Marriage and adoption

[GospelS]

Hi,

I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m not too passionate about bearing children but open to adopt some. I still desire for a companion with whom I can grow as a Christian. I want to invest my time in prayer, worship, bible study, and helping others. Marriage and children are a great blessing but I might get busy and find less time for God.

 

[dzheremi]

Welcome to CF! I hope you find your time here edifying.

I am sympathetic to your situation. I know a few people like that in my own church, but they are a minority. But I am not aware of anything that requires Christians to have children (I know the command "Go forth and multiply", and plenty who take it literally, but I think those who do tend to make up for those of us who don't, so long as we remain in the minority in our churches), and there are many other ways to care for children without having your own: volunteer to teach Sunday school, babysit for some parents who'd like a night off, volunteer to tutor struggling kids at your local elementary school, etc.

 

[blackhole]

I'm in the same situation, 30 and male. The population is low where I live, and there aren't many good churches here; the one that I attend doesn't have anyone who's eligible. And like you, children are no-go for me; contraception will be necessary if I ever find someone.

I'd send you a message, but I can't.

 

[ilovejcsog]

I saw both of your posts and was thinking how can I combine these two. Glad you worked it out. My blessings to both of you. If it is Gods will someone will be in your lives.
Blackhole, why can't you send a message?

 

[ilovejcsog]

Hi,

I’m 31, never married and never been in a relationship. I keeping celibate because I’m not wanting to have children. I love kids but I’m not too passionate about bearing children. I still desire for a companion with whom I can grow as a Christian. I’m very passionate about God and want to invest my time in prayer, worship, bible study, and helping others. Marriage and Children are a great blessing but I might get busy and have very less personal time with God. That’s another reason I like about remaining single. I will marry if and only when I find a man who is a passionate Christian and is okay with having no kids. But there are very very few men who also do not want kids and too difficult to find one, he could be in another country. I keep trying online but found none like that. And, the few men who do not want children are not passionate Christians. So I might end up unmarried for my lifetime. Are there anyone in same situation? What are your thoughts?

Welcome, I hope your prayers are answered. Blessings

 

[Monk Brendan]

Hi,

I’m 31, never married and never been in a relationship. I keeping celibate because I’m not wanting to have children. I love kids but I’m not too passionate about bearing children. I still desire for a companion with whom I can grow as a Christian. I’m very passionate about God and want to invest my time in prayer, worship, bible study, and helping others. Marriage and Children are a great blessing but I might get busy and have very less personal time with God. That’s another reason I like about remaining single. I will marry if and only when I find a man who is a passionate Christian and is okay with having no kids. But there are very very few men who also do not want kids and too difficult to find one, he could be in another country. I keep trying online but found none like that. And, the few men who do not want children are not passionate Christians. So I might end up unmarried for my lifetime. Are there anyone in same situation? What are your thoughts?

If you get married, you might change your mind.

However, there are many worse things than being unmarried. One of them is marrying the wrong person.

 

[GenemZ]

Marriage is all about the two souls becoming one. That is to be before anything else. A man and the woman should keep growing in grace and knowledge and allow God to lead into marriage. Even if it seems to take a lifetime.

Marriage is not a commodity. Paul says its a sacred union designed by God. Its to represent the union of Christ with His church. Unfortunately too many treat marriage as if its something one simply does when they reach a certain age. Its as if they were looking for, and choosing, an appliance to have for the rest of their life.

I thank God every time I think of it. My parents were blessed. So, I got to see a marriage as God designed it to be. It was natural and produced good instincts within the household. It made me sad to see others not knowing what marriage can be.

My pastor used to warn us not to judge married people without children. He told us it probably indicates a sign of intelligence that others do not posses. He was joyously married. He warned his flock to keep growing in Christ and let the Lord arrange when they are to be married. He had his critics on that one. But, he knew what the Hebrew and Greek texts tell us to the point. He pulled no punches and told it like its presented.

 

[ilovejcsog]

Hi,

I’m 31, never married and never been in a relationship. I keeping celibate because I’m not wanting to have children. I love kids but I’m not too passionate about bearing children. I still desire for a companion with whom I can grow as a Christian. I’m very passionate about God and want to invest my time in prayer, worship, bible study, and helping others. Marriage and Children are a great blessing but I might get busy and have very less personal time with God. That’s another reason I like about remaining single. I will marry if and only when I find a man who is a passionate Christian and is okay with having no kids. But there are very very few men who also do not want kids and too difficult to find one, he could be in another country. I keep trying online but found none like that. And, the few men who do not want children are not passionate Christians. So I might end up unmarried for my lifetime. Are there anyone in same situation? What are your thoughts?

Its possible you are closed to exchanging pm's. If that is not the way you want it you might want to find out why. I had checked a box at the bottom of a page and closed my pm's off and someone taught me how to turn it on. If this is your case I can refer you to someone that can help you with it.

 

[Blade]

For me... its written.. God said "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." So.. to NOT do that so I might get closer to God.. sorry.. God didnt suggest or hint.. it was a command.

Now.. that being said.. if its hard for you.. looking at men/women.. hard to control..its best to be married. But to give ones self to Him and only Him.. YES praise GOD!

 

[GenemZ]

But I am not aware of anything that requires Christians to have children (I know the command "Go forth and multiply", and plenty who take it literally.

Keep in mind.. That was commanded when the world population was "two."

 

[GenemZ]

For me... its written.. God said "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." So.. to NOT do that so I might get closer to God.. sorry.. God didnt suggest or hint.. it was a command.

Now.. that being said.. if its hard for you.. looking at men/women.. hard to control..its best to be married. But to give ones self to Him and only Him.. YES praise GOD!

We are now indwelled by the Holy Spirit (enabling power) and have been commanded to live like Christ (be imitators of God)... He, by his own experience, had pioneered and provided the needed truths for those he ordains for a single life. Jesus as a man led the way and understands.

Paul wished that others were like him. But, also said it all depended upon what gift(s) a believer had been given.

 

[mnphysicist]

As far as PM functionality, that is limited until X number of posts in the forums are made to prevent/mitigate spammers/get rich quick types etc. I don't know what the current setting is as I haven't been on the staff side of CF for years, but its usually the reason why its non-functional... short of a user turning it off.

As far as marriage and no kids goes... I was ambivalent as a young guy, as was my wife to be, but a couple years after we got married, she started to want kids and I was becoming more and more against the idea. In hindsight as an older widowed guy, I'm very thankful we didn't, but this varies a great deal from person to person.

Yes, you will have more time to devote to God and that's a huge thing if the two of you take advantage of it. We didn't so much in the early years, and i think we missed out. However as years passed... it was an incredibly awesome thing.

 

[GospelS]

For me... its written.. God said "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." So.. to NOT do that so I might get closer to God.. sorry.. God didnt suggest or hint.. it was a command.

Now.. that being said.. if its hard for you.. looking at men/women.. hard to control..its best to be married. But to give ones self to Him and only Him.. YES praise GOD!

I understand you. I’m passionate about God and would not want to disobey Him willingly. I’ve struggled and prayed about that command for a long time and God gave me peace. My journey with God has taught me some things that nobody would understand if i give an explanation for my decision. I did not take such a decision without dealing it with God first. People who are concerned that I’m going against the commandment, do not worry. It is well with my soul since this talk has been taken care with the one who gave the commandment, as you call it. Marry or not marry, its all hard and I’m joyful no matter how I end up.

 

[GenemZ]

I’ve understand you. I’m passionate about God and would not want to disobey Him willingly. I’ve struggled and prayed about that command for a long time and God’s gave me peace..

What command? That was not given for all of us. After all, by nature not everyone can even have children. What are they to do?

That command was given when man needed to begin populating the earth. There was no mankind on earth at that time. Perspective is needed.

What is most important is waiting for the man who's soul will be one with yours. Its better to remain single in most cases if the Lord does not guide you to such a man. Do not hook up with a man who simply agrees that he does not want to have children. That becomes a check list marriage. God wants you to grow into His happiness. Human voices should be shunned. Its all between you and the lord, even if no one else can understand.. God wants all believers to become happy. Many are without the Word in abundance and never can be. We need to find (by God's grace) a good pastor-teacher who is being led by God. When that happens? The teaching will be designated for his listener's needs.
That makes two kinds of men God wants you to have in your life. That is, if you are to marry with God's blessings. The pastor-teacher is not an option. Its a necessity.

Many wrongly quote... Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord."

That is a misleading translation. Its wrong. For many men find a wife and it turns out not to be a good thing.

The Hebrew reads more like this way to be accurate and to make sense about God's fairness..

"Whoever who finds a *good wife" obtains grace form the Lord."

My pastor exegeted that straight from the Hebrew.

That makes sense! Its also fair. For, I have witnessed to Christians getting married and some men using that passage to secure his check list marriage. Then a few years later, has nothing but heart ache. The passage is about a man who finds a *good wife." He is a man who receives grace from the Lord. The headstrong fail to find grace.

 

[Rebecca4Christ]

I hope the two of you are able to communicate and get to know one another.Even just as a friendship,it looks as if you have a good bit of common ground and at the very least could be supportive of one another.Just between you and I,...God's been known to answer a prayer or two now and then.

 

[GospelS]

What command? That was not given for all of us. After all, by nature not everyone can even have children. What are they to do?

That command was given when man needed to begin populating the earth. There was no mankind on earth at that time. Perspective is needed.

What is most important is waiting for the man who's soul will be one with yours. Its better to remain single in most cases if the Lord does not guide you to such a man. Do not hook up with a man who simply agrees that he does not want to have children. That becomes a check list marriage. God wants you to grow into His happiness. Human voices should be shunned. Its all between you and the lord, even if no one else can understand.. God wants all believers to become happy. Many are without the Word in abundance and never can be. We need to find (by God's grace) a good pastor-teacher who is being led by God. When that happens? The teaching will be designated for his listener's needs.
That makes two kinds of men God wants you to have in your life. That is, if you are to marry with God's blessings. The pastor-teacher is not an option. Its a necessity.

Many wrongly quote... Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord."

That is a misleading translation. Its wrong. For many men find a wife and it turns out not to be a good thing.

The Hebrew reads more like this way to be accurate and to make sense about God's fairness..

"Whoever who finds a *good wife" obtains grace form the Lord."

My pastor exegeted that straight from the Hebrew.

That makes sense! Its also fair. For, I have witnessed to Christians getting married and some men using that passage to secure his check list marriage. Then a few years later, has nothing but heart ache. The passage is about a man who finds a *good wife." He is a man who receives grace from the Lord. The headstrong fail to find grace.

I agree. It’s not a commandment but I stated as commandment because in that post I was replying to someone who still views it as a commandment. I was once there and I understand his/her concern. Later, as I said, in my journey with God I learned that it’s not a commandment and thus found peace. Even IF i happen to marry an incompatible partner, I wouldn’t regret it. A marriage between two incompatible people is a chance to reflect Christ and become more Christ-like by loving my husband all the more despite our incompatibility, that is when I learn to deny myself, and what it is to truly love. For I’m imperfect and wrong but God still loved me.

 

[GenemZ]

And I have witnessed marriages where man’s soul’s was one with his spouse for only few years but still they separated. So even if i’m the wrong one or happen to marry a wrong one, I wouldn’t regret it. A marriage between two incompatible people is a chance to reflect Christ and become more Christ-like by loving my partner even when his soul is not one with me, that is when I learn to deny myself, and what it is to truly love. For I’m imperfect and wrong but God still loved me.

So, you want to marry a friend that you hope will be willing to compromise his life? Or, your husband who will be your real other half? I guess I can only speak for myself in this case.

 

[mama2one]

welcome to CF

know several couples who've had unplanned children
(some even in their 40's who had "surprise" children)

unless you don't have sex with your husband, no guarantee you wouldn't become pregnant
if you marry and became pregnant, how would you adjust?

 

[GenemZ]

welcome to CF

know several couples who've had unplanned children
(some even in their 40's who had "surprise" children)

unless you don't have sex with your husband, no guarantee you wouldn't become pregnant
if you marry and became pregnant, how would you adjust?

We should adjust by first becoming mature in Christ before you marry. Then the adjustment in marriage will be God's grace at work in ones life. (Eph 2:10)

I may make it sound more simple than it is. Yet, the truth in the principle stands.

 

[GospelS]

So, you want to marry a friend that you hope will be willing to compromise his life? Or, your husband who will be your real other half? I guess I can only speak for myself in this case.

Compromise?? No. I will not yoke unequally, we will still be one in soul through Christ as the center for our relationship. What i meant is that once i have a husband, i will continue to love him no matter what difficulties i might have to face, even if he cannot become one with me in soul through sex due to any physical disability or chooses not to have sex because there could be few men who have no desire for sex but still needs a female companionship and no kids. That is what i was referring to. There wont be compromise on either side but a purpose that we choose to keep.