My sister hates me now. Am I a monster?

[HoneyBee]

Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

 

[Davidnic]

There was nothing you could do but tell the truth. I pray for you because I know it's hard. But you're not a monster. What is monstrous is the sinful spiral the world has fallen into away from God.

If your sister is to be saved from that fall, your courage in telling the truth might make the difference in the long run.

 

[Tone]

Be blessed good sister, you did it out of love and He is Faithful to Provide the increase! Deep down, I'm certain that your sister knows that it is all in love and I believe it is a great witness to her. I pray that Abba Yah bless both of you greatly and that you come together as Holy sisters, in Messiah. Amen.

 

[Hazelelponi]

All anyone can do is speak the truth. People have a biological gender at birth, you don't pick it, it picks you. That is science, that is fact.

Your not a monster to tell the truth, your sister has a given, legal name and is your loved sister and you know her by that name.

I have a nickname that my close family used to call me when i was very young and when I got older I wished then to call me by my full birth name as it was more beautiful to me but by then it was too late they had called me the nickname all my life and they weren't changing...

Prayerfully your sister will realize the truth of your love given a little time and reflection...

And I will pray for both of you, that she will see the truth of her gender given time, and you will have peace in Christ no matter what your sister does.

 

[JohnAshton]

I wonder what Jesus and she would have shared with each other.

God's blessings on you both.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

matthew 10:34-39
luke 14:26-33

it is what it is.

i'll say this though. if you guys do have further interactions, focus less on her life choice and more on the gospel. she's outside the household of faith and needs Christ. as Jesus didn't make a big deal about the woman at the well and her many spouses and focused on the gospel, you do the same. pray for her salvation, not for her to be a girl again, but for her salvation! behavior modification comes afterward.

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

If she cannot find it in herself to respect you enough to let you hold and adhere to your own opinions and convictions then it's her loss.
About feeling like a monster, keep in mind that this is textbook liberals and morally damaged peoples tactics.
They go after your moral character and do their best to make you look like the bad guy.

I'm feeling sorry for you sister, but something's out of our hands and this is one of those things.
Its fascinating how, all of the sudden some people decide to reduce themselves to be just their sexuality. Its best described as voluntary dehumanizing oneself.

Once a person is reduced to their sex, satan has a firm grip on their sinfulness and their habitual sin. It's sad.

 

[PloverWing]

It's probably better to have told the truth than not. The two of you do have a serious point of conflict, but at least the conflict is out in the open now, and perhaps the two of you will be able to reconcile eventually, even if you both end up saying "I disagree with you but I love you anyway."

You say your sibling wants you to use the new name "when my family wasn't around". Does that mean you're the only one in the family that knows about the new name? Are you the first person in the family that your sibling confided in? If so, that makes this extra hard on your sibling. There was an expectation that you would be a safe person to confide in, and thus disappointment when that turned out not to be the case.

There is a broken relationship here, but I've seen broken family relationships heal before, so yours may heal over time as well, if the two of you can come to a point of respecting each other's choices.

 

[JohnAshton]

"If she cannot find it in herself to respect you enough to let you hold and adhere to your own opinions and convictions then it's her loss" applies to the one who wants to counsel as well.

This is a very touchy subject on both sides, and I feel for both people.

 

[Davidnic]

MOD HAT

This thread has been cleaned. Please remember this is not a place to debate about or promote transgenderism. Please keep your posts to uplifting and advice.

MOD HAT

 

[ChicanaRose]

I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

If you spoke the truth gently and lovingly, that's okay. But it's also okay not to have further conversations with her about this and just refer to this conversation whenever she brings up the topic. You can say, "We have already talked about this and my position is the same." That is, until her heart is open to hear. Let's pray for that.

 

[paul1149]

I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

It's the scandal of the Gospel. We don't have liberty to tell people it's ok to do whatever they want. We have an objective moral grid that we judge things by, and there's nothing that's going to change that. All we can do is speak the truth in love, with a gentle spirit a la Gal 6.1, and then it's in the Lord's hands.

But remember, He promises that His word shall not return void. Hold onto that as you persevere going forward. Sometimes God's ways take time to work themselves out - quite often, in fact. So keep assuring yourself in God, and pray for her, so you can keep a positive attitude toward her. Subconsciously, she may be aware of subtle signs like that, pointing to a deeper spiritual reality than what she is involved in. She might even looking for them.

You did well. Rest in the Lord and let your peace return to you.

 

[ajcarey]

You are definitely not a monster. You told her what is certainly the truth and your manner of it doing it was as respectful and considerate as possible in light of the serious nature of the topic. You see in Acts 17 how it was the enemies of the Apostles who accused them of turning the world upside down. In fact, their faithful Bible preaching was working towards turning the world back where it ought to be. The gospel message is about reconciling man to God, not God to man- and there is a universe of difference there. The gospel message upholds God's Law and insists people submit to its moral requirements as a necessary aspect of faith in Jesus Christ. "They that forsake the law praise the wicked: but such as keep the law contend with them." (Proverbs 28:4) You would in fact actually have been a monster as well as a coward if you had in any way affirmed your sister in her wickedness. Your bravery for what's right is encouraging.

Going forward, if and when someone says something that is contrary to you or to your own preference, remember today and take it to heart in that moment that the one who said what you don't like doesn't necessarily hate you- but they would also not necessarily be right either. Do then what your sister ought to be doing now: Honestly consider what the Bible says related to the matter and fall down on your face honestly before God to evaluate what you've heard with the willingness to, as much as necessary, take the pain and discomfort of changing and conforming to what God's Word says on the matter. There is no one beyond having to be cut by the sword of God's Word in order to be faithful to walk in truth and do the will of God that they might inherit heaven. The Lord is a refiner's fire and He is out to burn the dross out of us and make us an eternal treasure fit to share His glory. This requires our diligent cooperation if it is to happen. You have definitely taken a step in the right direction, so be sure not to go back on this.

 

[JohnAshton]

You are not a monster and your sister is not a monster, either.

 

[Redwingfan9]

Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

It's your duty to stand for the truth of scripture. If that bothers the world, so be it. You did nothing wrong here. You are under no obligation to go along with someone's sinful delusions. She is not and never will be a man. She will never have XY chromosomes. Don't feel bad about any of this.

 

[LoricaLady]

Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

It sounds like you were gentle and respectful, even loving, in how you responded to your sister. Not always, but sometimes when people want to gender bend and give themselves names to match that, they can turn into bullies who insist you deny biology and play along with them by for one thing calling them by their new name.

It is very sad that your sister is distancing herself from you and not letting you be you. She wants you to let her be her, but she doesn't want you to be allowed to be yourself with your own convictions and sense of reality. Of course it hurts you to be rejected in that way. Perhaps it is temporary.

I would say just continue to show her love when you can. Don't bring up the topic anymore. You have said what you believe. She heard it. That was enough.

I personally would not call her anything other than her actual name, but maybe you can compromise to avoid conflict and call her "Sis". Oh, wait, that is gender specific. So, how about something like "Dear one...Dear....Darlin'..." etc. If you previously had a good relationship she will probably miss you and, maybe grudgingly, come back.

I pray it will work out and that your sister will be saved and that you will eventually have a great relationship.

 

[charsan]

I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

You are not monster for telling the truth

 

[Greengardener]

Proverbs 27 comes to mind, which acknowledges that faithful are the wounds of a friend while the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. You spoke truth and it made a wound, but the Truth will be what sets your sister free. Nothing you've described looks monstrous to me, but it's not a fun position to be in. Naturally she would be disappointed because she wants support to go in the direction of her inclination and doesn't want to deal with facing that it does indeed not set well with thinking people. You have served her by speaking truth and doing it lovingly. Keep that place, keep loving her. May God work in your/her situation and bring the Truth to full fruition.

 

[JackRT]

I pray it will work out and that your sister will be saved and that you will eventually have a great relationship.

In this entire thread nothing has been said to show that his sister is not saved. Actually that is quite beyond the pay grade of any of us.

 

[Sketcher]

You're not a monster. She's not right in the head.

She should have told you in person her problems with it instead of posting it online.