- Apr 25, 2019
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I know I've posted already concerning this, but I'm going to maybe put it in a different way. I read something a while back while already struggling with doubt and stuff, and I'm going to post it here:
" If I was The Devil I would manifest myself inside of a virgin, say that I am the Son of God and convince everyone that they can now be forgiven for every sin just by asking, thus opening the floodgates for an unprecedented and unending torrent of sin.
I would start with the uneducated and the poor. I would impress them with some magic tricks, teach them to pretend to eat my flesh, drink my blood and always, ALWAYS, use MY name when speaking to God.
I would most assuredly use my immortality to fool them into thinking I came back from the dead as proof of my divinity.
What better way to channel more souls away from God and straight into Hell?” - Lance Sievert
Now I know that this dude is a passionate atheist who wants nothing more than to demolish any form of religion entirely. However, when I read this, my mind went "What if he's right?" which was really odd for me, because I've been a Christian my whole life and wouldn't have ever had this though cross my mind. Anyway, I tried to reason it away by pointing out all the miracles Jesus has done, and everything like that, yet my mind would not rest. The "What if..." kept coming, and it would write off every piece of evidence I threw at it as "fake" or "a deception" or what have you. My mind would write off everything that I could conjure up for it, that it proof of Jesus being God, and call it "Satan trying to deceive you." Oh, how I hated these thoughts, and how I wished I could get rid of them and just believe in the Lord without this crap going through my head. This has caused me great emotional pain.
I would keep going back to the verses where the Pharisees were saying that Jesus' performed miracles and exorcisms by the power of Satan. Now, before this all happened, I would have said "That's ridiculous" yet, now, instead my mind would go "What if the Pharisees were right?" Now I don't actually want to believe this, in fact I wish I had never read it to begin with so the thought wouldn't be in my head. I want to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and is God, which is true. Yet my mind wants me to believe this horrible lie, and I'm scared that, well, maybe I really do believe that.
So that's where I'm at. Is this considered the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, and if not, what makes the real unpardonable sin different than from what I've done. My parents have tried to reassure me by saying that it is my OCD, yet I don't see how my OCD can make me believe, or at least entertain the possibility of, all of this horrible stuff, especially since it is the ultimate, unforgivable blasphemy? How does that work?
And yes, I've already heard people say that if you're worried about it, it means you haven't done it. Yet that makes no sense. Couldn't someone at one point believe that Jesus is satanic or whatever, yet later realize they were wrong, and become frightened and want to repent? This later wanting to repent in no way changes the action they already committed.
If someone can please explain to me what all of this means, and if there's hope for me, please do. Thanks.
" If I was The Devil I would manifest myself inside of a virgin, say that I am the Son of God and convince everyone that they can now be forgiven for every sin just by asking, thus opening the floodgates for an unprecedented and unending torrent of sin.
I would start with the uneducated and the poor. I would impress them with some magic tricks, teach them to pretend to eat my flesh, drink my blood and always, ALWAYS, use MY name when speaking to God.
I would most assuredly use my immortality to fool them into thinking I came back from the dead as proof of my divinity.
What better way to channel more souls away from God and straight into Hell?” - Lance Sievert
Now I know that this dude is a passionate atheist who wants nothing more than to demolish any form of religion entirely. However, when I read this, my mind went "What if he's right?" which was really odd for me, because I've been a Christian my whole life and wouldn't have ever had this though cross my mind. Anyway, I tried to reason it away by pointing out all the miracles Jesus has done, and everything like that, yet my mind would not rest. The "What if..." kept coming, and it would write off every piece of evidence I threw at it as "fake" or "a deception" or what have you. My mind would write off everything that I could conjure up for it, that it proof of Jesus being God, and call it "Satan trying to deceive you." Oh, how I hated these thoughts, and how I wished I could get rid of them and just believe in the Lord without this crap going through my head. This has caused me great emotional pain.
I would keep going back to the verses where the Pharisees were saying that Jesus' performed miracles and exorcisms by the power of Satan. Now, before this all happened, I would have said "That's ridiculous" yet, now, instead my mind would go "What if the Pharisees were right?" Now I don't actually want to believe this, in fact I wish I had never read it to begin with so the thought wouldn't be in my head. I want to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and is God, which is true. Yet my mind wants me to believe this horrible lie, and I'm scared that, well, maybe I really do believe that.
So that's where I'm at. Is this considered the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, and if not, what makes the real unpardonable sin different than from what I've done. My parents have tried to reassure me by saying that it is my OCD, yet I don't see how my OCD can make me believe, or at least entertain the possibility of, all of this horrible stuff, especially since it is the ultimate, unforgivable blasphemy? How does that work?
And yes, I've already heard people say that if you're worried about it, it means you haven't done it. Yet that makes no sense. Couldn't someone at one point believe that Jesus is satanic or whatever, yet later realize they were wrong, and become frightened and want to repent? This later wanting to repent in no way changes the action they already committed.
If someone can please explain to me what all of this means, and if there's hope for me, please do. Thanks.