What is missing in my life

[mkdrive2]

Since about 15 years ago, I did not have anyone I would call a friend. There was no one I could joke around with, or talk to about things that interest me.

Today, I was thinking really hard today I was feeling no joy in life. I think the reason is because I am alone and have nobody to talk to. I think it would not even matter who I talk to. It would probably not even need to be someone I am close with. I would really like to talk with someone about something. It would not even matter whether it is in person or on the Internet.

I have three pen pals I got to know over an Internet pen pal search site. We exchange messages with each other every few days. But for some reason I don't enjoy the communication that much. I think it is because I am afraid that at some point we won't have anything to talk to each other anymore. I am constantly afraid.

I wonder if you would have any advice for me. Where could I talk to people? Should I look for more pen pals? Should I look for an Internet forum where I can discuss things?

 

[Steve97]

The internet...as well as other contemporary technology...cannot fully satisfy our need to interact with fellow human beings. You never know who you are "talking" too...even here. Concentrate on meeting people face to face and having one to one interactions. Work, church and other social activities are a good place to start.

 

[mkdrive2]

Concentrate on meeting people face to face and having one to one interactions. Work, church and other social activities are a good place to start.

That is easier said than done. I am not that good with people in real life. I hardly ever get to talk to people, even when I go to social gatherings.

Also, what about times when all places are closed, when I am alone at home. I want to communicate with people, but there is no one present.

 

[Steve97]

That is easier said than done. I am not that good with people in real life. I hardly ever get to talk to people, even when I go to social gatherings.

Also, what about times when all places are closed, when I am alone at home. I want to communicate with people, but there is no one present.

When you are alone then social forums on line are fine. Just remember that you do not truly KNOW who you are talking to. You state that you are not that good with people in real life. Is there a reason for this? Fear, shyness, low self esteem can all play apart in this.

 

[bèlla]

One of the best ways to meet people is through shared interests. How do you spend your free time? Do you have hobbies or topics you’re passionate about? Connecting with others through these subjects provides a starting point for discourse.

~Bella

 

[Chesterton]

I have three pen pals I got to know over an Internet pen pal search site. We exchange messages with each other every few days. But for some reason I don't enjoy the communication that much. I think it is because I am afraid that at some point we won't have anything to talk to each other anymore. I am constantly afraid.

What kinds of things do you talk about with your pen pals?

 

[mkdrive2]

You state that you are not that good with people in real life. Is there a reason for this? Fear, shyness, low self esteem can all play apart in this.

I have been telling myself that I am not good with people in real life, and have been avoiding social gatherings recently. It is true that I never make any friends. It seems impossible for me to make friends. But I think I am wrong about not being good with people in real life. I can and do talk to people when I want to. However, I noticed that I never create any bonds with people. I never get closer to them. That is definitely a fact. You could ask me the reason for this. If I knew I would have done something about it.

Do you have hobbies or topics you’re passionate about?

Right now I am only interested in my self therapy. How I can get out of feeling empty. How to behave well so that I do not only feel good now, but also in the future. I don't think any other person has the problems I have. Even if they had the same problems, they would not do what I am doing. Nobody is interested in what I am interested in.

What kinds of things do you talk about with your pen pals?

With two people I went from talking about specific topics to only talking about events that happen in our lives. With one person I still talk about some other topics than what happens in our lives, religious topics for example. But I suspect that eventually I will talk about events in our lives with all of them. This is not good, because my life is really not exciting at all. Not much to talk about.

 

[Steve97]

Talking on line and with pen pals is safe...no personal interaction like eye contact.

 

[Chesterton]

With two people I went from talking about specific topics to only talking about events that happen in our lives. With one person I still talk about some other topics than what happens in our lives, religious topics for example. But I suspect that eventually I will talk about events in our lives with all of them.

Yes, that's probably not good. There's an old quote to the effect that there are three things to talk about: people, events, and ideas. May sound snobby, but the higher thing to want to talk about is ideas. But you can't just start talking about ideas with someone you haven't bonded with, or haven't instantly "clicked" with. So out of all the people in the world, you've recently talked with just a few you haven't clicked with. Keep trying. I'll talk with you if you want.

This is not good, because my life is really not exciting at all. Not much to talk about.

Don't worry about that. An exciting life is usually not a good life.

 

[bèlla]

If the lone thing you focus on is yourself you become the central topic after awhile. That’s fine when you’ve developed a bond and know each other well. My best friend and I have a 75/25 spilt. The majority is centered on our lives. But that’s intentional.

Whereas my discourse with a great conversationalist I met on the site is 95/5. The majority of our discussions centered around faith, interests, goals, and what we’re working on.

You may appreciate a book I read on friendships. It was directed to men and is very good. They addressed it from a Christian perspective. The title is Seven Friendships Every Man Needs.

7 Godly Friendships

• A godly mentor to disciple you: Paul
• A solid peer to encourage you: Barnabas
• A best friend to uphold you: Jonathan
• A courageous brother to confront you: Nathan
• A faithful disciple to follow you: Timothy
• A lost seeker to hear you: Zacchaeus
• A gracious Savior to befriend you: Jesus

~Bella

 

[Olly Vie]

Hello mkdrive2, am sorry to hear that you have not being lucky with friends for a while. I can understand how you are feeling. When most people see me, and they say that am not sociable and very quiet as well. But my family and few close friends says am just a parrot. It depends on who am with. I also use not to be good at making friends, but it took me a while and am making progress. Church is one of the first place I go to fellowship with others. This forum is also a good place to chat but will also encourage you to find a way to make long lasting relationship that you can talk with. Making trustworthy friends take time. You do try and error till you find who you can trust. Until you try you may never know will be there for you. You may have some few disappointments here and there but at least you may get one or two who will stick by you. When you meet someone, you would like to have a conversation with you can start with just a compliment or talk about the weather. You can also call a friend just to say am calling you to check on you or send a text message. Then you can take it from there.

Pen pals are not a bad idea, but you may never know who exactly you have been writing to. Just be careful because some people have been scammed on the internet by bad people. I know there are good people out there too. I have ever made a friend with someone through internet. Wishing you all the best. Sending love and hugs your way. You can always send a message when you need to chat.

 

[mkdrive2]

You may appreciate a book I read on friendships. It was directed to men and is very good. They addressed it from a Christian perspective. The title is Seven Friendships Every Man Needs.

Thank you for the book recommendation. I ordered the book. I hope I get to read it.

 

[bèlla]

Thank you for the book recommendation. I ordered the book. I hope I get to read it.

You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy it. I was really blessed by his words.

~Bella

 

[Joined2krist]

I will suggest you volunteer a few hours a week of your time helping needy people. You can opt for a homeless shelter, elderly homes, Sunday school etc. You will meet lits of people and make friends in the process.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Prayer and the Scriptures daily are so important and will transform a person's life. The Bible's central theme is the Person and Work of the Lord Jesus Christ.