Hello, I'm going to give context to this post so you all can understand my situation more clearly.
I am a seventeen-year-old Christian. I've grown up in the church my entire life, but I turned away from God fully around age twelve. The Lord continued to pursue me, though, and after living a very sinful life, I accepted Jesus back into my life late November last year. Praise the Lord!
I threw all I was into my faith, I go to a Christian reformed school, so my friends were fairly amused when I started babbling about Jesus constantly. I started a prayer group, and I seemed to be producing fruit wherever I stepped foot.
Anyways, late January, I began to feel a pull in my heart towards the Native American community. I had a desire in my heart to work on a reservation in the summer.
I also began to evangelize, the closer I grew to God, the more anxious I was to share his truth. Anyways, on the last day of school, I took a walk around my neighborhood, and I ran into two young teenaged girls, both close to my age. I felt a tug in my heart to talk to them. They actually asked me to sit down, and I was able to share the gospel with them. We talked for a long time, and I ended up bringing them back to my house to feed them. A couple weeks after the initial meeting, we met up again at a coffee shop, and talked for a while. One of the girls ended up mentioning that they were going to volunteer on a Native American reservation that July, and spots were open! I went home and told my parents, they were hesitant at first, but it ended up working out for me to go on the trip. Again, praise the Lord.
The church that we were going with was a very lukewarm Catholic church. They supported gay marriage, and I heard a few of the leaders actually talking about how the Bible contradicts itself. Yikes. So, it was really not a Christian environment at all. On top of that, all of the kids, including the girls I'm friends with whom I love dearly, did not live for Jesus, and most of them didn't even profess faith in Him. I believe there was a young man who genuinely believed in Jesus, but his actions did not reflect that belief at all.
(Yes, I know this is getting long, I will get to the title of this post, bear with me)
I could go on and on about how much I LOVED the Native children on the Rez. I do believe I am called to that community, but I faced such temptation on the Rez, with that group of teenagers, that I am hesitant to go back, due to my flesh, even though the Lord has called me there.
Let me explain more clearly:
At night, us teenagers would go up in the attic and play games. Seems wholesome, right? Nope. The exact opposite. Every single game that was played was incredibly dirty and detestable to God. I protested, but at the same time, I didn't want to detach myself, I didn't want to seem like a "prude." I never agreed with what was said, but I still know I committed a sin by allowing myself to be around such impurity. People were bragging about their sexual endeavors, and getting in graphic detail, and I can never remove those words from my mind. Also, I did fall to peer pressure. There were times questions regarding my sexual past were asked that I didn't want to answer, but I got pressured into answering, and I know God has forgiven me for those answers, but it still hurts me that I chose to hurt him in those moments.
On top of all this, I was really, really really, attracted to one of the boys in the group. Part of the reason I continued to play the games was because he was there. Now, I know this attraction was a little demonic, because everything this boy stood for, I stood against. I have never experienced such intense attraction to someone before. It was vile. I would lie in my bed at night, at times falling into fantasy, which never happens. There was this evil connection that we had, I can only explain it as demonic.
I will probably be going on this trip again this summer, with the same people, and I know I will be tempted, but I know, since I've grown and learned, that I won't fall into the same patterns.
I am still worried though. I hang out with those girls I met to this day, and I believe that my faith has an influence on them, but I too am influenced by them, and everytime I meet with them, I have to be careful to stand firm in my faith. Please pray for me, because I am still so impressionable.
I want to know what I can do to be in community with these people and relate to them, but not let them rub off on me. The Bible says to flee from all sexual immorality, so does that mean I flee from them? Like, for example, with that boy, should I choose to not go on the trip because he is there, and I will be incredibly tempted. I know the Lord will help me resist, but is it worth it to put myself in that vulnerable of a situation again.
Like I said, I believe God has called me to the Native people, so I know he is doing something here, I just want to protect my heart.
Please pray for me!! Comment your prayers too, and I will be praying for you, brethren. Please let me know if you have any thoughts on this topic.
In Christ,
T
I am a seventeen-year-old Christian. I've grown up in the church my entire life, but I turned away from God fully around age twelve. The Lord continued to pursue me, though, and after living a very sinful life, I accepted Jesus back into my life late November last year. Praise the Lord!
I threw all I was into my faith, I go to a Christian reformed school, so my friends were fairly amused when I started babbling about Jesus constantly. I started a prayer group, and I seemed to be producing fruit wherever I stepped foot.
Anyways, late January, I began to feel a pull in my heart towards the Native American community. I had a desire in my heart to work on a reservation in the summer.
I also began to evangelize, the closer I grew to God, the more anxious I was to share his truth. Anyways, on the last day of school, I took a walk around my neighborhood, and I ran into two young teenaged girls, both close to my age. I felt a tug in my heart to talk to them. They actually asked me to sit down, and I was able to share the gospel with them. We talked for a long time, and I ended up bringing them back to my house to feed them. A couple weeks after the initial meeting, we met up again at a coffee shop, and talked for a while. One of the girls ended up mentioning that they were going to volunteer on a Native American reservation that July, and spots were open! I went home and told my parents, they were hesitant at first, but it ended up working out for me to go on the trip. Again, praise the Lord.
The church that we were going with was a very lukewarm Catholic church. They supported gay marriage, and I heard a few of the leaders actually talking about how the Bible contradicts itself. Yikes. So, it was really not a Christian environment at all. On top of that, all of the kids, including the girls I'm friends with whom I love dearly, did not live for Jesus, and most of them didn't even profess faith in Him. I believe there was a young man who genuinely believed in Jesus, but his actions did not reflect that belief at all.
(Yes, I know this is getting long, I will get to the title of this post, bear with me)
I could go on and on about how much I LOVED the Native children on the Rez. I do believe I am called to that community, but I faced such temptation on the Rez, with that group of teenagers, that I am hesitant to go back, due to my flesh, even though the Lord has called me there.
Let me explain more clearly:
At night, us teenagers would go up in the attic and play games. Seems wholesome, right? Nope. The exact opposite. Every single game that was played was incredibly dirty and detestable to God. I protested, but at the same time, I didn't want to detach myself, I didn't want to seem like a "prude." I never agreed with what was said, but I still know I committed a sin by allowing myself to be around such impurity. People were bragging about their sexual endeavors, and getting in graphic detail, and I can never remove those words from my mind. Also, I did fall to peer pressure. There were times questions regarding my sexual past were asked that I didn't want to answer, but I got pressured into answering, and I know God has forgiven me for those answers, but it still hurts me that I chose to hurt him in those moments.
On top of all this, I was really, really really, attracted to one of the boys in the group. Part of the reason I continued to play the games was because he was there. Now, I know this attraction was a little demonic, because everything this boy stood for, I stood against. I have never experienced such intense attraction to someone before. It was vile. I would lie in my bed at night, at times falling into fantasy, which never happens. There was this evil connection that we had, I can only explain it as demonic.
I will probably be going on this trip again this summer, with the same people, and I know I will be tempted, but I know, since I've grown and learned, that I won't fall into the same patterns.
I am still worried though. I hang out with those girls I met to this day, and I believe that my faith has an influence on them, but I too am influenced by them, and everytime I meet with them, I have to be careful to stand firm in my faith. Please pray for me, because I am still so impressionable.
I want to know what I can do to be in community with these people and relate to them, but not let them rub off on me. The Bible says to flee from all sexual immorality, so does that mean I flee from them? Like, for example, with that boy, should I choose to not go on the trip because he is there, and I will be incredibly tempted. I know the Lord will help me resist, but is it worth it to put myself in that vulnerable of a situation again.
Like I said, I believe God has called me to the Native people, so I know he is doing something here, I just want to protect my heart.
Please pray for me!! Comment your prayers too, and I will be praying for you, brethren. Please let me know if you have any thoughts on this topic.
In Christ,
T
