Life just does not seem to be working for us...

[Ronald]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

The grass seems greener on the other side - but it isn't. USA is a country that temporarily has a great economy, low unemployment rate - literally a million jobs available with no one willing to work them. ? Trump is trying his best to keep us prosperous and safe. But there is an elephant in the room that is being ignored - $20 trillion debt. Additionally, Obama created and left us with more racial division than we've experiences in 50 years.
The Left is pushing towards a socialist nation. Their agenda is Globalism, redistribution of wealth, to trash our Constitution and dismantle our sovereignty. Listen to Walter Chronkite's speech to the UN addressing this main objective.
You say something has to change?
The world are on the verge of
The Great Tribulation (IMHO).
It could next year or 10 years. Maybe Trump will be elected again and keep us afloat for another 5 years. I don't really think he is capable of making America great again BECAUSE the LEFT is trying so hard to get rid of him by any means. It's ugly. The corruption in the swamp is putrid.

Aside from all that, people claim they are bored because of one thing - they are boring. Don't take offense.
Life is what you make it. You can be content at any level in any place. If you change your location you are not changing your boredom, that goes with you.
It's sounds like a common midlife crisis, a stale lifestyle that you are tired of, same ole stuff day after day.
1.Your kids need you. Are their needs being met?
2. Change your routine.
3. Turn off the TV, get out of the house, get active: ride a bike, play tennis, swim
4. Get active with your church if you aren't. Maybe you lack the Joy of the Lord, the inner peace, His presence, His Grace, all from which you will experience contentment.
5. Rekindle those romantic moments, take a date night out, just the two of you, have fun, meaning, do those fun things you once found pleasure in.
6. If you are depressed, it is probably because you are focusing on yourself. Help somebody, that is the cure, it takes the focus off yourself. After that, help someone else. (Advice given by Scott Peck, a famous Psychoanalyst)

The most successfull, happy people are the givers, the servants. They don't have the attitude: "What's in it for me?" ... or "If I can only have this or move there, I'll be happy."

 

[Rescued One]

Discontent?

Philippians 4
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Acts 17
24 God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; 25 Neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; 26 And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; 27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:

Ephesians 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Seek God's will in all things. How else can anyone find peace?

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

 

[Gideons300]

Do you have a passion to be effective for Jesus in this life?

The last decades are likely to be the most significant.

We under estimate the preparation needed to underpin an effective work for Him.

A strong marriage is a powerful tool that He can use as a foundation for future work.

He told me clearly that I had a 40 year wait before being released into His heart work that I was created for.

Concentrate meantime on a tight, prayerful marriage.

Be expectant and thankful - He doesn't make mistakes.

Carl, I love your heart and the wisdom God has given you.

To the OP, I can empathize with your situation. I am not talking about the Location dilemma, but the repetitive mundaneness that our lives can become.

Is this what God has planned for our lives? Is this "the glorious liberty of the children of God" His Word promises us? Does God overpromise and underdeliver? Are His promises simply nice words of hope but with no practical use in living our our lives?

I say no. We have missed something in our understanding of His gospel. I am in no way saying that the gospel is flawed. I am rather declaring it far more than we have understood.... or even imagined.

In these last days, God is beginning to open our eyes to the truth and when we embrace it and come onto agreement with Him, we will discover that boredom or lack of purpose is the last thing we will think of when describing our walk with the Lord.

And what is that truth of which I have repeatedly spoken of for the past twelve years here on the forum? In short, that we may have accepted with our heads that we died when Christ did. We may have agreed intellectually that we rose with Him to newness of life. We may have theoretically stood on the truth that sin no longer rules our lives, but..... intellect is not faith.

And what is preventing that gift of faith that God has given to each one of us to stop remaining a hard and dry seed buried in our hearts? It is simply that we have not yet come to hate our old carnal man, and instead embarked on a long fruitless endeavor to 'improve ourselves' with God's help of course.

How can we put off one we still see as just needing a bit of sprucing up? It makes faith impossible until we are desperate to finally be freed from the tyranny of our old self loving nature.

But glory to God, dear bored brother in the Lord, we are even now being awakened to who we truly are... who we truly have been ever since the day we were saved. New creatures!

Trust me, when that happens for each one of us who are the elect of God, our days of boredom and lack of purpose will finally... and mercifully.... come to a close. And what will God do to replace it? He will cause us to SHINE!

blessings, my friend

Gideon

 

[Kenny'sID]

It doesn't seem to be that easy my friend. For about a decade I feel that I have just plodded along as best possible whilst being a husband, dad and running my business. I haven't had many interests really. Weightlifting and classic cars is about it for me. I am starting to get involved in a Christian car club, so that is something, but the club seems to be small and not much going on in the way of meet ups. I am trying to put the word out with other Christian classic car owners to get some more interest. Will see what happens with that.
I kind of feel burned out, let down, confused and uncertain about life all at the same time. When you feel like this, it is not always easy to "just do it"... You know?

I see, that almost sounds like depression, and when that hits us, almost nothing works right. However it doesn't seem like a high lever of depression in your case (if it's that at all) but I wonder if it may be worth seeing a doctor?

 

[Loyce KG]

Thanks for your post. I do want to have a God centered, God focused life and I try to live this out in front of my wife, kids and what friends that I have.
I am just feeling burned out with a very uneventful and boring life. It has gone on for a decade now and I am at the point where I am really wondering if this is all there is. The hands of time are ticking and I am mindful that I am not getting any younger. It would be nice to start feeling some zest and enthusiasm for life instead of feeling like I have been sucker punched.
All I feel like I am doing is just running a business (with just me) and that is about it.
Our marriage is strong and our family is strong too, but I just feel like there is nothing happening.

Have you discovered your God-given purpose and calling? Perhaps you'll find out when you go back to the U.S since it's where you've felt more excited about. Take it to God in prayer and speak to your wife about it. A submissive wife will follow her husband when she is certain of his purpose hits like Sarah did with Abraham.

Iam reminded of the story of the Israelites;
Deuteronomy 1:6 "The Lord God spoke to us at Horeb saying, 'YOU HAVE STAYED LONG ENOUGH AT THIS MOUNTAIN. Turn and set your journey and go to the hill country..."

Mountain Horeb was known as the mountain of God (Exodus 3:1). It was at this place that; Moses encountered the Lord God in the burning bush, he received instructions to set the people of God free from captivity in Egypt.
God then declares that when His people have been brought out of Egypt, they shall serve Him on this mountain (Exodus 3:17)
At this mountain, God planted them in, dwelt with them yet their stay was too long that God broke their humdrum existence.
The Israelites became accustomed to the place and experience of the mountain. They were in communion with God yet a little too comfortable while no progress was being made.
The Israelites had given up hope of ever possessing the promised land.
Sometimes as Christians, we get to that place where it's all life as usual but no progress is being made and only you can tell. The feelings of boredom you have are not random. I believe God is stirring up passion in your and a desire to break out of the rut. When He speaks, go forth.

 

[JustRachel]

I have not read all of the replies. Boredom is very common in marriages after so many years. Find some new adventures for yourselves. Be content where God has placed you. I don't feel that the U.S. is so great.

 

[GospelS]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

1. Try dance classes together with you wife.
2. The Book of Songs of Solomon and Revelation are very interesting and important books. Try doing in-depth study of these books by yourself, or together with your wife, friends and family. The more you study the scripture, it just gets more and more inspiring and mind-blowing.
3. True joy, sense of purpose and over-flowing soul satisfaction comes from giving and helping others. You help yourself by helping someone. Try reaching out and helping someone lacking basic needs of life. For ex: Feeding hungry, adopting a child, or just visiting an orphanage and interacting with kids. Read all the bible verses about "giving".
4. Try doing bible puzzles and quizzes. There are lot of healthy games that you can play at home with your wife and family. Become a child again.
5. Ephesians 5:19- Speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord. When Paul and Silas were tortured and put in a jail, they were rejoicing, praying and singing hymns to God -Acts 16:25. We are not in such a severe situation.
6. The King is coming soon. The end of all things is near. This place will get worse everywhere in the world. Cheer up and be excited for He is returning soon. This battle's gonna get tougher for us but great victory is ahead to those who finish the race. Keep running (be active). Be dressed in readiness, take heed, watch, be on alert, keep your lamps lit, equip yourself, be strong and stand firm. You gotta do what you must do. Fight your boredom. You know the parable of 10 virgins. Those five foolish virgins might have also got bored and they got drowsy and began to sleep. Matthew 25:1-13. Mark 13:33-37. Matthew 24:42-43. Luke 12:35-38.
7. If nothing is helping your situation, then fast and cry out before the Lord until He does something and delivers you.

 

[Jude1:3Contendforthefaith]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

I wish that I actually lived in Australia instead of America LOL.

 

[JustRachel]

I fully agree with Jude1:3 except for the fact that Australia has many creepy crawly things besides politicians.

 

[PaulCyp1]

In the United States, there is a wonderful organization called Marriage Encounter, which runs weekends for married couples, where just such problems (which are very common) are addressed, and many couples come home with a new commitment, new appreciation of each other, and a whole new outlook regarding their lives and their marriage. I don't know if it available in Australia. Check it out.

 

[timewerx]

We lived in North Carolina both times. We have traveled all over the US though and I can now say that I have been in all of the lower 48 states. We know the Country pretty well and the South is definitely more hospitable than the North.

Seems that way. We also went to North Carolina often being near to Atlanta and goes before Florida. Overall experience seems to agree with your opinion. It's a great place to be. Now I understand why you miss USA so much!

My wife said she would feel safer in Canada... You know, it's funny... Most Americans we know hate the Canadian health system (socialized medicine and health care), which is what Australia basically has

Yes, it's funny and strange thing to know! Because socialized healthcare helps the poor a lot, isn't that supposed to be a great thing? Socialized healthcare is more Christian because it helps the poor as the Bible keeps saying, we should not deny aid to the poor.

Expensive healthcare on the other hand, denies this service to the poor. Strange thing for someone to hate socialized healthcare unless they are not aware such system helps the poor a lot.

Unfounded fear of communist takeover isn't healthy

Top few countries in the world in terms of quality of life / satisfaction index of its citizens on average have high degree of socialized systems. Some have even managed to eliminate poverty while still basically maintaining capitalist economy. It works.

 

[SteveIndy]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

Yes, I can relate to everything you said, as can others I have come to know. Basically, without all the details, it sounds like you have come to the point of testing and decision making. Life goes along fine with only little bumps in the road, a full tank of gas and money in your pocket. Then the kids grow up, we slow down, hunger for excitement, T.V. is disgusting, and everything just fake, phony, and perverted. We see the end up ahead and wish we could just be alive again.

Well, He has your attention! You want to be alive when He wants you dead. What your soul is crying out for is real life and not the illusion of life that your mind betrays you with. My particular journey found me crying out for HELP! I itemized my Christian life to Him and demanded some kind of answer, why this and why that. My wife and I raised our three girls in Church three times a week, private Christian school, Bible College, and a restrictive lifestyle yet it all came crashing down around me. I laid it all out to Him and He finally answered me, He said very clearly, "You have been teaching your family and yourself how to live, but you never taught them how to die." Then I remembered the words "Pick up your own CROSS and follow Me" and "Unless a seed fall to the ground and DIE it will remain alone." When I committed myself to dying the Lord started showing me things. For starters, I turned my back on two businesses and ended up in Mongolia for six months. I had no access to phones or any way to communicate except I was able to call home on a few occasions. With that show of trust and dying I was rewarded with an amazing new understanding of Scripture, it was like a new book, a revelation of understanding. While I was gone things started changing without my input. After I returned we closed one business and put all of our product in a barn because the Lord had impressed on me not to sell it to a potential buyer. Six months later I did sell it for ten cents on the dollar, another gigantic act of trust. The complete story is too long to detail here but the end result was that we left the commercial Church and started having fellowship in our home. Later I was introduced to Kingdom Christianity, which Protestantism knows very little about, and the Biblical doctrine of non-resistance to evil, separation and non-conformity to the world, and the withdrawal from anything related to politics, the military, or judging our enemies.

That was over ten years ago, life is simple, many new and lovely friends, and a feeling of new life in my bones. The message of Jesus is so much more than I ever realized and completely hid from commercial Christianity, but you have to pass through a death to get to it, but it is so worth the voyage. I do not own a TV anymore but I did watch a movie that was recommended to me; The Matrix. It was an edited version without the foulness but it really resonated with what I had gone through. If you want anymore information you can visit my website www.IndyWatchman.com or email me at sblackwell48@gmail.com. Don't give up brother, the destination is worth the trip.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

We all live in the flesh. Sounds like your flesh is weak like the rest of us. So that being said, your lusting for the USA, which I live in, sounds pretty empty. Most of us in the USA would love to move or have an extend visit to Australia. The point is , without sounding cliche, the grass is always greener on the other side. Make your side even more green.
Blessings

 

[Tony Stark]

Thanks to each and everyone of you for taking the time to respond and share your thoughts. It is greatly appreciated. I plan to sit down with my wife and read through these together and start to consider the road ahead a bit more. I am always keen to hear more thoughts on this, so feel free to keep them coming. I wanted this exercise to be something where we could hear others thoughts and that in turn cause us to look outside the whole situation a bit more. I think this is being achieved in this thread. Thanks!

 

[Tony Stark]

I read through all these posts with my wife and it is good food for thought. Thank you again for taking the time to respond.
Marriage wise, we are very happy and very close. All is good there and we aren't bored with each other.
Effort wise, we have really invested into Church and people here and are feeling burned out from the people just take, take, taking...
I am not sure that we will ever return to the US (as much as I prefer the US lifestyle), so I think it is a matter of making life work here and what that looks like I am not sure yet.

 

[Tony Stark]

Strangely, I seem to have a constant yearning to live in the US and is a yearning that never seems to disappear.

 

[Rescued One]

...3. True joy, sense of purpose and over-flowing soul satisfaction comes from giving and helping others. You help yourself by helping someone. Try reaching out and helping someone lacking basic needs of life. For ex: Feeding hungry, adopting a child, or just visiting an orphanage and interacting with kids. Read all the bible verses about "giving".

....

 

[Joined2krist]

It doesn't seem to be that easy my friend. For about a decade I feel that I have just plodded along as best possible whilst being a husband, dad and running my business. I haven't had many interests really. Weightlifting and classic cars is about it for me. I am starting to get involved in a Christian car club, so that is something, but the club seems to be small and not much going on in the way of meet ups. I am trying to put the word out with other Christian classic car owners to get some more interest. Will see what happens with that.
I kind of feel burned out, let down, confused and uncertain about life all at the same time. When you feel like this, it is not always easy to "just do it"... You know?

If it will take changing your location to make you happier, I suggest you do. But you're not promised paradise in America, you'll face challenges that will test you, this is normal in life. If you're bored as it seems like to me, can you take up a new hobby or learn a new skill? how about getting a challenging job that will enable you meet new people and gain new experiences? learning new languages too can be fun. God bless

 

[Tony Stark]

....

I know the Bible talks about giving, but I think there comes a time where you give and give and give and become so depleted.

 

[Tony Stark]

If it will take changing your location to make you happier, I suggest you do. But you're not promised paradise in America, you'll face challenges that will test you, this is normal in life. If you're bored as it seems like to me, can you take up a new hobby or learn a new skill? how about getting a challenging job that will enable you meet new people and gain new experiences? learning new languages too can be fun. God bless

Thanks and I understand that the USA will not be paradise. We lived in the USA twice and saw plenty of downsides, along with the upsides. For me, the USA just has that something that I yearn for very deep down inside. After nearly 20 years passing since the first time we lived in the USA, that yearning has not gone. I just keep burying the yearning and try to distract myself from it and talk myself into the fact that it is just not possible for us. As it is has been discussed, the wife just does not seem to handle living in the USA, so it is a useless yearning for me to have.
At the moment I am trying to work through starting over and get the show on the road with being here.