that matter.
 
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Christ is Lord

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We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.

We can’t disagree with scripture just because we don’t like it. It’s a tough question to deal with but it doesn’t mean it’s not true.
 
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Christ is Lord

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From the comment section in her post.

A496F5A9-0BBC-4EC5-B60A-61CAFF104DBC.jpeg
 
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Sketcher

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We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
I hate hypocrisy too, I've seen it and been on the receiving end of ill treatment from it. There are people in the church that have serious problems. I would like to hear her solution to those problems in these people's lives.

We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
OK, she's a liberal, I get it. I'm not going to beat the "is gay marriage really marriage" dead horse, but I really don't see where the right for non-Christian faiths to practice their faiths publicly was an issue that has been voted on in my adult life.

We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
OK, but she said she was a pastor. Surely the church that let her be a pastor wasn't holding on to these ideas. I don't see how leaving such a church which probably shares her liberal beliefs and biases makes sense.

We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve
A gay brother in my men's group serves along with us.

We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position.
The church that allowed her to pastor wasn't liberal enough for her? Is that it?

The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
This seems to ignore a lot of churches pastored and primarily populated by "people of color." They do exist. Integration takes work and results in hard conversations, but it happens as well.

We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
As someone who has relatives who did not actively follow Jesus in their lives who have passed on, in very questionable circumstances, I do not take this lightly. A year before one of them died, I tried unsuccessfully to talk about faith with her boyfriend. He was killed a couple of months later, I still think about that. I would encourage anyone who is willing to leave the church over its teaching on Hell to talk to somebody like me, who has a heart about it. And as people get older, and experience more people that they know dying, I think there's more people to talk to than she seems to give the church credit for.

We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
Can she believe that a conservative believer can and will acknowledge context, and people, and stories, and complexity, and still have conservative stances?

We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong.
If I were to express a conservative belief around her or even better, her and several of her other liberal friends, can I do so without being quickly told why I am wrong? This isn't the case with my liberal cousin and her friends. And she and I are tired of fighting!

We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”.
Yeah, that ain't right. I'm glad my men's group isn't like that.

I'd like for her to come to my church. We're more conservative than she would like, but more inclusive and loving than she seems to give the church credit for. And that might be a revelation to her.
 
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topher694

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There are scripture references, but they’re negative.

One measure of maturity is comfort with hypocrisy.
Yeah, your right. But I'd call it a few very vague scripture implications. Regardless what I was referring to, as you suggest, is scripture to support her decision, not vague references to attack the church. I mean an open letter condemning the church, which ignores the document that actually contains its foundational tenants seems kinda silly.
 
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