Long distance relationships?

[SingularityOne]

How many of you met your wife and were in a long distance relationship? Does it work?

 

[joshua 1 9]

How many of you met your wife and were in a long distance relationship? Does it work?

My wife and I started off as pen pals and she did not use a computer at the time so we actually used the snail mail. The telephone was expensive at the time, around a dollar a min. I do not know how well our marriage has worked out because she is from a different culture. But we are still married after 22 years.

 

[SingularityOne]

My wife and I started off as pen pals and she did not use a computer at the time so we actually used the snail mail. The telephone was expensive at the time, around a dollar a min. I do not know how well our marriage has worked out because she is from a different culture. But we are still married after 22 years.

Being married for 22 years shows it’s been working well from what I’m seeing in our culture. Thanks for letting me know about your experience.

 

[Aussie Pete]

How many of you met your wife and were in a long distance relationship? Does it work?

I have no personal experience but I was moderator of an on-line chat channel for single Christians. It worked really well for some, a disaster for others. One young man came from the USA to meet the girl of his dreams. She was nothing like her online persona. He was devastated and also furious. From my experience, it is essential to avoid emotional entanglement if you have not met the person. It may sound unromantic, and it is. But if you want a relationship that works, you need to know the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with. Mark Gungor has some great advice on relationships, dating and marriage. He's one of the funniest people on the planet as a bonus.

 

[buzuxi02]

They can work but dont set a high bar. Go into it expecting warts, odd mannerisms and personality trait clashes which photos, Skype and telephone conversations cant convey.
I have a cousin who married a girl from Australia from a dating site. Married like 10 years now. I actually was in a long distance relationship which didnt pan out. It wasnt a nightmare nor was there anything out of the ordinary as we met and spent time together. But I just didnt think our personalities would have meshed well in the long run.

 

[bèlla]

I’ve had successful long distance relationships that moved beyond this realm. My number one question if we don’t reside in the same location is who’s moving? Since I’m location independent that’s usually me and must be a place I’m willing to relocate to. There are many relationships undertaken without this consideration and it often causes pain for both if a move isn’t possible.

My second question is verifying his singleness. If the person only speaks on a forum. Never exchanges email. Or only has daytime availability but doesn’t work at night. I will wonder if he’s married or lives with someone. Unfortunately both are commonplace. Appearance is usually cleared with this one.

The last consideration is can they afford it? Long distance relationships require frequent travel. Will his budget support it or will meetings be less frequent? If you’re going to another state you’ll need accommodations too. That adds up fast.

If I can satisfy these three I’ll develop an acquaintance to determine compatibility. But I cover the others first to alleviate surprises.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Met my wife long distance.....me in California, she in the Philippines. Just celebrated our 20th anniversary....

How many of you met your wife and were in a long distance relationship? Does it work?

 

[Anhelyna]

Only 20 years ????

My husband and I were a mere 400 miles apart from each other for most of our pre-marriage years . We got together occasionally during that time - him in his student room and me in a local hotel.

Our marriage lasted 44 years

 

[Lost4words]

I had a long distance relationship once.

I used to go out with the cuty across the street! Didnt last long though as she was always taken out for her walk just as i got back from mine!

 

[ArmyMatt]

I met my now wife just before I left for basic training. before we were married we were always at least a time zone apart, and that includes a deployment to Afghanistan.

yes, they can work.

 

[All4Christ]

My husband was 2.5 hours away...for the beginning of our relationship it was mainly just phone calls, though after awhile every other weekend I went to his home and the other weekend he drove to stay here. We actually stayed at our familys’ houses. It was tough at times (especially since it was 8 years!), but worth it. I was glad, however, that we could see each other some during our relationship. We will be having our 5 year anniversary in October.

 

[SingularityOne]

Thanks everyone for their responses. It seems that they can work if both people are down for the relationship and want to make it work. The reason I ask is because I met a girl at Church this weekend and there are always a small amount of young adults that I’ve found myself attracted to (being a young adult myself) and they are from a different state and were just visiting. So we exchanged contact info and have been chatting back and forth and am trying to figure out how to court in a way that is gradual, but in an Orthodox manner (idk if that even exists in our western world, but that’s what I’m thinking) since the dating pool is so small, lol.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I’m generation X. 20 years for my generation is nothing short of miraculous! And living as far apart as we were plus all the x-factors!

Only 20 years ????

My husband and I were a mere 400 miles apart from each other for most of our pre-marriage years . We got together occasionally during that time - him in his student room and me in a local hotel.

Our marriage lasted 44 years

 

[~Anastasia~]

Thanks everyone for their responses. It seems that they can work if both people are down for the relationship and want to make it work. The reason I ask is because I met a girl at Church this weekend and there are always a small amount of young adults that I’ve found myself attracted to (being a young adult myself) and they are from a different state and were just visiting. So we exchanged contact info and have been chatting back and forth and am trying to figure out how to court in a way that is gradual, but in an Orthodox manner (idk if that even exists in our western world, but that’s what I’m thinking) since the dating pool is so small, lol.

It can work. (At least as far as getting to know the person and moving forward. I'm not sure I could put a label such as dating, courting, or Orthodox on it.)

It's good that you've already met. As others mentioned that's a BIG one. I've seen too often people fall in love with their "idea" of a person, and there are many blanks to be filled in when you haven't actually met. We tend to fill them in an idealized way and then are often disappointed with the reality. And that's when people are presenting themselves honestly - there are of course deceivers out there too.

It would be good to get creative with your interactions. There are phone, video chat, messaging, and email of course. I'm also reminded of things like social areas of different kinds of games (not just "gaming" like PS but also things like pool, chess, and pictionary). If that's fun for both of you. Perhaps listening to a podcast or reading a book together and discussing? Or any kind of scheduled online meeting - maybe a class or discussion group - that might interest you both so you can participate together? Send each other little gifts through the mail. It's not about the cost, but thoughtfulness. And of course try to arrange meeting as possible. Orthodox events you could attend together would probably be ideal, and if cost is a factor, perhaps local host families can be found for each of you. And so on and so on ...

 

[bèlla]

I heartily second everything @~Anastasia~ wrote. One of the benefits of long distance dating is it sharpens your creativity! There’s so much to explore. Enjoy yourself.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

As my kids get older, I find myself thinking I'd be infinitely happier if they were having a long-distance relationship with a person from an Orthodox country than the people in this country. 9 out of 10 people I meet, there's no way I'd endorse them as suitors for my daughter or gals good enough for my boys. The quality of people here in the Western world has dropped below the basement imho. Long distance is fine by me! I met my wife in a crazy way, long distance, worked. If my sons met a Greek, Bulgarian, Russian, Serbian girl, whatever, I'd pay the airfare rather than have them date the girls at my son's high school! LOL