Still grieving. Please pray for me.

[HoneyBee]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am tired. No, actually, I am utterly exhausted.

These past few months I have been noticing a pattern. I seem to be experiencing grief over various things. First it was a non-existent child I had in a nightmare, then it was the fact that I have a hormonal disorder that could make it difficult for me to conceive. Now I'm grieving for unborn children who have been lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion... and, more specifically, I'm grieving for a potentially miscarried or aborted sibling that may have been in my mom's past.

I won't get into the details because I don't wish to cause any traumatic memories for anyone to resurface if they've had any experience with this, but there are distinct memories from my past that suggest that my mother may have had an abortion or a miscarriage. It's bothered me for over a decade now to think about this, so I finally wrote my mother a letter (that's our primary way of contact) and asked her if there was any possibility that she may have had an abortion or miscarriage at some time during her life. I've yet to receive an answer, and it often takes many months for her to get back to me, but in the meantime, I'm still grieving.

I wonder if she will tell the truth, I wonder if I am just crazy, and I wonder if it's alright for me to feel this grief. I don't center my entire world around it, but when I feel this level of grief, I just feel so tired and exhausted. Sleep doesn't help too much, but it's more relaxing than struggling to stay awake and do anything sometimes.

I wonder what is wrong with me. Why do the subjects of grief and death keep popping up for me these days? It's not normal and it hurts.

Please pray for me, that I may get my answer soon and that, if my mom really did lose a child (or children), that we can do our best to start the healing process.

 

[ilovejcsog]

Depression can cause this sort of grief. Have you seen a doctor about this and maybe try an antidepressant. I find when I grieve for little reason and it carries on a antidepressant gets me back on track.
God bless you!
Please see a doctor for their insight

 

[Joined2krist]

I think you need to see a doctor, this doesn't feel normal to me, perhaps you're depressed. Praying for you

 

[Mydreams]

Father God, bless Searching_for_God, and this prayer, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

 

[HoneyBee]

@ilovejcsog @Joined2krist
I forgot to mention this in the original post, but I'm trying to get in contact with my therapist to see if she'll schedule an appointment to see me this week or at least call me. She hasn't gotten back to me just yet, but I at least got the ball rolling. I also have an appointment to see my psychiatrist next week, so that might help. Thank you for the suggestions though.

 

[tturt]

I include playing worship music. Even though I don't sing well. I sing anyway and sometimes loudly.

Praying for you.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am tired. No, actually, I am utterly exhausted.

These past few months I have been noticing a pattern. I seem to be experiencing grief over various things. First it was a non-existent child I had in a nightmare, then it was the fact that I have a hormonal disorder that could make it difficult for me to conceive. Now I'm grieving for unborn children who have been lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion... and, more specifically, I'm grieving for a potentially miscarried or aborted sibling that may have been in my mom's past.

I won't get into the details because I don't wish to cause any traumatic memories for anyone to resurface if they've had any experience with this, but there are distinct memories from my past that suggest that my mother may have had an abortion or a miscarriage. It's bothered me for over a decade now to think about this, so I finally wrote my mother a letter (that's our primary way of contact) and asked her if there was any possibility that she may have had an abortion or miscarriage at some time during her life. I've yet to receive an answer, and it often takes many months for her to get back to me, but in the meantime, I'm still grieving.

I wonder if she will tell the truth, I wonder if I am just crazy, and I wonder if it's alright for me to feel this grief. I don't center my entire world around it, but when I feel this level of grief, I just feel so tired and exhausted. Sleep doesn't help too much, but it's more relaxing than struggling to stay awake and do anything sometimes.

I wonder what is wrong with me. Why do the subjects of grief and death keep popping up for me these days? It's not normal and it hurts.

Please pray for me, that I may get my answer soon and that, if my mom really did lose a child (or children), that we can do our best to start the healing process.

It sounds like dealing with these hormonal issues and the grief of how this may affect your reproductive future might be too much for you emotionally.

Look into seeing a psychiatrist who can prescribe you something helpful for a few months, until you have time to process it all..

When my daughter passed I took buspar for 2 months, my regular physician prescribed it for me with some refills, but I didn't fill all the refills. I just used it until I didn't need it anymore.

Honestly, there is a stigma sometimes attached to taking an antidepressant, but when it's just for a short time to get us through a rough patch (my mom took something when she was going through cancer to address the emotional trauma) it's really not a bad thing, and doesn't mean we are crazy.

But for you, see someone you can talk to, and a psychiatrist who can prescribe you something to help get you through this. It's actually a positive thing, not a bad thing.

I'll definitely add you to my prayer list..

 

[Ann93]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad over your hormonal issues and losses that might have occurred in the past. It's difficult to get a diagnosis that you weren't expecting. I'm glad that you are seeking the help of professionals. They can help you develop coping methods. My mother did lose my sister who was born too early. I always say if she had lived, I probably wouldn't have been born.

 

[ilovejcsog]

@ilovejcsog @Joined2krist
I forgot to mention this in the original post, but I'm trying to get in contact with my therapist to see if she'll schedule an appointment to see me this week or at least call me. She hasn't gotten back to me just yet, but I at least got the ball rolling. I also have an appointment to see my psychiatrist next week, so that might help. Thank you for the suggestions though.

That's great, I think that is a good direction for you. Take care and
Blessings

 

[chaoticjoy3]

@ilovejcsog @Joined2krist
I forgot to mention this in the original post, but I'm trying to get in contact with my therapist to see if she'll schedule an appointment to see me this week or at least call me. She hasn't gotten back to me just yet, but I at least got the ball rolling. I also have an appointment to see my psychiatrist next week, so that might help. Thank you for the suggestions though.

I pray you were able to get in contact with my therapist. Grief and depression can be so difficult to get through without help. I pray that these people are able to work together with you to define a plan that will help you to find the light you so desperately need.