She says she 'loves' me but I don't sense she is 'in-love' with me.
. But we have been going through some relationship issues for ~2 years. She thinks things will be ok but nothing changes. She says she 'loves' me but I don't sense she is 'in-love' with me.
Married nearly 50 years now, we've had our ups and downs too. We have several things we think helped make it work. One is we believe marriage is for life and divorce and remarriage for any reason is adultery. Things look lots better when your options dwindle. In view of this you must make marriage work as though your life depends on it. We don't hang out with divorced people or attend churches where divorce and remarriage is allowed. We do lots together from bicycling, working out, lawn, house work, and use each others strengths where needed most. Retirement is the best time of our lives and we enjoy every minute usually together.25 years of marriage yesterday. Life has been good for much of this. We've shared our faith journey, kids are in college, we are reasonably healthy, blah, blah, blah. But we have been going through some relationship issues for ~2 years. She thinks things will be ok but nothing changes. She says she 'loves' me but I don't sense she is 'in-love' with me.
I am self-employed and work has been slow for 2 years. I am also having some relationship challenges with elderly parents and siblings. My wife has shown very little encouragement or affirmation to me during this challenging time. We've talked about it, but nothing seems to change.
I had a card and flowers for her when she arrived home from work at 8am (she's a nurse and finished a night shift). She didn't mention it or say thanks, and didn't have a card for me. When I asked her about it, she didn't think we were doing that anymore but later said she dropped the ball.
I feel she no longer values, admires or affirms me - she disagrees. Seems unfair after 25 years of commitment, caring and providing. We've talked about this for so long - too long.
I don't feel like trying anymore. Meanwhile, my career and extended family matters are also really weighing on me. I feel as if I no longer trust her with my feelings. If she can not be there for me when things are tough, then it seems she is not really committed to "for better or for worse". And I don't think our "worse" has included any of the really difficult stuff other relationships seem to face. I feel hurt and losing interest in trying any longer.
Good for you, Dave! That's fantastic. God bless you guys.Married nearly 50 years now, we've had our ups and downs too. We have several things we think helped make it work. One is we believe marriage is for life and divorce and remarriage for any reason is adultery. Things look lots better when your options dwindle. In view of this you must make marriage work as though your life depends on it. We don't hang out with divorced people or attend churches where divorce and remarriage is allowed. We do lots together from bicycling, working out, lawn, house work, and use each others strengths where needed most. Retirement is the best time of our lives and we enjoy every minute usually together.
Would a vacation together help? Time off work for her? I agree that sheer physical exhaustion can make one apathetic, and grumpy.She say she is still in-love with me but I don't sense it. We have discussed this several times.
She say she is still in-love with me but I don't sense it. We have discussed this several times.
Maybe you should stop discussing it?She say she is still in-love with me but I don't sense it. We have discussed this several times.
Would a career shift for her, and daytime hours, help?Good suggestion. When we go away for a week, things get much better. But, the old patters return when we get home. I want a relationship in the real word, not just on vacations. She is not working overtime hours and not caring for young children. I do many of the household chores and meals given my work is currently slow. I just feel like she is taking the whole relationship for granted.
Maybe she hates her job? Ever thought of letting her get a receptionist job some where? Only reason I keep harping on this, is I can kind of see myself in her a little.She works 2 day shifts, 2 night shifts and 5 days off. Fairly standard for hospital nurses.
Endeavourer: She says she is still in-love with me. I just don't see it. We seem to have very different ideas about what that should look like. I really don't think there is an affair but maybe I'm wrong.