I’m still struggling and I don’t understand

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I’ve shared my story around the different forum pages but now I’m really struggling worse then before.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been asking God to clear up the confusion I’m having and give me clarity and to teach me, but, I feel like he hasn’t been doing that and things are getting worse.

Most people don’t understand my story and I’d appreciate if you all refrain from saying it’s a chemical or hormonal imbalance when I know it’s not. I’ve been fed thru feelings the past 18 yrs and these last 3 weeks, God has been slowly moving away from that for me.

It is Extremely hard. I’m used to always having a boost under me which has allowed me to stay faithful and act normal throughout the day. It’s hard after feeling something 24 hrs a day for 18 yrs and 3 months, to shift into not feeling anything at all and I don’t know how to do this.

I can’t wrap my mind around it. I’ve been ‘holding’ the last few weeks where I’m not doing too much. Go to work, do a couple things at home, and then just sit. I feel if I start acting ‘normal’, aka watching tv, playing video games, etc., that I won’t stay faithful to God anymore bc I don’t get it.

Put yourselves in my position. Imagine if you felt something every second of everyday for over 18 years and then all of a sudden it was taken from you and you felt absolutely nothing and God was being silent. Would you be able to stay faithful without a problem. Would you know How to stay faithful without having a boost of some sort? Do you think you’d be able to do it?

My mom has explained it to me numerous times but I’m still extremely confused and I still don’t get it. I told my mom, I can either continue holding like I’ve been doing or, live my life without God bc I don’t know how to combine the 2 now that I don’t feel anything. My mind is totally boggled and confused. Both my parents have been praying for God to give me clarity and to clear my confusion but so far, it hasn’t happened.

I wish I could do what my parents are doing, but, I can’t right now. I feel like if I start living normally right now, I wil not be taking God with me bc I don’t know how to. My mom says she does think about God throughout the day but this is 2nd nature for her as she became a Christian when she was 10, and accepted it as truth and never had a problem staying faithful.

18 yrs ago, God found me. It felt like he hit me with a lightning strike when I was sitting in youth group and that’s how it all started for me. I had a full 7 yrs with trembling but 3 yrs after I was saved, I started receiving the deep peace. My one professor told me that if other Christians went thru what I was going thru, most would’ve given up by then. It’s been an extremely tough battle and I have almost given up numerous times but have pushed thru. But, now, I feel I’m in dire straits bc if this confusion isn’t cleared up soon, I will be done. I can only hold on for so long. Just a few hrs ago, I told God how confused I was about all this and to please clear up the confusion. I’m just getting extremely frustrated with this. I’ve done my best to stay faithful, meant everything I’ve ever prayed, and, yet, it continues to get even harder for me to hang on when I have this confusion hanging over my head. I don’t know what else to do.... :(
 

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Don't trust in your feelings, even if they came from God. He doesn't want you to depend yourself on them for comfort, he wants you to depend upon his word as it is. If you really love him, take him at his word. His word cannot change and it cannot be taken, even if your feelings flee you.

He has spoken good things concerning the Christian. He has spoken concerning his paternal love and care for you, that he will never leave you nor forsake you. He has spoken concerning your standing with him, that you are righteous in Christ, no longer a sinner condemned under his wrath. He has spoken concerning all that you worry about in this walk with him, and it is sufficient to carry you through. Feelings can be subjective, and even the deepest joys of heaven can grow faint for a period. Even if the light of his presence seems dim, he is still at your right hand and side. Take him at his word, not by your feelings.

I encourage you to read the Psalms, you may find your experiences mirrored in David's prayers and songs. He has felt many times as if God was not there, but he rested assured in his word that what God says is true.
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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You say you can either hold on or move on without God and that you can't do both. Is there something you want to do that you can't if you are a christian? You are clearly struggling with your faith, with living, but i'm not sure exactly how all of these things fit together so I can't really offer advice.
 
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anna ~ grace

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I’ve shared my story around the different forum pages but now I’m really struggling worse then before.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been asking God to clear up the confusion I’m having and give me clarity and to teach me, but, I feel like he hasn’t been doing that and things are getting worse.

Most people don’t understand my story and I’d appreciate if you all refrain from saying it’s a chemical or hormonal imbalance when I know it’s not. I’ve been fed thru feelings the past 18 yrs and these last 3 weeks, God has been slowly moving away from that for me.

It is Extremely hard. I’m used to always having a boost under me which has allowed me to stay faithful and act normal throughout the day. It’s hard after feeling something 24 hrs a day for 18 yrs and 3 months, to shift into not feeling anything at all and I don’t know how to do this.

I can’t wrap my mind around it. I’ve been ‘holding’ the last few weeks where I’m not doing too much. Go to work, do a couple things at home, and then just sit. I feel if I start acting ‘normal’, aka watching tv, playing video games, etc., that I won’t stay faithful to God anymore bc I don’t get it.

Put yourselves in my position. Imagine if you felt something every second of everyday for over 18 years and then all of a sudden it was taken from you and you felt absolutely nothing and God was being silent. Would you be able to stay faithful without a problem. Would you know How to stay faithful without having a boost of some sort? Do you think you’d be able to do it?

My mom has explained it to me numerous times but I’m still extremely confused and I still don’t get it. I told my mom, I can either continue holding like I’ve been doing or, live my life without God bc I don’t know how to combine the 2 now that I don’t feel anything. My mind is totally boggled and confused. Both my parents have been praying for God to give me clarity and to clear my confusion but so far, it hasn’t happened.

I wish I could do what my parents are doing, but, I can’t right now. I feel like if I start living normally right now, I wil not be taking God with me bc I don’t know how to. My mom says she does think about God throughout the day but this is 2nd nature for her as she became a Christian when she was 10, and accepted it as truth and never had a problem staying faithful.

18 yrs ago, God found me. It felt like he hit me with a lightning strike when I was sitting in youth group and that’s how it all started for me. I had a full 7 yrs with trembling but 3 yrs after I was saved, I started receiving the deep peace. My one professor told me that if other Christians went thru what I was going thru, most would’ve given up by then. It’s been an extremely tough battle and I have almost given up numerous times but have pushed thru. But, now, I feel I’m in dire straits bc if this confusion isn’t cleared up soon, I will be done. I can only hold on for so long. Just a few hrs ago, I told God how confused I was about all this and to please clear up the confusion. I’m just getting extremely frustrated with this. I’ve done my best to stay faithful, meant everything I’ve ever prayed, and, yet, it continues to get even harder for me to hang on when I have this confusion hanging over my head. I don’t know what else to do.... :(
So.... love doesn't always *feel* like anything. Especially spiritually, between us, and God. Many famous and respected Christians have struggled deeply with spiritual / interior dryness / emptiness. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love them, isn't there, isn't saving them, or isn't working through them in huge ways. Just that there is a trial, a darkness, a dryness which they are being asked to bear with.

It is very tough, but doable, friend.

Something that might help; in Western Evangelical Christian circles, there seems to be a *lot* of emphasis on emotions. Generally on emotions like joy, excitement, happiness, positivity, and empowerment. Trying to link these *feelings* with the condition of your soul can be dangerous, discouraging, and spiritually harmful. We can legitimately feel good, that's true, but a lack of these feelings doesn't mean that we're doing anything wrong, far from God, or have lost it.

I recommend this book a lot on here;

1543796._UY500_SS500_.jpg


It is a beautiful book. Saint Teresa of Calcutta is arguably one of the most universally recognized, respected, and beloved Christians of the 20th Century. She also struggled with an intense, painful, and difficult dryness, a sense that God had left her / abandoned her. Yet still, she continued to love Him, to love her Jesus, even if she couldn't feel Him. I have no doubt at all that she is surrounded by the love, joy, beauty, and presence of God right now.

Hang in there, friend! You are not alone. God loves you.
 
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trophy33

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So.... love doesn't always *feel* like anything. Especially spiritually, between us, and God. Many famous and respected Christians have struggled deeply with spiritual / interior dryness / emptiness. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love them, isn't there, isn't saving them, or isn't working through them in huge ways. Just that there is a trial, a darkness, a dryness which they are being asked to bear with.

It is very tough, but doable, friend.

Something that might help; in Western Evangelical Christian circles, there seems to be a *lot* of emphasis on emotions. Generally on emotions like joy, excitement, happiness, positivity, and empowerment. Trying to link these *feelings* with the condition of your soul can be dangerous, discouraging, and spiritually harmful. We can legitimately feel good, that's true, but a lack of these feelings doesn't mean that we're doing anything wrong, far from God, or have lost it.

I recommend this book a lot on here;

1543796._UY500_SS500_.jpg


It is a beautiful book. Saint Teresa of Calcutta is arguably one of the most universally recognized, respected, and beloved Christians of the 20th Century. She also struggled with an intense, painful, and difficult dryness, a sense that God had left her / abandoned her. Yet still, she continued to love Him, to love her Jesus, even if she couldn't feel Him. I have no doubt at all that she is surrounded by the love, joy, beauty, and presence of God right now.

Hang in there, friend! You are not alone. God loves you.

Somebody who is born again is never empty inside. I think that Teresa of Calcutta is a bad example, because she was very controversial.
 
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trophy33

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I’ve shared my story around the different forum pages but now I’m really struggling worse then before.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been asking God to clear up the confusion I’m having and give me clarity and to teach me, but, I feel like he hasn’t been doing that and things are getting worse.

Most people don’t understand my story and I’d appreciate if you all refrain from saying it’s a chemical or hormonal imbalance when I know it’s not. I’ve been fed thru feelings the past 18 yrs and these last 3 weeks, God has been slowly moving away from that for me.

It is Extremely hard. I’m used to always having a boost under me which has allowed me to stay faithful and act normal throughout the day. It’s hard after feeling something 24 hrs a day for 18 yrs and 3 months, to shift into not feeling anything at all and I don’t know how to do this.

I can’t wrap my mind around it. I’ve been ‘holding’ the last few weeks where I’m not doing too much. Go to work, do a couple things at home, and then just sit. I feel if I start acting ‘normal’, aka watching tv, playing video games, etc., that I won’t stay faithful to God anymore bc I don’t get it.

Put yourselves in my position. Imagine if you felt something every second of everyday for over 18 years and then all of a sudden it was taken from you and you felt absolutely nothing and God was being silent. Would you be able to stay faithful without a problem. Would you know How to stay faithful without having a boost of some sort? Do you think you’d be able to do it?

My mom has explained it to me numerous times but I’m still extremely confused and I still don’t get it. I told my mom, I can either continue holding like I’ve been doing or, live my life without God bc I don’t know how to combine the 2 now that I don’t feel anything. My mind is totally boggled and confused. Both my parents have been praying for God to give me clarity and to clear my confusion but so far, it hasn’t happened.

I wish I could do what my parents are doing, but, I can’t right now. I feel like if I start living normally right now, I wil not be taking God with me bc I don’t know how to. My mom says she does think about God throughout the day but this is 2nd nature for her as she became a Christian when she was 10, and accepted it as truth and never had a problem staying faithful.

18 yrs ago, God found me. It felt like he hit me with a lightning strike when I was sitting in youth group and that’s how it all started for me. I had a full 7 yrs with trembling but 3 yrs after I was saved, I started receiving the deep peace. My one professor told me that if other Christians went thru what I was going thru, most would’ve given up by then. It’s been an extremely tough battle and I have almost given up numerous times but have pushed thru. But, now, I feel I’m in dire straits bc if this confusion isn’t cleared up soon, I will be done. I can only hold on for so long. Just a few hrs ago, I told God how confused I was about all this and to please clear up the confusion. I’m just getting extremely frustrated with this. I’ve done my best to stay faithful, meant everything I’ve ever prayed, and, yet, it continues to get even harder for me to hang on when I have this confusion hanging over my head. I don’t know what else to do.... :(

You seem to be very sensitive and concentrated of feelings, which is not what a man should do and be. Is your father emotionally stable, the head of your family?

Also, do you go to a psychologist? Because you seem to have something similar to depression.
 
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Josephus

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The best advice I can give you is to sing. If you don't know what to sing, turn on the radio to a Christian station. Let G-d's words speak to you through His song.

This is what I felt led to share with you. Your confusion is one connection to G-d short of being cleared up. Go listen to Him.
 
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Broken relationships hurt. That simply means that you felt love. It is hard to realize that something we believed was God's will turns out to not be. However, it just means we have to learn to lean harder on God and stop trying to make sense out of it. It is a time to learn more about God. Eventually, you may understand where this fits into your life and maybe you won't until we are with Him after we pass but it is part of the bigger picture. I often find that I have to "feel" certain emotions in a very real way in order to eventually minister to another struggling with a similar situation. It is called growing...and growing often comes with growing pains. Stop trying to explain it...just accept it and find a way to move forward without him. The more we love them, the longer it takes ... but it is possible.

The last time I gave my heart away, it took probably five years before I could honestly say that my life is better without him. I don't want him in my life anymore (our lives don't match) but I can't say that I don't still feel the tinge of pain of the way it ended when I do think about him.
 
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sk8brdkd

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In my original post, I had asked that people don’t say anything about doctors and what not. If God had hit you 18 years ago and fed you with only feelings, how would you react if you no longer had them?

I’m not a guy btw.

You seem to be very sensitive and concentrated of feelings, which is not what a man should do and be. Is your father emotionally stable, the head of your family?

Also, do you go to a psychologist? Because you seem to have something similar to depression.
 
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sk8brdkd

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You say you can either hold on or move on without God and that you can't do both. Is there something you want to do that you can't if you are a christian? You are clearly struggling with your faith, with living, but i'm not sure exactly how all of these things fit together so I can't really offer advice.

I’m used to feeling either a lifted feeling from the Holy Spirit or a boost. I had the lifted feeling for 4 years and the boost just for a month. So when I started going thru another test about a month ago, the boost was then taken away so having to go on so few feelings within 3 weeks is Extremely difficult after having and being fed by feelings for 18 years all from God. I got used to what I had. So to have them stripped away is hard learning to just live by faith, yet, I still know he’s working inside of me
 
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sk8brdkd

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The best advice I can give you is to sing. If you don't know what to sing, turn on the radio to a Christian station. Let G-d's words speak to you through His song.

This is what I felt led to share with you. Your confusion is one connection to G-d short of being cleared up. Go listen to Him.

Thank you.

I’ve actually been trying to do that. Mainly in the car when I’m driving.
 
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sk8brdkd

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Don't trust in your feelings, even if they came from God. He doesn't want you to depend yourself on them for comfort, he wants you to depend upon his word as it is. If you really love him, take him at his word. His word cannot change and it cannot be taken, even if your feelings flee you.

He has spoken good things concerning the Christian. He has spoken concerning his paternal love and care for you, that he will never leave you nor forsake you. He has spoken concerning your standing with him, that you are righteous in Christ, no longer a sinner condemned under his wrath. He has spoken concerning all that you worry about in this walk with him, and it is sufficient to carry you through. Feelings can be subjective, and even the deepest joys of heaven can grow faint for a period. Even if the light of his presence seems dim, he is still at your right hand and side. Take him at his word, not by your feelings.

I encourage you to read the Psalms, you may find your experiences mirrored in David's prayers and songs. He has felt many times as if God was not there, but he rested assured in his word that what God says is true.

I’ve actually been reading psalms and just last night I came across psalms 17 and 18 with David and yes, a lot of what was said was relatable to me.

It is Extremely difficult for me to not go by feelings as I had this high lifted feeling from God for 4 yrs, then a boost for a little over a month and now God is slowly moving me in 1 direction so I’m going with it and doing my best to remain faithful no matter how hard it is
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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I’m used to feeling either a lifted feeling from the Holy Spirit or a boost. I had the lifted feeling for 4 years and the boost just for a month. So when I started going thru another test about a month ago, the boost was then taken away so having to go on so few feelings within 3 weeks is Extremely difficult after having and being fed by feelings for 18 years all from God. I got used to what I had. So to have them stripped away is hard learning to just live by faith, yet, I still know he’s working inside of me

It's kind of like a relationship where you go through a honeymoon phase and everything is just pure bliss in the beginning then after awhile the intensity of the positive emotion you feel sort of mellows out. It's perfectly normal and also a good reminder as to why your faith needs to be based off of more than just emotions, because when the emotions fade which will inevitably happen at some point you need a strong foundation of knowledge of the Lord. So even when you don't feel the spirit all of the time you have an understanding of him that isn't reliant on purely emotion.

Learning more about apologetics can help. William lane Craig has a good book in layman's terms called "hard questions real answers" that could really help you through issues of faith that will give you something to stand on when your emotions go south.

Here's a channel with over 1200 short clips that can give you a sample to see if you would benefit from his work.
drcraigvideos
 
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I’m used to feeling either a lifted feeling from the Holy Spirit or a boost. I had the lifted feeling for 4 years and the boost just for a month. So when I started going thru another test about a month ago, the boost was then taken away so having to go on so few feelings within 3 weeks is Extremely difficult after having and being fed by feelings for 18 years all from God. I got used to what I had. So to have them stripped away is hard learning to just live by faith, yet, I still know he’s working inside of me


As a Christian you must learn to live by faith continuously even when you no longer feel His presence. God rewards those who diligently seek Him. Remember what He told Thomas, "You believe because you have seen, Blessed are those who believe without seeing" I pray you receive His blessings as you exercise your faith
 
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As a Christian you must learn to live by faith continuously even when you no longer feel His presence. God rewards those who diligently seek Him. Remember what He told Thomas, "You believe because you have seen, Blessed are those who believe without seeing" I pray you receive His blessings as you exercise your faith


I had seen how God worked thru my life when feeling him on a consistent basis for all those years. Idk if I’ll be able to keep it up w/o feeling him or seeing/feeling the answers to prayer.

How do u see God working in your life when not feeling him?
 
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St John of the cross wrote a book called 'Dark night of the soul". It may be worth you reading.

Sometimes we have to walk through the desert in life. A time of many trials. A very testing time. Its at these times that we have to hold onto God with love and trust. Fighting off the attacks of the devil as he tries to pull us away from God.

Be strong sister. However hard it gets. Cling to God. Offer up your suffering to God.

God bless and protect you.
 
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In my original post, I had asked that people don’t say anything about doctors and what not. If God had hit you 18 years ago and fed you with only feelings, how would you react if you no longer had them?

I’m not a guy btw.
Where in the bible did you see anyone ever "fed with feelings"?
Be "fed with" this...examine the reactions of those you love.
Be fed with the actions of those you have loved by realizing it is Christ's love from within you that has been manifested.
If you are in Christ, "you" are dead and "Christ liveth in you". (Gal 2:20).
 
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I had seen how God worked thru my life when feeling him on a consistent basis for all those years. Idk if I’ll be able to keep it up w/o feeling him or seeing/feeling the answers to prayer.

How do u see God working in your life when not feeling him?


I pray and sometimes things I never realized becomes clearer to me, sometimes after praying regarding problems I find that they'll be solved without any action from me, sometimes through dreams He speaks etc. I'm sure He's trying to communicate with you, the question is are you tuned in to notice these things?
 
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