I met jesus in a dream on my judgement day. I was groveling at his feet, then in a moment was looking at him in the eye and I saw and understood everything more importantly I felt that eternal love for a moment, then was cast into hell. Hell wasn't hell because of fire. Hell was hell because there was no God. and all of creation was consumed by the absence of God which I call hell fire because the reaction to this was like being burned. not hot, but the guttural animal instinct of being consumed by a unstoppable force. The worst the body in this life can compare is being burned or consumed by fire. then x10. One measure of peace was i knew I was rightfully judged and this allowed me to lie down and accept my fate rather than fight it as fighting it made it worse. what would haunt me forever was an eternity in this verses the love knowledge contentment and peace found in God... the idea of if I had only known... If I had only know would haunt me forever (as I did not know any better at the time) Then I felt the tiny threads holding my sanity together coming apart. meaning even if I was to be in hell in one form or another forever God in his mercy allowed hell to consume my consciousness being it was being burned up and what was going to be left was this animalistic husk that I would be free from even if freed by my second death. This admittedly was only a dream as I went to bed and woke up (albeit in wet sheets/must have tried to put out the hell fire someone or another) and I woke up in the same spot. life changed forever.
What did Jesus look like? small framed man short black curly hair crazy blue magic eyes that peirced me saw my works and deeds, and I for a moment in them got to feel the love of God and understand everything in a glancing moment. a planted a feeling I long to go back to.
a few years later in the waking world, my dad and I had it out. and kicked me and my sister out of the house (that i was paying for) and few days later went to my uncles to try and get him to mediate out a deal.
so just befor his house was a little texaco gas station from the high road you could see the whole parking lot which was empty (thought the station might be closed as it was just getting dark on a very cold winter Friday/just got paid.) So I pulled in for a coke and a mountain dew to bring to my uncle. open my car/truck ranchero door and stood a very very tall black man wearing dirty jeans a beanie and a army jacket with a duffle type of bag, and cut out finger gloves..
So again I pulled into a empty parking lot and put the car in part turned off the key open the door and was in the personal space of a crazy big black man. He said I'm just out of jail (thought to my self strike two) and I need a ride across town to my so in so's house before my parole officer calls or they will take me back to jail.
I said let me go and get some drinks out of the store going to my uncles he is expecting me. So went in and separated out two dollars and put it in my left pocket because when you help someone like this my experience is they still always ask for money and I did not want to pull out my whole pay wad of cash. So paid got out and went back tot he truck/car and he started to climb in the back and i said it was way too cold for him. I told him the heater was not the best but it would keep us warmer than windows down. so I started the car and backed out he said his name I told him mine and he said...
"We don't have much time (something to that effect) I am what you might call or understand to be a fortune teller.. Can I share with you what I know? and I'm like yeah sure (think oh lord help me) so he starts out with absolutely everything that is going on between me and my dad, and my uncle (by name).. Gets your attention right?
I was almost in tears not having said a word except my name and yeah sure. as we driving he tell me right left ect, but all the while telling of my past every major prayer every major event in my life. what God has done how he has answered them and how he will in the future. about 2/3 of the way there I THOUGHT to myself this guy must be my guardian angel and he stopped mid sentence looked at me and said yeah, I'm something like that. Then he starts telling me about my future. my love interests and opportunities I would have, but would pass on a girl which to me at that time for that girl there was absolutely no way.. but when that very same scenario played out, a few years later in the exact way it was described, and by faith I passed on her. (nother story completely) but in the end this guy predicted my life down all the major events to the point where two things have yet to happen but I see the ground work going in. He made a few other points without me saying a total of 5 words the entire ride out loud..
Then just like that he said pull over to this other gas station, i pulled just far enough in to do a u-turn, he got out, got his bag out of the back and said oh, by the way you got a dollar or 2 because you know, we always ask... he winked at me said see you around I did a 3 second uturn and dude vanished just like he showed up.