Do you believe this common Christian dating ideology?

[blackribbon]

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".

 

[devin553344]

There are plenty of fish in the sea. No one is made just for anyone else. But some people do better together than others. I don't believe in predestination between mates personally.

 

[Pádraigín Ní Saorlaith]

I think God does know what dating relationships will be healthy for us. There's definitely been times in my life where I've asked God whether I should tell a guy I have feelings for him or whether I should be open to accepting a date from him, and God has said "No". (And, I might add, not long after He says "No", something tends to happen that shows me why pursuing that guy in a dating relationship would not have been healthy, why I'm not ready for a serious relationship, or why the guy and I would be better suited as friends.)

But while I think God cares about who we date and who we marry in that He wants the people in our lives to ultimately draw us closer to Him, I don't think He necessarily has "the one" picked out for every human being.

 

[bèlla]

There is a Jewish concept called a beshert which suggests we each have a soul mate. The idea is most prevalent in the Orthodox community. Many seek a shidduch (matchmaker) for assistance in finding a partner. It’s possible the idea has influenced Christian perspectives. However, most Jews believe that isn’t limited to one person and some feel it’s developed within the marriage.

I am aware of a few testimonies including Derek Prince which discussed the Lord’s role in their spouse selection. I don’t disregard it occurs but oftentimes their mission required someone wholly aligned with God and the work to be done.

It is evident that isn’t the case for most. I believe it’s wise to seek the Lord’s perspective in prayer and take our desire for marriage to Him. But I can’t say our choice is limited to one person nor do I believe we are forced to consider a connection we have no interest in.

At this season in my life I am most concerned about making decisions that align with my spirit and mission. Above all the choice must be one I can honor as the Lord would expect.

 

[Not David]

I believe it is not about the right person, but the right mindset for marriage.

 

[Miles]

To find the right kind of woman for me would require an act of God, but I don't think that's what you're asking. lol

Too many marriages end badly to assume that God will automatically provide us with the woman or man of our dreams.

I agree about the weightiness of post-marriage decisions. Marriage is a beginning, not an end. A starting point, not a finish line. It's a big responsibility, and should be approached as such.

 

[blackribbon]

I think the number of single adults who wish they were married is evidence that we don't all get what we want ... even among Godly Christians.

 

[Monk Brendan]

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".

The only thing you can do is to make YOURSELF into the "right person".

 

[Sketcher]

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".

From the tradition of made-up promises. It was especially amplified when I was in high school and college, when people thought "kissing dating goodbye" was more Christian than dating. Be religious enough while doing nothing directly to seek a spouse (just be friends with the opposite sex), and when you least expect it, God will point her out to you. Then the guy has to pursue her even though he hasn't had practice pursuing.

This of course confines God to guiding people in specific ways which he was not confined to in Scripture, it assumes that he has given our love lives enough priority to guide people in this way, and it doesn't help those of us who are not socially gifted to build romantic relationships with the opposite sex.

 

[Jonaitis]

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

It seems that the ones God "sends" are often rejected by the individual's standards they have already set. If people would be more realistic and put away Disney stories they would find the right person for them.

 

[blackribbon]

It seems that the ones God "sends" are often rejected by the individual's standards they have already set. If people would be more realistic and put away Disney stories they would find the right person for them.

I don't know that I believe that a lot of people are rejecting the one God sent... on what basis are you determining who are the ones that God sent and got rejected?

 

[Jonaitis]

I don't know that I believe that a lot of people are rejecting the one God sent... on what basis are you determining who are the ones that God sent and got rejected?

Well, there are many single individuals who rather hook up with someone they dream about than talk to each other was what I was getting at. I know single Christian men and women in my church who want to look for that one, but I don't understand why they can't just test the waters with each other.

 

[bèlla]

I know single Christian men and women in my church who want to look for that one, but I don't understand why they can't just test the waters with each other.

It is impossible for everyone to approach the topic from identical perspectives. There’s a wide degree of difference in our makeup, experiences, and dreams. Faith is one part of the puzzle intertwined with many bits.

Some people are comfortable testing the waters and others prefer a spark before they’ll move. Neither are wrong. The main goal is honoring your commitments. And most people are clear when they’re flaky and solid.

As for rejection, I can’t imagine investing myself in a connection if I don’t meet their needs. If that attribute makes their heart sing that’s great. I won’t attempt to convince him of my suitability or worth. Or ask someone to do the same. We’re better off with someone who sees it.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".

I personally think it's nonsense. There are obviously specific instances of that in Scripture, but I see no basis for asserting it works like that for everyone.

 

[dayhiker]

Since no church that I know of has a matchmaker system ... I say get to know a lot of people of the opposite sex, go on dates and see what its like to spend time with them. And do all the learning about each other that you can and grow the commitment to each other at a comfortable rate.

 

[Elliewaves]

Eh, one one hand it's sorta true. God is in control of everything good brought into your life and knows what you need. On the other hand many singles think they deserve a mythical perfect person for them and never do anything to meet anyone that could be a " right" sort of person for them. They keep holding out for perfect and don't engage in any social opportunities that would get them noticed or help them notice others they could be interested in that would lead to a relationship or eventually marriage. Or they never do anything to make themselves a better fit for a relationship and just believe the perfect person will love them as they are- bad communication skills and all. It's like a Christian guy that is knee deep in inappropriate content but yet keeps holding out that the perfect Christian virgin girl is going to totally dig him and he'll be able to quit once he meets her. or the Christian girl that never works out but when she meets that perfect Christian guy he'll totally love her for her and THEN she'll start taking care of herself.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[Single Life]

It will take a act of God for me to marry yet I believe that God has a special person that he made just for me to marry. I have seen this countless times in others in my life that sometime opposites attract so God knows what He is doing.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Spend time becoming the person that someone would marry.

 

[blackribbon]

It will take a act of God for me to marry yet I believe that God has a special person that he made just for me to marry. I have seen this countless times in others in my life that sometime opposites attract so God knows what He is doing.

Are you okay if you don't marry? Because you have to be open to exploring relationships with men to even get to the point where you marry someone in our society. That means "dating" and dating men whom don't seem to be your ideal. Nobody gets married just sitting at home thinking about some idea. We don't have anyone arranging marriages in most cultures of this country.