I ended an online "relationship/friendship/flirtation" a week ago and feel conflicted inside because I am sad to let the person go. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I talked to him for a year and I hoped we would meet eventually but the opportunity never came about, or it was just put on the back burner. Anyways, I think what happened was the guy simply lost interest because I was a desperate ditz who had health problems and was annoying. I think he felt sorry for me because he knew I didn't have real life friends. It was my first "real relationship" that wasn't actually a relationship because we had never met. I'm 25 years old and never been kissed or dated anyone ever. Ha, how pathetic is that? There's people my age having their 2nd or 3rd kid and I sing to my cats and eat mayonnaise out of the jar.
I clung to this person a lot. He helped me through a lot of hard times that went on in my life. I told myself I knew he was meant for me and that I was going to be his wife someday. I wanted to be a good girlfriend to him. I guess my feelings were too strong because I think I was overbearing a lot of times. I could just text and text forever with him, never wanting it to stop. I daydreamed about us being together and I just wanted to be close to him all the time. It was like I was hooked on crack. But hey, isn't everyone's brain during the infatuation period? Except this infatuation period never really ended. At least not for me.
I ended it because I realized...reality. We live in different states, miles and miles away. My family didn't like him and told me I was never going to move if it worked out and if I did they would lock me up. A very close relative of mine is sick and has two kids, and I know if something happens to them or if they can't care for them anymore (heaven forbid) I would be the one to step in and help them. I couldn't marry this guy if it worked out between us anyway. And he is very immersed in his company and he didn't want to leave his state. Plus, I have health issues and as much as I wish I could be a wife someday, I know it may not be a wise undertaking. I can hardly manage caring for myself and my two cats. Plus I don't want to burden a man with my needs.
So you can see how easy it was for me to delve into this virtual romance. There was no risk attached, because it wasn't real.
I have no friends. I can't drive. I don't have any hobbies or interests that matter. I can't carry on a decent conversation. I never go anywhere. I just eat, sleep, consume, work for three days then sleep my weekends off. What kind of self-respecting man would want a woman like that? I'm boring and uninteresting. I feel like such a fool for thinking I had anything to offer. I feel like crap. It's embarrassing. I feel so ashamed of myself.
I don't know how to move on from this. I miss him. I want to talk to him again. I felt like he was my best friend. I have been managing without him, but I think about him every day. I miss his texts.
I clung to this person a lot. He helped me through a lot of hard times that went on in my life. I told myself I knew he was meant for me and that I was going to be his wife someday. I wanted to be a good girlfriend to him. I guess my feelings were too strong because I think I was overbearing a lot of times. I could just text and text forever with him, never wanting it to stop. I daydreamed about us being together and I just wanted to be close to him all the time. It was like I was hooked on crack. But hey, isn't everyone's brain during the infatuation period? Except this infatuation period never really ended. At least not for me.
I ended it because I realized...reality. We live in different states, miles and miles away. My family didn't like him and told me I was never going to move if it worked out and if I did they would lock me up. A very close relative of mine is sick and has two kids, and I know if something happens to them or if they can't care for them anymore (heaven forbid) I would be the one to step in and help them. I couldn't marry this guy if it worked out between us anyway. And he is very immersed in his company and he didn't want to leave his state. Plus, I have health issues and as much as I wish I could be a wife someday, I know it may not be a wise undertaking. I can hardly manage caring for myself and my two cats. Plus I don't want to burden a man with my needs.
So you can see how easy it was for me to delve into this virtual romance. There was no risk attached, because it wasn't real.
I have no friends. I can't drive. I don't have any hobbies or interests that matter. I can't carry on a decent conversation. I never go anywhere. I just eat, sleep, consume, work for three days then sleep my weekends off. What kind of self-respecting man would want a woman like that? I'm boring and uninteresting. I feel like such a fool for thinking I had anything to offer. I feel like crap. It's embarrassing. I feel so ashamed of myself.
I don't know how to move on from this. I miss him. I want to talk to him again. I felt like he was my best friend. I have been managing without him, but I think about him every day. I miss his texts.