Life just does not seem to be working for us...

[Tony Stark]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

 

[Darkhorse]

Why do you think or feel that your lives had more purpose or direction when you lived in the USA?

Obviously, you want to live here and your wife doesn't.

International communication (on the internet) has never been easier or cheaper.

The answer to the USA health system is private health insurance; expensive, but it works.

Our gun laws have served us well for over 200 years. The trend of mass shootings is relatively recent, and is largely overblown by the media.
The great majority of people never come close to being shot.

What's keeping her there?

 

[timewerx]

Her fears of the US health system is reasonable.

Although you can always go back to Australia if you need major work like surgery. A bit inconvenient but doable.

Your American mates (born in USA) probably won't realize how lucky they are. You won't unless you're an immigrant, one of the wonderful perks of being an immigrant. It's paradise, if you move out, lol!

 

[Carl Emerson]

Do you have a passion to be effective for Jesus in this life?

The last decades are likely to be the most significant.

We under estimate the preparation needed to underpin an effective work for Him.

A strong marriage is a powerful tool that He can use as a foundation for future work.

He told me clearly that I had a 40 year wait before being released into His heart work that I was created for.

Concentrate meantime on a tight, prayerful marriage.

Be expectant and thankful - He doesn't make mistakes.

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

Do you have a passion to be effective for Jesus in this life?

The last decades are likely to be the most significant.

We under estimate the preparation needed to underpin an effective work for Him.

A strong marriage is a powerful tool that He can use as a foundation for future work.

He told me clearly that I had a 40 year wait before being released into His heart work that I was created for.

Concentrate meantime on a tight, prayerful marriage.

Be expectant and thankful - He doesn't make mistakes.

Well said!

 

[Kenny'sID]

I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either.

Then do something abut it. Do you have any hobbies or undertakings you are passionate about? How bout the outdoors? I have no idea what it would "look like" either but there has to be something. Try some different, new things, and see what works for you.

Hey, literally get a sailboat and you'll have exactly what is seems like you desire...just add wind.

 

[anna ~ grace]

So, for us, part of settling into marriage has been learning to be happy with tiny, weird things.

Like, coffee dates at the gas station, fire pit nights, a trip to a restaurant, car rides, hanging out together, gardening. Little things.

Life away from normal can be thrilling. And make you feel happy again. But God may or may not be calling you to live elsewhere. We can often mistake feelings / longing for divine prompting.

Try to get back into enjoying fun, little things. Do things together. Hang out when possible. Read the Bible together. In the mean time, ask God to bring you to the States *if it is His active Will*. If not, ask Him to help you enjoy where you are at now.

 

[paul1149]

I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.

I'm not sure what's at the root of this, but it is possible that God is leading you to the US. At the same time, you are correct and wise to respect your wife's feelings on the matter. How much have you two discussed this with each other? Your post sounds like there's room for deeper mutual consideration. And if leaving her family is the problem, maybe her parents could move with you.

I would start by giving this ongoing prayer, and then by opening up a continuing conversation with your wife about it. Just keep talking, in a cooperative group-think, without any need to convince the other. Let the ideas percolate and see what develops.

Edit: also, make sure you are dealing with the actual gun laws here, because there is a wide disparity in gun rights among the various states. On the medical front, I think the system works fairly well for people who have a bit of money or a retirement plan, but otherwise there are some major pitfalls, one major one being the lack of coverage for chronic Lyme.

 

[mukk_in]

Life was meant to be hard for all Christians (John 16:33). I lived in America for 8 years and was a dirt poor student. So, life isn't always great in the US. Peace in Christ.

 

[Tony Stark]

Why do you think or feel that your lives had more purpose or direction when you lived in the USA?

Obviously, you want to live here and your wife doesn't.

International communication (on the internet) has never been easier or cheaper.

The answer to the USA health system is private health insurance; expensive, but it works.

Our gun laws have served us well for over 200 years. The trend of mass shootings is relatively recent, and is largely overblown by the media.
The great majority of people never come close to being shot.

What's keeping her there?

I have often thought about the questions that you are asking, but just do not know what the answer is. The US has always been a draw card for me. I love the place and can't get enough of it. Only thing I can think of is that I lived with (off and on) an American missionary family in Australia and I think I was "Americanized" in my world view. Living in the US (when wife was happy) just really fit and it was the greatest.
It is true that international communication is the best ever now (no more outrageous international phone charges), but friends don't even take the time to message me on Skype.
Wife has fears as described and it was originally her family that was the draw card with Australia, but the family situation has soured over the last decade.

 

[Tony Stark]

Her fears of the US health system is reasonable.

Although you can always go back to Australia if you need major work like surgery. A bit inconvenient but doable.

Your American mates (born in USA) probably won't realize how lucky they are. You won't unless you're an immigrant, one of the wonderful perks of being an immigrant. It's paradise, if you move out, lol!

We did two international U-turns and that is rather expensive. To make another international move, I would REALLY want to be sure about it...

 

[Andrew77]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

I have a hard time thinking of anything that is better in the US, than in Australia.

If you were doing something different in the US... then do something different in Australia.

Maybe I just don't understand, but as far as I am aware, Australia is a free, capitalist country. Whatever you can do here in the US, you can do there in Australia.

And people are all the same. If you can find mates here in the US, you can find mates there in Australia.

Regardless, let me move on from that. Whatever country you go to, where ever you move, you have to make the decision to take the jump, and roll with it. You need to decide that you are not going back anymore.

If you are going to move back, every time someone gets homesick, you best not try to go somewhere to begin with.

So you need to get with the woman and decide what you are going to do, and then do it. There is no simple solution to this.

If I had magic words to make this work out, I'd give them to you. First I'd use them myself, and then I'd give them to you.

But honestly, you are right. You are just existing. And that sucks.

I don't know necessarily that you have to come to the US.... we have millions of people that are miserably existing, and just doing a job, and waiting for time to go by. I don't know why you need to come here to escape that there. I'd say it's time to find something different in Australia, before I'd fly to another hemisphere.

Like I said, I don't know what you could possibly do here, that you can't do there.

But if moving to the US really is the deal, then you need to make it a one-way trip, and the woman needs to know this is a one-way trip. She's going to get homesick.... ok.... deal with it. Find some friends here. Join some groups or something.

Because otherwise.... you both are just waiting to grow old and die.

You should watch this clip, if you have not seen it. Your wife needs to as well.

 

[Tony Stark]

Do you have a passion to be effective for Jesus in this life?

The last decades are likely to be the most significant.

We under estimate the preparation needed to underpin an effective work for Him.

A strong marriage is a powerful tool that He can use as a foundation for future work.

He told me clearly that I had a 40 year wait before being released into His heart work that I was created for.

Concentrate meantime on a tight, prayerful marriage.

Be expectant and thankful - He doesn't make mistakes.

Thanks for your post. I do want to have a God centered, God focused life and I try to live this out in front of my wife, kids and what friends that I have.
I am just feeling burned out with a very uneventful and boring life. It has gone on for a decade now and I am at the point where I am really wondering if this is all there is. The hands of time are ticking and I am mindful that I am not getting any younger. It would be nice to start feeling some zest and enthusiasm for life instead of feeling like I have been sucker punched.
All I feel like I am doing is just running a business (with just me) and that is about it.
Our marriage is strong and our family is strong too, but I just feel like there is nothing happening.

 

[Tony Stark]

Then do something abut it. Do you have any hobbies or undertakings you are passionate about? How bout the outdoors? I have no idea what it would "look like" either but there has to be something. Try some different, new things, and see what works for you.

Hey, literally get a sailboat and you'll have exactly what is seems like you desire...just add wind.

It doesn't seem to be that easy my friend. For about a decade I feel that I have just plodded along as best possible whilst being a husband, dad and running my business. I haven't had many interests really. Weightlifting and classic cars is about it for me. I am starting to get involved in a Christian car club, so that is something, but the club seems to be small and not much going on in the way of meet ups. I am trying to put the word out with other Christian classic car owners to get some more interest. Will see what happens with that.
I kind of feel burned out, let down, confused and uncertain about life all at the same time. When you feel like this, it is not always easy to "just do it"... You know?

 

[timewerx]

We did two international U-turns and that is rather expensive. To make another international move, I would REALLY want to be sure about it...

I might be leaning slightly towards Australia. Healthcare is better and college education I think is cheap compared to USA.

I'm more about the practical side of things. It seems easier to survive in Australia if things get bad like hit with financial difficulties, if not for you, your kids, medical emergencies, etc.

 

[Tony Stark]

I'm not sure what's at the root of this, but it is possible that God is leading you to the US. At the same time, you are correct and wise to respect your wife's feelings on the matter. How much have you two discussed this with each other? Your post sounds like there's room for deeper mutual consideration. And if leaving her family is the problem, maybe her parents could move with you.

I would start by giving this ongoing prayer, and then by opening up a continuing conversation with your wife about it. Just keep talking, in a cooperative group-think, without any need to convince the other. Let the ideas percolate and see what develops.

Edit: also, make sure you are dealing with the actual gun laws here, because there is a wide disparity in gun rights among the various states. On the medical front, I think the system works fairly well for people who have a bit of money or a retirement plan, but otherwise there are some major pitfalls, one major one being the lack of coverage for chronic Lyme.

We thought that God was leading us back to the US the second time. Everything lined up so well last time with everything and we were sure that God was in it. However, it all fell apart when my wife started getting homesick and missing family and Australian life. She got depressed too. I can never understand why God didn't sustain us through that period, but maybe we just took our eyes off Him and we failed. I strongly feel that returning to Australia was not the right thing, but kept that to myself for the most part. Some years after we returned, my wife even admitted to me that she thinks we failed God in all that. I just rest in the fact that I did my best with my family's needs at heart. Ever since we returned, I would say that nothing seems to have clicked for us. No family, not friends, not Churches and we have no sense of belonging. Wife often feels like she is going nuts and wants change. I don't want to preempt God in any of this though and at the moment, a return to the US is not likely. I am not sure I could do it a third time. The last time about destroyed me.
Spiritually, I would say that we are both burned out. With no sense of belonging and bad Church experiences, we are just treading water.

 

[Tony Stark]

I have a hard time thinking of anything that is better in the US, than in Australia.

If you were doing something different in the US... then do something different in Australia.

Maybe I just don't understand, but as far as I am aware, Australia is a free, capitalist country. Whatever you can do here in the US, you can do there in Australia.

And people are all the same. If you can find mates here in the US, you can find mates there in Australia.

Regardless, let me move on from that. Whatever country you go to, where ever you move, you have to make the decision to take the jump, and roll with it. You need to decide that you are not going back anymore.

If you are going to move back, every time someone gets homesick, you best not try to go somewhere to begin with.

So you need to get with the woman and decide what you are going to do, and then do it. There is no simple solution to this.

If I had magic words to make this work out, I'd give them to you. First I'd use them myself, and then I'd give them to you.

But honestly, you are right. You are just existing. And that sucks.

I don't know necessarily that you have to come to the US.... we have millions of people that are miserably existing, and just doing a job, and waiting for time to go by. I don't know why you need to come here to escape that there. I'd say it's time to find something different in Australia, before I'd fly to another hemisphere.

Like I said, I don't know what you could possibly do here, that you can't do there.

But if moving to the US really is the deal, then you need to make it a one-way trip, and the woman needs to know this is a one-way trip. She's going to get homesick.... ok.... deal with it. Find some friends here. Join some groups or something.

Because otherwise.... you both are just waiting to grow old and die.

You should watch this clip, if you have not seen it. Your wife needs to as well.

I think your knowledge of Australia is a little off... It is very socialistic here. Ugh, sends me nuts. Australian Government interferes in everything too. The USA is a very different place, trust me... Australia is very much a socialist society.
I agree with some of your other points though. I think you have summarized it concisely! We are only just existing and this is how it has been for a decade now.
Thanks for the video. I will check it out later and then share with my wife.

 

[timewerx]

I think your knowledge of Australia is a little off... It is very socialistic here. Ugh, sends me nuts.

Lol, as do many European countries and their colonies. But that's what makes your healthcare and college education cheap and many other "freebies". Some countries in Europe have taken this step further (while remaining Capitalist of course) and have eliminated poverty which is really good.

Unless you're really doing quite well off financially and you could afford a USA college education for your kids, then it might actually a good option to move to USA.

I also once lived in USA, due to work, under work VISA. Outskirts of Atlanta, one of the best times of my life. Love the culture and the people.

 

[longwait]

A bit of background on us... We are a Christian family (wife and I have been Christians since childhood) and have been married for over two decades with kids now in the mid teens.
For about the last decade now, we have found ourselves to just be treading water and going through the motions with life. Kind of like ground hog day, over and over and over and over again. There is no real sense of purpose (other than serving God as best we can, providing for the family and witnessing to people we come in contact with) and there is no real sense of challenge or joy or contentment. It gets me down, but Wife is extremely bored with life seems semi depressed about our situation. I feel like the wind is no longer in my sails either. Financially we are ok (not rich, but not in trouble) and we are all mostly healthy. Wife works full time and I run my own small business from home.
We live in Australia, but had the wonderful opportunity of living in the USA twice. First time we lived in the USA was totally amazing and wonderful. I never wanted to leave, but wife got homesick). Second time we lived there was meant to be permanent, but wife got homesick again and we returned to Australia. Since being back in Australia, we see that God has cared for us and blessed us with his provision, however life just seems to suck. Nothing really going on, no sense of belonging here, my family is totally estranged and most of wife's family relationships are strained (except for her parents - dear people).
I just feel that something has to change. I have no idea what this would look like or what it would be, but something has to change... I find myself absolutely yearning for life in the US again, but wife has significant fears about the US health system and the gun laws (which I can understand) and I would never embark on life back in the US with her having these fears. I manage to stay in touch with a few American mates and I envy the lives they all lead.
I just don't know what to think or do anymore... I don't know if this post even makes sense.
Mostly I just try to bury these feelings and soldier on, but sometimes it gets a bit hard going.
Anyway, does anyone else experience something like this or have any pearls of wisdom to throw my way?

Sounds similar to my life. We all have our own seperate struggles. Oh, life will get challenging alright. Just wait for the tribulation and you would yearn for the life you have now.

 

[Carl Emerson]

I am just feeling burned out with a very uneventful and boring life. It has gone on for a decade now and I am at the point where I am really wondering if this is all there is.

There is no doubt He uses a dry time to bring is to dependence on Him. What opportunities for Christian service present ? Is there inner city street evangelism you could support? Could you host a fellowship group in the home? What gifts and talents have you been given? For me my relationship with Him is a vital conversational relationship - is it possible you have somehow lost your first love or maybe even missed a deep connection with Him. Can you start praying for your close neighbours and see what doors He opens up? The walk with Him is meant to be one of praise and thankfulness. Is there someone to forgive? Maybe you are battling some sort of spiritual blockage. I would prioritise prayer with others who you can trust and agree together for a breakthrough. Boring is definitely not His will. Changing country will not deal to the deeper issues.