my grandpa passed away in 2015 but it feels like yesterday. Because he was killed, I never got to say goodbye. I miss him so very much but I take comfort in the fact he was a true Christian and is with The Lord now. He passed away in October and was sick a year before in September then November was his birthday. I would cling so tight when I hugged him and just took in every moment I had with him, he was like a second father to me. He and my grandma lived with us so he wasn’t a distant grandparent. This time of year I get really bad, I miss him the whole year but especially the fall triggers terrible memories of the day he died and funeral planning. I believe this is what causes my panic attacks out of nowhere. So many bad mental images, 2 weeks after my grandpa died my dog that I have had since a kid died. It was a double whammy then a little over a year later my uncle died. I am so traumatized by death I often wonder who’s next, I believe i have PTSD from all these horrific events especially since I was so present when they occurred. I have been so depressed and full of anxiety lately thank you so much for your time in reading this I appreciate any advice and prayers. I know Jesus hears us . Love you all merci