- May 13, 2019
- 3
- 7
- 45
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
I'm graciously asking for advice on a struggle that I can't seem to shake.
The background...
My wife and I serve as volunteer ministry leaders in a church of about 200. We've been at the church for about 5 yrs. Our pastor started this church about 10 years ago. The pastor and I are fairly close, talking/texting a few times a week.
About a month ago at a small group (with our pastor present) my wife shared that she was struggling with some career ambiguity/satisfaction, the idea of getting older, and some hopes and dreams not coming to fruition. She communicated in such a way that it didn't come across as emotionally-charged, excessively heavy or emergent. More like, "This is what's on my heart right now."
Last week, my wife received a text message from our pastor which read, "Hey, let's get together, just the two of us, I want to know whats on your heart. "
She shard the text with me and we discussed at depth. Candidly, I was surprised that he engaged 1:1, the playful context of the message, and that he didn't give me a heads up since we are so close.
We ultimately agreed that the intent was likely positive but the approach was somewhat off. Since it was a single incident we chalked it up to a bad choice and decided to cover it in grace and move on. He and I interacted Sunday as normal and my wife tried to respectfully steer clear as to not get in a conversation that could take him off his game him right before service.
Yesterday she received another text of a similar nature. I confess that I am now feeling protective and a little hurt that there has been no mention of his interaction with her to me even though we've had many conversations since. I still believe his intentions are good but I am confused and struggling with this adverse approach to what seems to be commonly accepted practices of healthy ministry relationships and appropriate male-female interactions.
At this point I believe we have to engage somehow but I want to do that respectfully and in a manner that protects my wife, the pastor, the church and the ministry.
The questions...
I know with a degree of certainty that other pastors whom I'm connected with or have served with in the past would not put themselves in such a position with another female, even with the best of intentions. I confess that I am more conservative on this matter and understand that there are other approaches. Even in the ministry we steward, I disciple the men 1:1 and she disciples the women 1:1. In instances where there is a need we attempt to meet it together. I can personally say that I have never approached a female to meet 1:1 and do my best to not open doors that could lead to those situations.
1. Am I being oversensitive, overly-conservative, jealous, or obstructive?
2. How should pastors (and other ministers) appropriately minister to opposite genders in the church or ensure that their spiritual development needs are being met?
The background...
My wife and I serve as volunteer ministry leaders in a church of about 200. We've been at the church for about 5 yrs. Our pastor started this church about 10 years ago. The pastor and I are fairly close, talking/texting a few times a week.
About a month ago at a small group (with our pastor present) my wife shared that she was struggling with some career ambiguity/satisfaction, the idea of getting older, and some hopes and dreams not coming to fruition. She communicated in such a way that it didn't come across as emotionally-charged, excessively heavy or emergent. More like, "This is what's on my heart right now."
Last week, my wife received a text message from our pastor which read, "Hey, let's get together, just the two of us, I want to know whats on your heart. "
She shard the text with me and we discussed at depth. Candidly, I was surprised that he engaged 1:1, the playful context of the message, and that he didn't give me a heads up since we are so close.
We ultimately agreed that the intent was likely positive but the approach was somewhat off. Since it was a single incident we chalked it up to a bad choice and decided to cover it in grace and move on. He and I interacted Sunday as normal and my wife tried to respectfully steer clear as to not get in a conversation that could take him off his game him right before service.
Yesterday she received another text of a similar nature. I confess that I am now feeling protective and a little hurt that there has been no mention of his interaction with her to me even though we've had many conversations since. I still believe his intentions are good but I am confused and struggling with this adverse approach to what seems to be commonly accepted practices of healthy ministry relationships and appropriate male-female interactions.
At this point I believe we have to engage somehow but I want to do that respectfully and in a manner that protects my wife, the pastor, the church and the ministry.
The questions...
I know with a degree of certainty that other pastors whom I'm connected with or have served with in the past would not put themselves in such a position with another female, even with the best of intentions. I confess that I am more conservative on this matter and understand that there are other approaches. Even in the ministry we steward, I disciple the men 1:1 and she disciples the women 1:1. In instances where there is a need we attempt to meet it together. I can personally say that I have never approached a female to meet 1:1 and do my best to not open doors that could lead to those situations.
1. Am I being oversensitive, overly-conservative, jealous, or obstructive?
2. How should pastors (and other ministers) appropriately minister to opposite genders in the church or ensure that their spiritual development needs are being met?