Would this be considered favoritism?

[ChicanaRose]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

Integrity is a vitally important attribute. If you are employed in a church office then you have to be totally professional at all times. You are not just working for the church, but for God. I believe that if you allow your friend to manipulate you into give her what she wants because of your position in the church, then you are compromising your integrity. Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit. Faithfulness involves integrity. This means that your friend has to be just a client just like any other. She is sinning by trying to manipulate you into compromising your integrity. It is not that you might get caught and lose your job with the church, but more seriously, it would be dishonoring the Name of Christ whether you get caught or not.

 

[SkyWriting]

Integrity is a vitally important attribute. If you are employed in a church office then you have to be totally professional at all times. You are not just working for the church, but for God. I believe that if you allow your friend to manipulate you into give her what she wants because of your position in the church, then you are compromising your integrity. Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit. Faithfulness involves integrity. This means that your friend has to be just a client just like any other. She is sinning by trying to manipulate you into compromising your integrity. It is not that you might get caught and lose your job with the church, but more seriously, it would be dishonoring the Name of Christ whether you get caught or not.

If you honestly feel she is qualified, you can vouch for her skills as an honest evaluator. You can also have doubts and include in your testimony what skills she lacks and her request to mention her. You can honor her request and provide any misgivings to your employer as well. This helps everyone, especially if she doesn't work out.

 

[eleos1954]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

Just tell her you think it best if she talks with them herself (pastor & staff) directly and leave it at that.

 

[Sparagmos]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

Hello, and welcome to the forum! I have read a few of your posts, and there seems to be a theme. People taking advantage of you - am I right?

I think you know the answer here, in fact it’s in your post. People who try to use you, or take but do not give back, are not good friends, and in some cases aren’t your friend at all. Just because someone is charming or asking to spend time with you, doesn’t mean they are a good person to be friends with. If you are a “giver” in relationships, you can attract “takers.” But a giver deserves friends who are also givers! I encourage you to seek out other giving people as friends, and just say “no” to the takers.

 

[ChicanaRose]

Hello, and welcome to the forum! I have read a few of your posts, and there seems to be a theme. People taking advantage of you - am I right?

I think you know the answer here, in fact it’s in your post. People who try to use you, or take but do not give back, are not good friends, and in some cases aren’t your friend at all. Just because someone is charming or asking to spend time with you, doesn’t mean they are a good person to be friends with. If you are a “giver” in relationships, you can attract “takers.” But a giver deserves friends who are also givers! I encourage you to seek out other giving people as friends, and just say “no” to the takers.

Yes. You are spot on with the theme. I came here looking for Christian support. I appreciate your supportive comments.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

She's using you. Break off the friendship and move on.

 

[ChicanaRose]

She's using you. Break off the friendship and move on.

Thank you for speaking the truth in love and being straight forward.

 

[thecolorsblend]

When you volunteer in a church office and a friend expects you to help her out more because she is "a friend," what do you do? If she is not asking me to violate any rule (such as move her email up on the priority list), but wanting me to use my personal connection with the pastor and the staff to her advantage, what do I say?

What I mean is, she knows that if I tell the pastor or the staff that she is my friend, they are likely to make accommodations or go the extra mile in helping her. I just don't think that's fair, even when she makes it sound non-demanding, like, "Whenever you have time" to talk to them.

What kind of friend leverages another friend for preferential treatment from the church?

If there's any goofy ethics going on here, I think it's on your friend's side.

But from there, what you do is up to you. You could warn your friend that you'll help them this one time but from now on you guys are sticking with whatever prioritization your leaders have created.

Or you could decline entirely. Why should a social bond oblige you to move somebody ahead of somebody else? A friend probably shouldn't ask this of you unless her need is super urgent. But a friend should also accept your decision if you say no.

Another option is asking your pastor about all this and if your friend is crossing a line.

 

[ChicanaRose]

What kind of friend leverages another friend for preferential treatment from the church?

If there's any goofy ethics going on here, I think it's on your friend's side.

But from there, what you do is up to you. You could warn your friend that you'll help them this one time but from now on you guys are sticking with whatever prioritization your leaders have created.

Or you could decline entirely. Why should a social bond oblige you to move somebody ahead of somebody else? A friend probably shouldn't ask this of you unless her need is super urgent. But a friend should also accept your decision if you say no.

Another option is asking your pastor about all this and if your friend is crossing a line.

I don't want to slander her by using her name, so I am thinking about asking the pastor without mentioning her name. I think the part that alarms me the most is that she doesn't call our emergency number or use our walk-in hours for crisis assistance, but wants to go through me.