I feel so angry and sick of myself.

[pinkjess]

I can't stand the person I've become.

I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.

I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.

We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.

I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.

 

[miggles]

it might be just a phase. maybe it will go away on its own.

 

[pinkjess]

I

it might be just a phase. maybe it will go away on its own.

I hope so. Thanks

 

[Call me Nic]

For me, the biggest thing that helps is knowing that God's mercies are renewed every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). After that, it's the intent of heart that matters. You must sincerely ask yourself if you're desiring to live the way God calls you to live; and, if not, what is it that you must put aside, cease from doing, or step forward in obedience to do.

I'm a hypocrite for telling you this because I don't even fully do this myself. However, I believe it to be the truth. God will continue to forgive you if you sincerely confess your sins, but there is a point in which you must decide to begin forsaking them and following the guidance of the Spirit, assuming that he dwells within you.

God bless, and remember, pray, pray, and pray some more.

 

[ajcarey]

Thoroughly confess to the Lord wherever you went wrong and whatever you did wrong with a surrender to soberly heed His Word this time and avoid going down a bad path again. He wants to have mercy on you, redeem you out of this, and set your feet upon a rock. Trust both the promises and warnings of His Word. This doesn't need to destroy you if you'll do that going forward.

"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy." (Proverbs 28:13)

Psalm 130: "Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord. 2 Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. 3 If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? 4 But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. 5 I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. 6 My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. 7 Let Israel hope in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption. 8 And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

 

[pinkjess]

For me, the biggest thing that helps is knowing that God's mercies are renewed every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). After that, it's the intent of heart that matters. You must sincerely ask yourself if you're desiring to live the way God calls you to live; and, if not, what is it that you must put aside, cease from doing, or step forward in obedience to do.

I'm a hypocrite for telling you this because I don't even fully do this myself. However, I believe it to be the truth. God will continue to forgive you if you sincerely confess your sins, but there is a point in which you must decide to begin forsaking them and following the guidance of the Spirit, assuming that he dwells within you.

God bless, and remember, pray, pray, and pray some more.

Thank you

 

[pinkjess]

Thoroughly confess to the Lord wherever you went wrong and whatever you did wrong with a surrender to soberly heed His Word this time and avoid going down a bad path again. He wants to have mercy on you, redeem you out of this, and set your feet upon a rock. Trust both the promises and warnings of His Word. This doesn't need to destroy you if you'll do that going forward.

"He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy." (Proverbs 28:13)

Psalm 130: "Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord. 2 Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. 3 If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? 4 But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. 5 I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. 6 My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. 7 Let Israel hope in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption. 8 And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

Thank you

 

[Aussie Pete]

I can't stand the person I've become.

I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.

I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.

We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.

I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.

Come back to the cross. See Jesus dying for you. YOU. Yes, you! With all your faults and failures. See yourself dying on that cross with Him. See yourself in Christ. God included you in Christ when you believed. That means that you rose from the dead with Lord Jesus also. You are a new creation in Christ.
You are not your thoughts or your feelings. You are exactly what God made you to be. Everything else is a lie from the pit. Quit worrying about yourself. Start thanking God for the great salvation that He purchased for you with the death of His Son. Remember this: when God forgives, He forgets. The prodigal son did not get the third degree when he came home. The father in that parable just welcomed his boy home, as if he had come back from the dead.
You will never, on your own, be what God wants you to be. God knows that. That is why he kills us. Then He gives us new life in Christ. Let the Lord Jesus live in place of you. How? I don't know. I just ask Him, meaning it, and He does it. I don't worry about myself any more and I do not rake over the coals of my many failures and sins. If God forgives me, why should I not forgive myself?
There is a wonderful teaching on my website that helps enormously with forgiveness. PM me and I'll give you the URL.

 

[gym_class_hero]

Jess we are all flawed people. The good news is the Bible shows God uses flawed people all the time to accomplish His will. That's one way I know the Bible is true. If it was a made up tale, there'd be a bunch of perfect people documented there. If you believe the Bible is true, then you have to accept what God says about confessing and forsaking our sin.

1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

 

[Sam91]

God forgave David for committing adultery with Bathsheba and then purposefully having her husband killed in battle to hide the pregnancy. The child didn't survive but David and Bathsheba were blessed with Solomon after a time.

Jesus said the to many 'Go and sin no more' and 'Get up and walk'. Hope this helps.

 

[Susu H]

Dear sister,

I have few questions for you. You do not have to answer me.

Do you think that desire to have a husband and kids is a sin? If so, why do you think so? The Bible says that God created a woman to be "an help meet" for a man. Throughout the Bible you see, that it is God-given place for women to create a home. He created everything very well. It is precious, how He created us.

Are you angry at yourself because you broke God's Word or because you broke your own standards? Man-made standards are called religion. Religion kills. But you are called to follow Jesus. "For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God." (1John 3:20-21)

I do not know, if the man you knew is a Christian or not. Even if he was, I do not know, if he is a good husband for you. But aren't "she at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1Cor 7:39)?

 

[Dave G.]

I can't stand the person I've become.

I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.

I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.

We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.

I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.

Think about the foolishness of this whole thing ( and I don't mean that mockingly but that there is another spirit behind it), what spirit do you think is behind that ( hint, it's probably not God) ? You have yourself in a tizzy over some guy you've never even met, a virtual love affair where your imagination has you married, I assume having imaginary sex and obviously having imaginary kids. There is nothing concrete in this at all.

Why not start here. Get off the site or virtual means this stuff manifests from, Put that aside and pick up your bible, let it speak to you. You're playing in a fantasy where you're spiritual enemy makes the rules then you suffer the consequences.

When things of this world, and the powers there of get stronger than our desire to be with and know God, the answer is clear isn't it ? Back away from them and embrace God and the known good things of God.

 

[xBladesx]

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.

The Lord may not like what you did, but He still loves you the same and wants you to come back home.
Just like with the prodigal son The Lord is waiting for you to come back to Him with open arms
You just need to ask Him for forgiveness and accept His love and grace

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

The Lord will not only forgive you and love you back in, he will wash your sins away like you've never even done it

Hebrews 8:12
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

After that you do something incredibly hard. You forgive yourself
Pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and let The Holy Spirit help you and guide your steps again

Never forget no matter what you're still precious to Him

 

[pinkjess]

Think about the foolishness of this whole thing ( and I don't mean that mockingly but that there is another spirit behind it), what spirit do you think is behind that ( hint, it's probably not God) ? You have yourself in a tizzy over some guy you've never even met, a virtual love affair where your imagination has you married, I assume having imaginary sex and obviously having imaginary kids. There is nothing concrete in this at all.

Why not start here. Get off the site or virtual means this stuff manifests from, Put that aside and pick up your bible, let it speak to you. You're playing in a fantasy where you're spiritual enemy makes the rules then you suffer the consequences.

When things of this world, and the powers there of get stronger than our desire to be with and know God, the answer is clear isn't it ? Back away from them and embrace God and the known good things of God.

Thank you. I blocked him and do not talk to him anymore.

 

[paul1149]

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal?

Focus on God, and on the completed work of Christ on your behalf. Focusing on your own failings will only drag you down and keep you in the pit. But as you focus on God's love for you you will be comforted, healed, and empowered.

You can see this at the end of Romans 7, going into chapter 8. Paul is obsessed with overcoming his sin, but only gets pulled down deeper. But in Ch. 8 he discovers that the grace of God, completely independent of his worthiness, has lifted him up above the maelstrom.

Php 3 and 4 might help too. They're about putting the past behind you and pressing forward, and filling yourself with praises to protect your heart and mind.

God promises to use everything for good, so hold onto that when it hurts or doesn't make sense. In time you will see it all come to pass.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I can't stand the person I've become.

I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.

I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.

We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.

I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.

How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.

With time your confidence will grow. I believe that God understands our weakness. Remember the story of the Prodigal son, the son chose to go into a life style of sin, yet the father rejoiced when he made his way back. You will probably stumble on your way back, don't expect to just be the perfect Christian immediately, you can't shut off all of the emotions in one day.

I remember looking back to my earlier life, I had a relationship break up and mess. I would walk around the room saying "God you have good plans for me", then in hurt and desperation fall into some sin latter in the day, just due to the emotional pressure. Eventually through God's mercy, and trying to go in His direction, I made it out of the mess. I am now happily married to another person, and life is good. But at that time my life was a nightmare being lived.

God can bring you out to a place of blessing that you right now can not see due to the fog.

 

[jsimms615]

sorry it didn't work out for you. God forgave us as believers of all of sins past, present and future at the cross. it isn't a matter of God not being willing to love and forgive and accept you. Your messing up didn't surprise him. Just know your sins whatever they are are paid for by his blood and move on

 

[pinkjess]

With time your confidence will grow. I believe that God understands our weakness. Remember the story of the Prodigal son, the son chose to go into a life style of sin, yet the father rejoiced when he made his way back. You will probably stumble on your way back, don't expect to just be the perfect Christian immediately, you can't shut off all of the emotions in one day.

I remember looking back to my earlier life, I had a relationship break up and mess. I would walk around the room saying "God you have good plans for me", then in hurt and desperation fall into some sin latter in the day, just due to the emotional pressure. Eventually through God's mercy, and trying to go in His direction, I made it out of the mess. I am now happily married to another person, and life is good. But at that time my life was a nightmare being lived.

God can bring you out to a place of blessing that you right now can not see due to the fog.

I needed this. Thank you.

 

[Heavenhome]

Hello Jess you have been given a lot of sound biblical advice so I can't really add too much more.
The fact that you were troubled by what God thought is good because you are being drawn back to Him.
Rest assured His arms are open to embrace you as soon as you repented, so go forward with that.
You won't always feel as wretched and as you draw closer to God you will find His perfect love and peace filling you.

There is even more temptation than before with the on line world, which in many cases is kind of a fantasy rather than reality.

Every relationship that you consider must firstly hinge on the person being Christian before you go any further.

 

[Notmyname]

I’ve been in the same situation, time is the only thing that will heal you’re heart.

For me the gut wrenching pain only lasted about 2 weeks or less, still was difficult after that but much easier. Block all contact and Just keep busy and you’ll slowly forget about it or at least not care.

Don’t dwell in you’re misery or by listening to sad or depressing music ect because I can guarantee you it’ll just make you’re pain worse. Just know that you can only connect the dots looking backwards, in a few years time you’ll be over you’re breakup and probably grateful for God’s protection.

You’re probably not going to listen to what I have to say because I probably wouldn’t have done the same, but as I said you can only connect the dots when you’re looking back.