I think I have the tendency to "say all I have" which can be destructive sometimes. I don't seem to always have a center where I'm wise with my words and behavior (I do sometimes, but how do I keep it consistent? I feel this wisdom is gone when I get too excited or too nervous). I cannot prioritize my thoughts, I'm not a timely person and my sense of judgement is weak. I'm either so silent or so talkative. I seem to share everything I have sometimes even if I'm sharing it in the wrong place (I do better when silent, which is what I am most of the time, thank God). I lack the sense of politics with others and I feel like it is better off if I spend the rest of my life socially isolated from others because I'm just a heavy load on them and I don't enjoy social commitment to others anyway so it ends up as me being an awkward person to deal with. (Not to mention, I have a stupid sense of pride and ego that I always have a tendency to campaign and fight. I don't accept disrespect/unfairness even if it is in the slightest forms and I'm not an easy going/easy to deal with person at all. I also love attention which makes things worse... and yet I hate to be socially recognized, what a paradoxical person..)
I have 2 choices, live alone my whole life or pressurize myself to have more social interactions. However my biggest worry ever comes at the point where I can lead one of my brothers and sisters to lose the faith or turn someone away from God or lead them to sin/do something morally wrong. YET, sometimes one has to be present to balance life and defend those who need defense when left alone! And sometimes I don't speak out for them because I'm a coward and I assume that the consequences can be beyond my abilities. WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT AND CONFUSING.
I started isolating myself already by reducing my social media presence so I'm harder to reach by others now. I was also planning to keep on filtering out everyone as much as I can so I become totally alone (excluding my family). Is that morally right? Is isolating myself morally right?
I have 2 choices, live alone my whole life or pressurize myself to have more social interactions. However my biggest worry ever comes at the point where I can lead one of my brothers and sisters to lose the faith or turn someone away from God or lead them to sin/do something morally wrong. YET, sometimes one has to be present to balance life and defend those who need defense when left alone! And sometimes I don't speak out for them because I'm a coward and I assume that the consequences can be beyond my abilities. WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT AND CONFUSING.
I started isolating myself already by reducing my social media presence so I'm harder to reach by others now. I was also planning to keep on filtering out everyone as much as I can so I become totally alone (excluding my family). Is that morally right? Is isolating myself morally right?
My words are to some level exaggerating. I'm a bit better now. Just pray for me to mature and be wise.
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