- Dec 18, 2019
- 3
- 1
- 44
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Seeking advice.
I have been married only 3 years (almost 4), together for 7. I am seriously considering divorcing my husband. There is a lot to write, but I will try to shorten it as best I can. Long story short, I found out 6 months into our marriage that my husband had cheated on me pretty much our entire relationship. I was absolutely devastated and embarrassed. There were at least three different females that I know of. All of his discretions were prior to the marriage in 2016 with the most recent one being the week before our wedding.
We went to counseling both through the church and outside of church with a more traditional counselor. He briefly went to individual counseling and took classes through the church on entering manhood, growth ect. He basically has tried a great deal to reform himself and do what is necessary to keep the marriage together.
We had a baby last year in 2018. The week prior to me having our baby he went back into old text messages (from 2 years prior) and downloaded naked pictures of two of the girls he had cheated on me with. These were not regular pictures but pictures of vaginas and them naked. He said he did this to “show someone at work.” Obviously this makes no sense at all and created a great deal of pain for me especially being days from having our child. I have no reason to think he actually cheated again at that time, but the fact that he even felt the need to go back through 2 years of messages to download these pictures was enough. The baby came about a week later so this issue was never really dealt with, just put on the back burner.
With the baby being older (she just tuned 12 months) and things settling down for me somewhat, I am just starting to process everything. I am JUST now realizing how much hurt and pain I have been holding in. The problem is I resent him. We are not intimate and I have no desire to be. I initially thought it was fatigue with the new baby, but its not. It’s him, I don’t want him touching me nor do I desire to touch him.
His mother and I do not interact. She did not raise him. She is strung out on crack and a very negative and toxic person. She is erratic, violent, steals, ect. There are many reasons which are too many to list, but I do not allow my baby to have a relationship with her. I made this abundantly clear when the baby arrived. My husband after his mom pulled her last stunt begrudgingly agreed with me. I find out today, he told her I am the one who doesn’t want the baby around her as opposed to US and that he would bring the baby to her next spring.
This is a slap in the face to me and I think I am pretty much exhausted at this point. We have a house and a child, but I don’t feel like we have a marriage. It seems he just does whatever he wants to do with no regards as to how it will affect me. I know some marriages have been able to overcome infidelity, but I truly feel that he has brought nothing but pain and drama into my life and I resent him so much that it borders on actual dislike. I have not spoken to anyone about this, but really need advice, preferably from those who are married. A divorce would be ugly since we own property and have assets and a child to deal with.
I have been married only 3 years (almost 4), together for 7. I am seriously considering divorcing my husband. There is a lot to write, but I will try to shorten it as best I can. Long story short, I found out 6 months into our marriage that my husband had cheated on me pretty much our entire relationship. I was absolutely devastated and embarrassed. There were at least three different females that I know of. All of his discretions were prior to the marriage in 2016 with the most recent one being the week before our wedding.
We went to counseling both through the church and outside of church with a more traditional counselor. He briefly went to individual counseling and took classes through the church on entering manhood, growth ect. He basically has tried a great deal to reform himself and do what is necessary to keep the marriage together.
We had a baby last year in 2018. The week prior to me having our baby he went back into old text messages (from 2 years prior) and downloaded naked pictures of two of the girls he had cheated on me with. These were not regular pictures but pictures of vaginas and them naked. He said he did this to “show someone at work.” Obviously this makes no sense at all and created a great deal of pain for me especially being days from having our child. I have no reason to think he actually cheated again at that time, but the fact that he even felt the need to go back through 2 years of messages to download these pictures was enough. The baby came about a week later so this issue was never really dealt with, just put on the back burner.
With the baby being older (she just tuned 12 months) and things settling down for me somewhat, I am just starting to process everything. I am JUST now realizing how much hurt and pain I have been holding in. The problem is I resent him. We are not intimate and I have no desire to be. I initially thought it was fatigue with the new baby, but its not. It’s him, I don’t want him touching me nor do I desire to touch him.
His mother and I do not interact. She did not raise him. She is strung out on crack and a very negative and toxic person. She is erratic, violent, steals, ect. There are many reasons which are too many to list, but I do not allow my baby to have a relationship with her. I made this abundantly clear when the baby arrived. My husband after his mom pulled her last stunt begrudgingly agreed with me. I find out today, he told her I am the one who doesn’t want the baby around her as opposed to US and that he would bring the baby to her next spring.
This is a slap in the face to me and I think I am pretty much exhausted at this point. We have a house and a child, but I don’t feel like we have a marriage. It seems he just does whatever he wants to do with no regards as to how it will affect me. I know some marriages have been able to overcome infidelity, but I truly feel that he has brought nothing but pain and drama into my life and I resent him so much that it borders on actual dislike. I have not spoken to anyone about this, but really need advice, preferably from those who are married. A divorce would be ugly since we own property and have assets and a child to deal with.