It will take a miracle for me to find "Miss Right"

[AdoptedPrince]

First, some background. In the past, I dated anyone I was attracted to, Christian or not (mostly not, if we're talking about someone who really seemed to be concerned about God). This resulted in me marrying a spouse who used me and cheated on me - or so I and everyone else believes, based on her behavior.

My ex claimed to be a Christian, but there was no evidence of it until she met me and wanted to date/marry me. If I had been more cautious about accepting her word on her Christianity, I wouldn't be where I am today. So, from now on, I am determined to only date women whose Christianity is obvious before they meet me.

Which brings me to my thread's title: It will take a miracle for me to find "Miss Right." Why? Consider all the variables :

- She has to be a genuine Christian. I have it on good authority that "Straight is the gate and narrow the way and few go therein." So, we're probably ruling out 9 out of 10 women right off the bat.
- She has to be local (within 40 minutes, tops). I'm not looking for a long-distance romance. I'm looking for someone to put my arm around on the couch and watch TV with, to go on walks with, to go to church with, to work out with, etc. I think it's safe to say that 99.99999% of the Christian women in the world don't live within 40 minutes of me.
- I have to meet her. I go to a big church and you can go there for years without meeting 3/4 of the people. And even if I see a woman at church I am interested in meeting, it can take months to be in a situation where that meeting isn't weird and ham-fisted. Most of the time they are surrounded by people from the moment they enter church until the moment they are getting in their car.
- She must be looking for a man in my age range. I'm 54 and, even though people always assume I'm in my 40s (I'm in pretty good shape and don't really have any wrinkles), I've noticed women are very hung up on the age issue after a certain age. Maybe they think, "I can't be so old that I have to date a man in his 50s!"
- She has to find me attractive. Opinions vary.
- I have to find her attractive. I'm not someone who has to date the most beautiful woman possible (personality is more important than looks), but I have to be at least somewhat attracted to her. And whether a woman is in fairly good shape is very important to me. If she's not, I'm just not attracted. Finding a fit, single woman over 40 or 50 is tough. When you do, you find that she is "spoiled for choice" (she has a ton of men pursuing her).
- Our personalities have to be compatible. I'm a pretty lighthearted guy most of the time. A woman who is always serious would hate me. But I'm also a serious guy when it come to serious things (I'm an INTP or ENTP, depending on the test). A woman who believes talking about serious things is dumb or boring would hate me. Also, I dislike rude people ("straight talkers", as they often call themselves). It's not that hard to couch your point in careful words.
- We have to have compatible interests. I don't want to jump out of an airplane. I want to visit cool places and take road trips. I don't care about sports and don't have a favorite team. I like movies. Stuff like that.


So, that's the dilemma. It will take a miracle. And yes, yes, I know God does miracles. I've been asking!

Thoughts?

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[ItIsFinished!]

What you desire is far from a miracle.
A lot of times one finds what they want without looking.
Be patient and have faith.
Focus on your relationship with God first and foremost.
That is the most important part of a child of God's life.
There is a Christian woman who is looking for you.
Patience my friend.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

You don't want to jump out of a plane, but would you ride this?
about 225 feet high

Absolutely.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

How could you not be a fan of this team?

It's surprisingly easy.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

Be patient and have faith.

What choice do I have?

There is a Christian woman who is looking for you.

To be honest, it is that fact which frustrates me most of all. I know there is a Christian woman out there who would be great for me and I would be great for her. She's looking for me and I'm looking for her and God is looking at us both looking for each other and is either saying "Wait" or "No." And that is absolutely His prerogative and He always does what is right. But it's still sad and frustrating from my perspective and her perspective.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Monk Brendan]

I'm pretty discouraged at the moment.

First, some background. In the past, I dated anyone I was attracted to, Christian or not (mostly not, if we're talking about someone who really seemed to be concerned about God). This resulted in me marrying a spouse who used me and cheated on me - or so I and everyone else believes, based on her behavior.

My ex claimed to be a Christian, but there was no evidence of it until she met me and wanted to date/marry me. If I had been more cautious about accepting her word on her Christianity, I wouldn't be where I am today. So, from now on, I am determined to only date women whose Christianity is obvious before they meet me.

Which brings me to my thread's title: It will take a miracle for me to find "Miss Right." Why? Consider all the variables :

- She has to be a genuine Christian. I have it on good authority that "Straight is the gate and narrow the way and few go therein." So, we're probably ruling out 9 out of 10 women right off the bat.
- She has to be local (within 40 minutes, tops). I'm not looking for a long-distance romance. I'm looking for someone to put my arm around on the couch and watch TV with, to go on walks with, to go to church with, to work out with, etc. I think it's safe to say that 99.99999% of the Christian women in the world don't live within 40 minutes of me.
- I have to meet her. I go to a big church and you can go there for years without meeting 3/4 of the people. And even if I see a woman at church I am interested in meeting, it can take months to be in a situation where that meeting isn't weird and ham-fisted. Most of the time they are surrounded by people from the moment they enter church until the moment they are getting in their car.
- She must be looking for a man in my age range. I'm 54 and, even though people always assume I'm in my 40s (I'm in pretty good shape and don't really have any wrinkles), I've noticed women are very hung up on the age issue after a certain age. Maybe they think, "I can't be so old that I have to date a man in his 50s!"
- She has to find me attractive. Honestly, a lot of women seem to find me attractive enough, even though I don't really see myself as all that good-looking. And, of course, some women probably agree that I'm not all that good-looking.
- I have to find her attractive. I'm not someone who has to date the most beautiful woman possible (personality is more important than looks), but I have to be at least somewhat attracted to her. And whether a woman is in fairly good shape is very important to me. If she's not, I'm just not attracted. Finding a fit, single woman over 40 or 50 is tough. When you do, you find that she is "spoiled for choice" (she has a ton of men pursuing her).
- Our personalities have to be compatible. I'm a pretty lighthearted guy most of the time. A woman who is always serious would hate me. But I'm also a serious guy when it come to serious things (I'm an INTP or ENTP, depending on the test). A woman who believes talking about serious things is dumb or boring would hate me. Also, I dislike rude people ("straight talkers", as they often call themselves). It's not that hard to couch your point in careful words.
- We have to have compatible interests. I don't want to jump out of an airplane. I want to visit cool places and take road trips. I don't care about sports and don't have a favorite team. I like movies. Stuff like that.


So, that's the dilemma. It will take a miracle. And yes, yes, I know God does miracles. I've been asking!

Thoughts?

There are many things worse than not finding Miss Right. One of them is marrying Miss Wrong, as you know from your own experience.

 

[Mathetes66]

Remember what God Himself said:

The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.” So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep & WHILE HE SLEPT, He took one of the man’s ribs & closed up the area with flesh. 22And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman & BROUGHT HER TO HIM. (Genesis 2:18,21,22)

You have the time right now to BE the godly man a godly Christian woman desires. As God is preparing her, you can be preparing yourself. Pray for wisdom from above. (James 1:5-8)

Ecclesiastes 8:5,6 He who keeps a command experiences no trouble, for a wise heart knows the proper time & procedure. 6 For there is a proper time & procedure for every delight, though a man’s trouble is heavy upon him.

James 3:13-18 Who is wise & understanding among you? Let him show it by his good conduct, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor in your hearts bitter jealousy & selfish ambition, do not boast in it or deny the truth. 15Such wisdom does not come from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16For where jealousy & selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder & every evil practice. 17But the wisdom from above is first of all pure, THEN peaceable, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy & good fruit, impartial, & sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace reap the fruit of righteousness.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

There are many things worse than not finding Miss Right. One of them is marrying Miss Wrong, as you know from your own experience.

Absolutely true. That doesn't make not finding Miss Right good, though. Losing both legs is worse than losing one hand, but both are bad.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

You have the time right now to BE the godly man a godly Christian woman desires.

How do you know I'm not???

Seriously, though, my responsibility is the same whether I am in a relationship or not: To be Christ's good and faithful servant. It's not like I will reach perfection and then God can give me a helpmate. I'm not going to be perfect and she isn't either.

But I agree with you that God is saying "Wait" because he is doing SOMETHING in my or her life...or He is just saying "No." It is one or the other.

 

[Romans 8]

Have you considered trying an online christian dating site?

 

[Mathetes66]

Thanks for the response. You are a wise man. James 1:5-8. The one verse I left off in Ecclesiastes 8 was verse 7: If no one knows what will happen, who can tell him when it will happen?

 

[exitstageright]

What you desire is far from a miracle.
A lot of times one finds what they want without looking.
Be patient and have faith.
Focus on your relationship with God first and foremost.
That is the most important part of a child of God's life.
There is a Christian woman who is looking for you.
Patience my friend.

If a christian man likes a particular Christian woman.And she dose not like him. Then that is a loss cause. Because, God is not going to override her free will.
As far as miracles are concerned. I have no problem believing that God saved Daniel from the lions in the lion's den. I have no problem believing that God parted the Red Sea for Moses. However, women are far more complex than lions and bodies of water.

 

[exitstageright]

I'm pretty discouraged at the moment.

First, some background. In the past, I dated anyone I was attracted to, Christian or not (mostly not, if we're talking about someone who really seemed to be concerned about God). This resulted in me marrying a spouse who used me and cheated on me - or so I and everyone else believes, based on her behavior.

My ex claimed to be a Christian, but there was no evidence of it until she met me and wanted to date/marry me. If I had been more cautious about accepting her word on her Christianity, I wouldn't be where I am today. So, from now on, I am determined to only date women whose Christianity is obvious before they meet me.

Which brings me to my thread's title: It will take a miracle for me to find "Miss Right." Why? Consider all the variables :

- She has to be a genuine Christian. I have it on good authority that "Straight is the gate and narrow the way and few go therein." So, we're probably ruling out 9 out of 10 women right off the bat.
- She has to be local (within 40 minutes, tops). I'm not looking for a long-distance romance. I'm looking for someone to put my arm around on the couch and watch TV with, to go on walks with, to go to church with, to work out with, etc. I think it's safe to say that 99.99999% of the Christian women in the world don't live within 40 minutes of me.
- I have to meet her. I go to a big church and you can go there for years without meeting 3/4 of the people. And even if I see a woman at church I am interested in meeting, it can take months to be in a situation where that meeting isn't weird and ham-fisted. Most of the time they are surrounded by people from the moment they enter church until the moment they are getting in their car.
- She must be looking for a man in my age range. I'm 54 and, even though people always assume I'm in my 40s (I'm in pretty good shape and don't really have any wrinkles), I've noticed women are very hung up on the age issue after a certain age. Maybe they think, "I can't be so old that I have to date a man in his 50s!"
- She has to find me attractive. Honestly, a lot of women seem to find me attractive enough, even though I don't really see myself as all that good-looking. And, of course, some women probably agree that I'm not all that good-looking.
- I have to find her attractive. I'm not someone who has to date the most beautiful woman possible (personality is more important than looks), but I have to be at least somewhat attracted to her. And whether a woman is in fairly good shape is very important to me. If she's not, I'm just not attracted. Finding a fit, single woman over 40 or 50 is tough. When you do, you find that she is "spoiled for choice" (she has a ton of men pursuing her).
- Our personalities have to be compatible. I'm a pretty lighthearted guy most of the time. A woman who is always serious would hate me. But I'm also a serious guy when it come to serious things (I'm an INTP or ENTP, depending on the test). A woman who believes talking about serious things is dumb or boring would hate me. Also, I dislike rude people ("straight talkers", as they often call themselves). It's not that hard to couch your point in careful words.
- We have to have compatible interests. I don't want to jump out of an airplane. I want to visit cool places and take road trips. I don't care about sports and don't have a favorite team. I like movies. Stuff like that.


So, that's the dilemma. It will take a miracle. And yes, yes, I know God does miracles. I've been asking!

Thoughts?

Good luck to you. There are times that I think that finding a good wife is just like tossing the dice. One hopes for a 7 or 11 (winner),instead of "snake eyes " a 2 (loser).

 

[bèlla]

I don’t begrudge anyone their preferences or selectivity. But I hope they are willing to accept the same in return. Oftentimes that’s not the case. Good luck on your search.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[AdoptedPrince]

Have you considered trying an online christian dating site?

I've actually used online dating sites, including Christian Mingle. That approach has so many problems, though. The three biggest I have found are

1. People online make snap judgments based on variables that don't carry as much weight if they were initially encountering a person face to face. For instance, if I meet a woman in person, she judges her level of interest based on whether she thinks I'm attractive, funny, intelligent, and whether we have chemistry. If a woman encounters me through my profile online, on the other hand, she focuses first on my age and she makes assumptions about me based on that age ("A 54-year-old is ___"); She scrutinizes my pictures (if they are just selfies, she might assume I have no friends. If they are pictures of me with a bunch of other people, she might assume I'm a party animal. AND she assumes I probably don't look like my pictures. I gathered this information from women on CM's old message board, by the way); She might read waaaay more than I intended into some offhand comment in my profile.
So, the "me" that women see in my dating profile is not me at all.
2. Studies have shown that a small number of women get the lion's share of activity. That means most women I would write to probably have literally dozens of messages coming in daily. That not only makes the odds of getting a reply fairly low, but it has been shown that women in that position have a tough time choosing who to date because they don't know if someone "better" will come along tomorrow. A man might check off 8 out of 10 of her "What I'm looking for" boxes, but a hypothetical guy who might come along tomorrow might check off 9...or even all 10!
3. I apparently come across MUCH better in person. If I strike up a conversation with a woman in person, I have a pretty high success rate at getting her to show indications of interest. And several non-Christian women I know from work have made it plain that they would like to date me. Online, however, my success rate is much, muuuuch lower. If I write to a woman, the odds are good I will never even receive a reply. That said, if I can get the woman to respond to my message and we strike up an online conversation, I often do almost as well as when I meet a woman for the first time in person. But getting that conversation going rarely happens and getting a date out of it is less frequent. See #2 above. By the way, when I was regularly posting on CM's old message boards, I got a lot of attention from the women on those boards. So apparently I come across well in forum conversations on a dating site, but not in my profile on a dating site.

I wish online dating worked as advertised, but I don't think it does. Or rarely so, anyway.

Have you tried it? If so, how did it go?

 

[AdoptedPrince]

I don’t begrudge anyone their preferences or selectivity.

I don't either. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. I'm a little surprised that no one has attacked me yet for revealing what I am attracted to. That has happened plenty of times before in online discussions. Then I reply by pointing out that they have things they are attracted to (a guy with a job, for example) and not attracted to and the topic gets dropped fairly quickly.

But I hope they are willing to accept the same in return. Oftentimes that’s not the case.

I can only speak for myself and say I don't begrudge any woman for not being interested in me. If she wants to miss out on happiness, that's her lookout.