I can't stand the person I've become.
I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.
I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.
We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.
I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.
How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.
I used to be close to God, happy and free to be who I was without worrying about what others thought of me. I didn't struggle with lust or sin. At least not the way I do now.
I was in a relationship with a guy I met online and loved very much. We never got to meet but our friendship got me through a lot of hard times. Sadly I fell into lust and sinned a lot. I found myself wanting to marry him and have kids with him, desires that are out of character for me and made me very uncomfortable. I fought it off for a while until I let go and tried to accept it but I fell in too deep and before I knew it my feelings overcame me. I was knee-deep in sin of the worst kind. I have disappointed God so many times it makes me ill to think about.
We called it off last week. I was doing fine and excited to move forward until he texted me explaining why it had to end. I didn't reply but I was flooded with all my old feelings for him again. I started longing for him and wishing we could have met etc.
I binge eat often and I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. There's a lot of stress going on in my life and this put the icing on the cake. I wish I didn't have feelings and I wish I would have never got involved with this person. He awakened feelings in me I never knew I could feel and I can't move on from it. I feel horrible and like I have let God down. I know He's upset with me. I just want to hide. My anxiety has been so bad lately. I'm jumpy and feel like people are staring at me in public.
How do I get back to who God wants me to be? How do I move on fully from this ordeal? I'm in pieces. I'm a mess.