Single - how to find a partner?

[Darkhorse]

One of my brothers was 35 when he married; I was 36.

That was a long time ago, and we're both still married.

 

[blackhole]

If you want to be a good husband to a good woman, learn to enjoy doing the dishes, putting out the garbage, hanging the washing on the line, cooking the evening meal regularly, making the cups of tea, pushing the supermarket trolley for her, feeding the cats, cleaning the toilet, making the bed, and doing the hoovering. Mowing the lawns, trimming the shrubs, weeding the garden, sweeping up the leaves would be an extra bonus. After 28 years of marriage, I have learned that my wife appreciates those things much better than me having two academic degrees.

You mean: basically the same things that I have to do as a single person?

I'm interested in learning more about your education and experiences with academia. I'll send you a message momentarily, if the forum allows.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

One of my brothers was 35 when he married; I was 36.

That was a long time ago, and we're both still married.

I was 40 when I met my wife, and was married at 43, in 1990, and my daughter was born in 1992 when I was 45 years of age. A bit of maturity in marriage and child-rearing is a great thing!

 

[blackhole]

One of my brothers was 35 when he married; I was 36.

That was a long time ago, and we're both still married.

I don't think you're supposed to marry your brother, but I'm glad you're both still happy! Lol.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

You mean: basically the same things that I have to do as a single person?

I'm interested in learning more about your education and experiences with academia. I'll send you a message momentarily, if the forum allows.

I was a school dropout, and I entered university as a special over 21old applicant, I had to get a certain number of credits in my first year to matriculate, which I did. I completed BA in English three years later (1987), and then went on to do my MA part-time and finished it in 1992. It was a great journey, and I made many friends. I did the MA with the same attitude as Sir Edmund Hillary climbing Mt Everest: Because it was there. Also, I felt inferior being a school dropout, but when I finished my MA with a B+ pass, I no longer felt inferior to anyone.

I decided to do a M.Div. in my 60s, online, and I spent a wonderful three years studying the Bible where I knew it, and discovering how much I didn't know about it. Also, I learned practical worship, outreach, dealing with people, pastoral care, and all the other things that went into practical divinity. I found that the Holy Spirit helped me to write the assignment and essays, and I got an average 95%, which amazed me. I started the M.Div. when I was 66 and finished it at age 69. For me, it was not the diploma on the wall, but the journey getting there/

I guess that if I was 30 years younger, I could have gone into the ministry, but that was not God's plan for me. 20 years ago, I became an elder and lay-preacher in my Presbyterian church. My MA gave me the confidence to write, and I have written several ministry books. My M.Div. gave me a stronger theological foundation to make sure that when I preached, I was preaching sound doctrine.

This is just a thumbnail sketch, and I hope this is helpful.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

Hi the best thing to do is be a godly man working in ministry and trust the Lord to provide your needs. Many a shallow man has found a good woman who would leave him latter in life. If you prepare yourself to be kind,understanding, compassionate,a spiritual leader that will attract a godly woman. At your age you should also consider the grace of God and put on your list single moms or divorced women. Many of these women are craving a godly man to be the head of the house. there is a great need for men of God to take wives from this pool.

 

[Mel333]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

Potential google 'reliable' link:
ChristianCafe.com: South Dakota Christian Singles

It says it's an 'Authentic Christian dating website'

Or just keep going to churches and small group activities and you'll find someone there.

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

At your age you should also consider the grace of God and put on your list single moms or divorced women. Many of these women are craving a godly man to be the head of the house. there is a great need for men of God to take wives from this pool.

Such advice should be taken with great caution, IMO. I’d rather them add "widows" of but one husband. The surviving children, if any, would legally become "his" with none of the chaos associated with divorced, mixed up families and malign exes lurking on the periphery.

What Scriptural SUPPORT can you give for your advice?

 

[timewerx]

I don't think you're supposed to marry your brother, but I'm glad you're both still happy! Lol.

 

[Joined2krist]

What if God tells you to marry a prostitute as he told Hosea? if you're truly a Christian you'll drop all your requirements and ask God to help you find a wife He has chosen for you

"Houses and wealth are inheritance from parents but a good wife is from the Lord " (Proverbs 19:14)

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

What if God tells you to marry a prostitute as he told Hosea?

Can you find ONE place in the NT where the LORD even hints at telling someone that?

 

[mama2one]

following

 

[Joined2krist]

Can you find ONE place in the NT where the LORD even hints at telling someone that?

He's still the same God. It's not impossible for God to lead Him to marry one, probably he'll be in the best position to convert her or God might want to teach something "What God has cleansed do not call common unholy' Acts 10:17

Matt 21:31 "Truly I tell you tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you"

God is unpredictable.

 

[Bonnie-Jean]

I do know what you are talking about. I am in a similar position. I think it's very important to have at least a mental list of what is important to you in a spouse, and stick with it. I am not talking about shallow attributes that God would not care about. I'm not in agreement with those who have a specific "type" they are looking for. That being said, having a strong faith, good character, healthy habits, being disciplined, etc. I personally find very important. No one is perfect. Everyone will have struggles of some kind. But, are they working on those issues? What steps are they making to grow as a person? That's what I pay attention to.

Is there a chance you will stay single if you don't compromise on certain points? Yes, but if you are sure what you are waiting for is valuable, its worth it. For some people, marriage might be so important that they would rather settle than miss out on that union. My thought is, if you compromise something important to make marriage happen, will it even be what you hoped for? I have passed up opportunities to marry and I don't regret it. Why? Because spending my life with someone I can't respect is NOT an improvement on singleness. Anyway, enough rambling.

To answer the original question, I am not sure how to meet good Christian candidates. Some things I am trying are: being more involved in community activities, trying to connect with people online (I have tried online dating sites in the past), and honestly trying to move to an area with more "options."

In the end, you have to rest in God's timing. It doesn't always make sense to us, but he does know what is best for us, and what we need.

Something I have asked myself the last few years is, am I ready? Are there areas in my life that need growth? I am going to keep my eyes open, but I'm going to also focus on growing as a single woman and enjoying the blessings I do have in my life right now. Gratitude is something that God has been speaking to me about this year.

 

[Ronald]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

There's no formula. It seems that when you are anxious for anything in life, God says no, be patient. You pray for a mate and in time, He will give you one - when you are ready. You think you are ready now, but with 3 years of schooling left, a relationship may get in the way. Relationships take a lot of your time. You can slack off on studies and skip class, and then there is the financial issue. Women cost money, unless you find someone who already has her act together and is financially above water and out of debt. DO you have your act together? That's what a women is looking for, a provider, someone who can fill her list. Are you ready, because they have prerequisites too.
Love can numb your senses ( your intellect), and cause your head to spin around. Don't get me wrong, women are wonderful, but let me just give some perspective on their intellectual side. There are some out there, but women are wired differently, more emotional and men are more cerebral. It is no secret why men gathered together for centuries in "Men Only Clubs, to socialize, communicate. It is on a different level. We gravitate towards different interests, get charged, motivated and it seems the guys flow in those arenas. Women have their interests and when they gather, they move and socialize on a different level.
I love my wife, she is a godly woman, a servant to others at heart, precious! But if I initially required a higher intellect as a prerequisite, I would have missed out on her and all the love she gives in many facets of life.
I had an intellect once when I was younger. She had a BA in Engljsh/Literature, worked in a library, had read a couple thousand books, read 3 papers a day, and had a career in mind. She left me for that, got a Masters in Journalism and eventually became the VP of Fox News in Boston. She made it, she thought, but she was alone. Btw, she had an abortion before all that - wasn't gonna let an child get in her way. Tens years later she wanted to come back to me. I shook my head. She eventually found an intellectual she worked with ( on the same level I guess), got married, but that didn't last. She never had kids and I thought she would have been a great Mom (without the career). As far as I know, she's alone, retired ... a happy intellectual ... I dont know.
Woman are help mates, wonderfully needed and compliment certain areas lacking in your life, but they dont fill every part of you. Compatibility is important, but don't pass up a gem because she happens to be a weaker intellect. Women are weaker in many areas and stronger in some.
A final note, the ones that are intellectual are sometimes of the Women's Lib. group who challenge men in the workplace, with this competive thrust to do just as good a job. Some can, however, they are the ones who refuse to submit to thwir husbands as the Bible says they should. They want to be the boss and think sometimes they even don't need a man. Watch out for them.

 

[blackhole]

You think you are ready now, but with 3 years of schooling left, a relationship may get in the way. Relationships take a lot of your time. You can slack off on studies and skip class,

A final note, the ones that are intellectual are sometimes of the Women's Lib. group who challenge men in the workplace, with this competive thrust to do just as good a job. Some can, however, they are the ones who refuse to submit to thwir husbands as the Bible says they should. They want to be the boss and think sometimes they even don't need a man. Watch out for them.

I'd be finished in a year or so, but I added two majors. As to the time sink, I spend only about 20 hours per week on my school work -- and I have all As.

Yes, the progressives are miserable. Good advice.

 

[GOD Shines Forth!]

He's still the same God. It's not impossible for God to lead Him to marry one, probably he'll be in the best position to convert her or God might want to teach something "What God has cleansed do not call common unholy' Acts 10:17

Matt 21:31 "Truly I tell you tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you"

God is unpredictable.

Well, there is Rahab the harlot as well. She was commended for her FAITH (in James and Hebrews, no less)...for lying to her own people! You could say she's one of God's wrenches, thrown into the works.

"God is unpredictable."

I do love that about Him!

 

[DamianWarS]

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals.

a square with a square will only do square things. a square with a circle will be challenged in different areas and start doing circle things. sometimes looking outside your comfort zone can be more productive in the long run for personal growth and long term contentment. There's no reason to force an attraction with someone but perhaps developing more comfort with people who are different than you will help you broaden your approach to a partner and in the end have greater success.

Look for someone who compliments you, not a mirror.

 

[Robin Mauro]

Someone else made a similar post to this, so it gave me the idea of doing (mostly) the same.

I'm 30, male, and single. I haven't been able to find any candidates in my area; the good churches don't have very many members.

And of course, I won't marry outside of Christianity. I've tried asking on Facebook for my friends to set me up with a Christian girl. I've made profiles on PoF, Tinder, etc. hoping that by some miracle I'd find a believer on one of those platforms. Christian mingle and similar services have effectively no one near me.

I also have the added difficulty of feeling very disconnected from people who aren't intellectuals. Unfortunately, it's not an option for me to try to find a partner at a seminary.

So then, how might I find someone? What else can I try?

It seems to be up to God, so ask him. Also, take a class you are interested in to meet others with similar interests, join a group ( bird watching?), and you might consider changing your name. Black hole might be off putting to many women. It's like telling them to beware.

 

[Lost4words]

I walked for miles to meet my first date. It was pouring down with rain too. She got recommended to me by a pal so we arranged to meet up. Took me ages to spot her in the crowd.

When i did, boy was i mesmerised! She was stunning!

She had this cut smile, big loving eyes, and the most beautiful coat you could ever imagine.

I immediately turned about and headed back home though as she just drooled too much!